tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12889269980136861022024-02-19T05:40:21.417-05:00Rev MommaLife in motherhood and ministry. I'm a United Methodist Pastor. I'm navigating life as a single mom to two amazing teenage girls who struggle with mental health. Every day God is good. Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.comBlogger121125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-52748629749677935322023-09-13T14:58:00.005-04:002023-09-13T15:07:01.949-04:00 A Reminder On Hard Day in Ministry <p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">If you pause in the conversation, </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"It's dead silence. "<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">If you respond too quickly. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"You weren't listening, but waiting to talk. "</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">If you preach on one theme. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"You are ignoring the rest of the Bible."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">If you bring on new volunteers, </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"You're obviously pushing the seasoned volunteers out. "</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">If you created a new sustainable framework for a ministry area, </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">"No one likes the new way"... on the first day.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Everything you do is </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">watched </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">judged</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">evaluated </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">picked apart. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">You are a walking fishbowl. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">And most of the time they have already formed an opinion of who you are.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">And...it's not changing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">No matter how much you preach and teach about emotional health and intelligence, developing a growth mindset, healthy boundaries, self-awareness, conflict resolution, Matthew 18, direct communication, crucial conversations... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">You aren't who or what they want/ expect. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">And they are going to text and talk <i>about </i>you and not <i>to</i> you. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">And you know who's problem that is? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">NOT YOURS.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Don't take it on. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">Don't let it hurt you. </span></p><div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;">Illegitimi non carborundum.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;">Shake the dust off your feet. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></div><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">Remember Paul says in Galatians 1:10:</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"> "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">You will not make everyone happy. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">You're not here to do that. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">GO-- Make disciples. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">Don't worry about making everyone happy, or like you. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">GO-- Love them. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">No matter what. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;">And... Give yourself Grace. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #001320; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; font-family: "Linux Libertine", Georgia, Times, serif; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></p><div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; flex-grow: 1; font-family: "Linux Libertine", Georgia, Times, serif; line-height: 1.375; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /></div><p></p><h1 style="text-align: left;"><br /></h1><p></p>Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-23592601606565544782023-04-18T09:00:00.006-04:002023-04-18T09:13:45.353-04:00We Need Jesus<p> It may sound trite. It sounds like something we put on a bumper sticker or a t-shirt. </p><p>Ya'll (<i>all ya'll) </i>need Jesus. </p><p>But it is so true. </p><p><br /></p><p>This world is filled with so much hurt and pain. </p><p>If we don't see it-- we are lying to ourselves. </p><p>We are numbing, ignoring, and choosing not to see.</p><p><br /></p><p>This morning, as I was dropping off my daughter a woman, was continuing to drive through the parking lot without noticing the thruway traffic and was going to just keep going without noticing the oncoming cars. Typically this is where someone would stop and look both ways before proceeding into the passing traffic of cars. She did not stop and I honked my horn to alert her to please stop. </p><p>She became irate. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLmkVX6c_kX7r05-kuQkMOFd_ZRcpQu_e9ZHbozFTZQEgarVt0uwZirFcqucmmQx2V8PmhRk27cLVKLsSJhMjuw94sT2AgvL4c1_5_WbomSJbJiC9sk8at4G05PZgw8yxfBAE92u8EPoOVMqyFyW_blPhcTt02UCm26RP7NQVRKNSiAky917anKhhZ/s486/angry%20woman%20in%20car.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="383" data-original-width="486" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLmkVX6c_kX7r05-kuQkMOFd_ZRcpQu_e9ZHbozFTZQEgarVt0uwZirFcqucmmQx2V8PmhRk27cLVKLsSJhMjuw94sT2AgvL4c1_5_WbomSJbJiC9sk8at4G05PZgw8yxfBAE92u8EPoOVMqyFyW_blPhcTt02UCm26RP7NQVRKNSiAky917anKhhZ/s320/angry%20woman%20in%20car.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><i> Not the actual woman-- but a good depiction of her anger)</i></p><p>Our windows were up yet I could see clearly that she was cussing me out with a great deal of rage. </p><p>I chose to stop and I calmy just waved her forward to keep on going. </p><p>She mocked me by waving like I did while continuing to angrily cuss at me. </p><p>I waited. </p><p>She proceeded in front of me and then was forced to stop by the oncoming traffic. </p><p>I was so ... shocked isn't the word. </p><p>Sad, for sure. </p><p>And somewhat confounded. </p><p>Why so angry? </p><p>Because I honked so she wouldn't proceed into the thruway? </p><p>I guess I could have just stopped and let her go on and not done anything at all.</p><p>Yet, there's nothing wrong with using your car horn to alert someone not to plow into you. </p><p>Part of me thinks, perhaps it's not worth it? </p><p>To communicate with the car horn saying, "Hey-- remember there are oncoming cars here, please wait your turn." </p><p>I kept trying to think about what I would have done if someone had honked their horn at me, typically in those moments I have waved and said-- "Oh, I'm so sorry." </p><p>She was so angry and filled with rage as she mocked my gesture and hurled insults at me that met silence by the windows of our car. </p><p>Why so angry? </p><p> It's 7:10am </p><p> We're in the High School parking lot dropping off our kids</p><p> The sun is rising</p><p>As I drove home I couldn't help but contemplate this interaction further. </p><p>I continued to feel so sad. </p><p>I want to just stop the whole thing and go and tell her-- You are okay. </p><p>You are loved. </p><p>I want to hug her. </p><p>And say--- it will be okay. </p><p>As I drove away from the school, another car in front of me, another parent who had just dropped off their child had a bumper sticker that read, "Live. Laugh. Love. And when that doesn't work, Ready, Load, Fire." </p><p>I understand the bumper sticker is being, or trying to be "funny." </p><p>And yet, our first response to practically anything is--- reactive. </p><p>Rarely do we see the capacity to slow down and be thoughtful in the face of interactions with others. </p><p>Faced with pressure to react to a situation, Jesus, often paused. </p><p>When a mob wanted to stone a woman for adultery, Jesus knelt down and doodled in the dirt. (John 8) </p><p>When faced with something that startles us, like someone honking the horn, or worse... where is our capacity to wait, pause, to reflect, to think, to respond?</p><p>What is at work inside of us? </p><p>In this season of Easter I am contemplating so much -- Is Christ alive in me? </p><p>Is it evident? </p><p>Is Christ alive in me? or is Death at work in me? </p><p>Do I offer grace and hope, peace and love? </p><p>Or do I offer the things of decay, death, hurt, and further pain? </p><p>Am I bringing hope or am I bringing fear?</p><p><br /></p><p>Why was this woman so hostile?</p><p>I understand it really isn't about me. </p><p>And yet, I'm so sad. </p><p>Sad- that someone is so on edge, that a honk of a horn warning them with basic driving etiquette, evokes such a rage-filled response. </p><p>The kind of rage that leads to people choosing to take their anger and aim it at others while they shoot them: </p><p>At birthday parties in Alabama </p><p>In banks in Kentucky</p><p>At Easter Egg Hunts in Florida </p><p>A Christian School in Tennessee </p><p>(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_the_United_States) </p><p>I also recognize that this possibility of a rage-filled, on-edge life could be true of any and all of us. </p><p>Being in the world and dealing with life is so hard. </p><p>There is so much pain and stress. </p><p>So many people are walking around with all of that all the time and they have no idea how to deal with it, how to regulate their emotions, how to tolerate the distress they experience, and how to process the pain of life. </p><p><br /></p><p>Most of the time when we try to deal with our heavy feelings and pain- and we tell someone how hard something is, the response we receive can be either:</p><p>- Dismissal-- Yeah- well, get over it, that's just how things are. </p><p>-One-uped - You think you have it hard, well let me tell you... </p><p>The world is aching for an acknowledgment- a validation of their pain-- to just be heard, to be seen, to be loved. </p><p>Jesus does this. </p><p>The very presence of Jesus in the world is the acknowledgment of how much pain God sees us in and how God loves us and says, "You don't have to live this way." </p><p>God sent Jesus to live and suffer WITH us, to love and teach, to be present and connect, to heal and release us from the bondage of sin, and to save us from the chasm of our own sin, pain, and death. </p><p>Life does not have to feel hollow, fearful, angry, and hostile. </p><p>How can we remind each other of this-- devoid of self-righteous, I told you so, despicable religious behavior? </p><p>How can we love in a way that is real and authentic that doesn't come across with a patronizing "I've got it all together" air but comes humbly willing to say-- This is all so hard and Jesus is here with all of us?</p><p>How can we share the love and power of Christ that can defeat this pain and increase our capacity for love, compassion, and grace in a way that those who are in so much pain can truly receive it? </p><p>I don't have an easy answer. </p><p>I do know that loving and offering compassion in this world of hurt and pain is an act of resistance.</p><div style="background: 0px 0px rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Merriweather, serif; font-size: 1.0625rem; line-height: 2.125rem; margin: 0px 0px 35px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b><u>We ask these questions when we profess our faith: </u></b><br />Do you renounce the spiritual forces of wickedness, reject the evil powers of this world,<br />and repent of your sin?</span></div><div style="background: 0px 0px rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Merriweather, serif; font-size: 1.0625rem; line-height: 2.125rem; margin: 0px 0px 35px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 1.0625rem;">Do you accept the freedom and power God gives you </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 1.0625rem;">to resist evil, injustice, and oppression </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 1.0625rem;">in whatever forms they present themselves?</span></div><div style="background: 0px 0px rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Merriweather, serif; font-size: 1.0625rem; line-height: 2.125rem; margin: 0px 0px 35px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 1.0625rem;">Do you confess Jesus Christ as your Savior, </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 1.0625rem;">put your whole trust in his grace, </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 1.0625rem;">and promise to serve him as your Lord, </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 1.0625rem;">in union with the Church which Christ has opened </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 1.0625rem;">to people of all ages, nations, and races?</span></div><p>I love these questions and I am constantly in awe at the depths of what they mean. </p><p>I also know that these three questions are linked and they require a daily response from me. </p><p>I need Jesus. </p><p>Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15: </p><p>"Now I would remind you, brothers and sisters, of the good news that I proclaimed to you, which you in turn received, i<i>n which also you stand,</i> through which also <i>you are being saved</i> if you hold firmly to the message that I proclaimed to-- <i>unless you have come to believe in vain</i>." 1 Cor 15:1-2</p><p> </p><p>Do we say in words, hashtags, social media posts, and superficiality, and not believe and embody the life and love of Christ? </p><p>We all need this reminder. </p><p>Have we come to believe in vain?</p><p>What does it look like to NOT believe in vain?</p><p>What does it look like to rise up and be alive in Christ? </p><p>How can we share God's love and change the world? </p>Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-49896094573296791732023-03-02T11:12:00.002-05:002023-03-02T13:22:40.965-05:00Setting my mind on the Spirit <p> It's the first week of Lent. </p><p>I decided I wanted to write and reflect more for Lent. </p><p>Years ago-- I wrote on this blog more often and there was a time I wrote nearly daily. </p><p>The last post here was in 2020. </p><p>A lot has changed in my life since then. </p><p>I turn 44 tomorrow. </p><p>Years ago I wrote a post reflecting on my 40th birthday and the state of the church. </p><p>Then I was mourning the eventual break of my church. </p><p>I had a spiritual director and we found a connection. </p><p>At the time in 2019, I had been in ministry for 13 years and I felt like I was losing something in my church as the church began to break apart. My parents separated when I was 12 and were divorced by the time I was 13. My family broke apart and in 2019 it seemed as though my church family was breaking apart. My spiritual director and I found a metaphor in my parents' divorce and the divorce that was occuring in the church. I was grieving and feeling lost. </p><p>I hate the phrase, "God only gives us what we can handle." </p><p>I don't believe that is true. </p><p>I cannot handle all that is going on. I need Jesus to hold it all. I can't deal with life. I need Jesus to take the burdens. </p><p>And Thank God for God. Thank God for our Savior Jesus. Thank God for the Holy Spirit interceding, comforting, and convicting. </p><p>Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are weary and caring heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28 </p><p>There was a lot of pain during my adolescence. </p><p>11- Mother fought Breast Cancer </p><p>12- Parents Separated</p><p>13- Parents Divorced</p><p>14- Father Remarried</p><p>- Mother had a life-threatening illness of staff infection in her spine and was hospitalized for weeks. Doctors said she would die or be paralyzed from her neck down. She survived and needed an IV every day for a month or more and I cared for her throughout the summer. </p><p>15- Mother Remarried abusive narcissist.</p><p>16- Mother's husband convinced her to move from Virginia to Alabama and I lived alone. </p><p>17- My step-father had convinced me I was worthless and I almost gave in to that thinking and nearly took my life. </p><p><i>There was more than this.... but all that I'm willing to share publicly now... </i></p><p>I was alone. </p><p>I thought I had to do it all alone. </p><p>I didn't know it could have been different. </p><p>I was not healthy. </p><p>I smoked cigarettes was addicted to caffeine pills and weighed less than 100 lbs at 5'7.</p><p>At my lowest moment- I felt the assurance that God was with me. I can't quite say I remembered this scripture because I'm not sure I knew it then well enough to have remembered it. But I heard it spoken to my heart. Psalm 27:10:<span style="font-family: times;"> "<span style="background-color: white; color: #001320; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the LORD will take care of me.</span></span></p><p>For years that seemed to be the hardest time of my life. And yet, I knew God was with me. God led me through it. </p><p>By 18, I was at college and it was like I had found my home. I grew in my call and clarity about who I was and whose I am, it all became clearer. I found a home at my college, in the United Methodist Church, and most assuredly in a call that God was guiding me in. I began therapy with the chaplain of my college and learned to set boundaries and finally began caring for myself and learning not to hustle for my worth by over-functioning and people-pleasing<i> (still working on all this.)</i></p><p>By 21 I met my husband. </p><p>At 22 we were engaged and I became a missionary. </p><p>By 23 we were married. </p><p>By 24 we were in seminary together. </p><p>I was so grateful that now it seemed I had someone to share life with. To share my joys and sorrows. Someone to pray with me and be in ministry with. We even made our license plate "2Clergy." </p><p>At 27 we were serving in our first church and found out we were pregnant with our first child. </p><p>And by 28 I was a mom. </p><p>And by 29 we had our second child. </p><p><br /></p><p>Last year, he left. </p><p>He had lost himself. </p><p>I had my first birthday in 21 years without him last year. Friends gathered around me and I was loved. </p><p>He didn't communicate much with me or my girls for about 7 months. </p><p>For many of those first months, I cried and I relied on my friends and community. </p><p>I sat in my chair reading my bible and weeping. </p><p>I clung to Jesus and just sat there holding myself with my arms wrapped around my shoulders. </p><p>I would pull into the driveway and just sit there in the car weeping after getting kids or a kid to school.</p><p>My first year as a single mom was hard. </p><p>And it doesn't feel like it's getting any easier. </p><p>My girls are really struggling. One moment one of them will be doing well and then in the morning after a good night, she's telling me she wants to die and she "F'ing hates me." </p><p>Another is refusing school and I celebrate the fact that after 3 weeks out of school, I got her to just go into the building for 30 minutes yesterday. </p><p>I'm so grateful for mental health professionals and for the intensive outpatient therapy program my younger child is doing. And I got a referral from the pediatrician for my older child to do this too. </p><p>My girls struggle with Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and Mood Disorder... </p><p>This morning after I got one kid to school after a lot of struggle. She did apologize for cussing at me and yelling and all the hard things. </p><p>Every day I'm trying to show up and be present and love them and help them and yet it feels like it is never enough. </p><p> I'd love to say I'm co-parenting... but their Dad takes them every other weekend - basically 4 days out of a month. I am thankful for those weekend breaks. I'm thankful for child support. </p><p>I find myself in my second year of doing this grieving still so much. </p><p>I don't grieve the struggles of living with 3 people with mental health struggles in the house and trying to regulate myself, another adult, and 2 teenagers. </p><p>I don't grieve the frustrations and fears when he yelled and screamed and shut down in the midst of crisises with the children. </p><p>I do grieve the life I had imagined I would have. </p><p>I thought I'd have a best friend and partner to pray with me and live in and through this together. </p><p>I thought there would be someone to laugh with and have dinners with the kids around the table, and to celebrate their victories with. </p><p>I have cried out to God so much and wondered, pleaded, and asked-- Why? </p><p>Why have I had to experience the hardest parts of my life alone? </p><p>Why- when I see other people in loving marriages with supportive partners - must I have to parent and navigate this hard time by myself? </p><p>Why Lord!? </p><p>It's not fair. </p><p>I'm sad and weary and tired. </p><p>The car broke.</p><p>The sink broke. </p><p>The flashing tore off the house. </p><p>The car broke again</p><p>The dishwasher broke. </p><p>I feel frustrated and angry. </p><p><br /></p><p>Every day it's hard. </p><p>The girls scream and fight -- about taking a shower, helping with chores, or just getting out of bed-- to function. </p><p><b><u>Every</u> <u>single</u> <u>thing</u> <u>is</u> <u>hard.</u> </b></p><p>And I am<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulKcYItKIA">worn. </a></span></p><p>This morning read through Romans 8 and I read through it again and again. </p><p>"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but t<b>hose who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. </b> To set the mind on the flesh is death, <b>but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.</b> For this reason, the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God's law- indeed it cannot, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. But you are not in the flesh; you are in the Spirit since the Spirit of God dwells in you." <br />Romans 8: 6-9</p><p><br /></p><p>In the moments I am crying -- God is here. </p><p>I long to be held and loved. </p><p>As I weep in my weariness, the Holy Spirit is holding me. </p><p>Jesus is loving me. </p><p>When it feels like I am doing this all alone. </p><p>When I wish that I had someone to be a Father with me as a Mother... </p><p>I pray and I pray and I pray. </p><p>And as I sat here and prayed and cried a friend texted me--- thank you Holy Spirit. </p><p>I called and they prayed with me. </p><p>And then I sat and prayed some more. </p><p>And I know the truth. </p><p><br /></p><p>I do have a Father here. </p><p><br /></p><p>My girls do have a Father who is present and loving, who is patient, and kind. </p><p>My girls have a Father who never leaves. </p><p>I have a partner to walk with me and parent with me. </p><p>I am not alone. </p><p>God is here. </p><p><br /></p><p>This isn't the way I thought it would be. </p><p>But I am not alone. </p><p>When I set my mind on the things of the flesh- I do feel hostile toward God. </p><p> I feel angry and frustrated that I don't have a partner here in the daily struggles or in the small miracles. </p><p> I don't have a companion here to hold me through the night and wake up with me. </p><p>I don't have someone to pray with in the night when tears flood. </p><p>But I do. </p><p>I do have a God who is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. </p><p>I do have a God who will never give up. </p><p>I have a God who keeps his covenant. </p><p><br /></p><p>I'll soon be divorced. </p><p>The covenant I made on July 27, 2002, will be demolished--- it already was when he stopped loving me; when he chose to love someone else; when he shut down; when he didn't ask for help; when he chose to cling to the easy quick impulsive wants rather than to the faith we shared. </p><p>No - this was not what I signed up for. </p><p>I have friends who have had divorce parties. </p><p>I'm not sure how to navigate this. </p><p>It doesn't feel like something to celebrate.</p><p>But I do know that I trust in Jesus. </p><p>I do know that God is doing a new thing.... a million new things. </p><p>I will celebrate that. </p><p>I do know that I'm learning how to love again. </p><p>I do know that I am learning how to be loved in ways I never imagined could happen. </p><p>I do know that God has more for me. </p><p>I do know that I am not alone. </p><p>I will celebrate that. </p><p>I am setting my mind on the things of the Spirit. </p><p>And I am choosing to see and know that God has not and will never leave me. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-42190112801112453362020-10-01T12:23:00.006-04:002020-10-01T13:07:41.541-04:00<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSAEYIEz8xFyhKUWRJCoE5geui-1HGfYWbSJap6yfKbBM1yzL4Uz8lm0_ZioTWUWiRRdDJFliHEXRNHUry5VPDEpjVt4QBH6nnHfJbW3HSJa0-q8zptJgnUO3hNjZF7oyqE0YokFBR8pE/s940/A+prayer+for+Resilience+in+Ministry++.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSAEYIEz8xFyhKUWRJCoE5geui-1HGfYWbSJap6yfKbBM1yzL4Uz8lm0_ZioTWUWiRRdDJFliHEXRNHUry5VPDEpjVt4QBH6nnHfJbW3HSJa0-q8zptJgnUO3hNjZF7oyqE0YokFBR8pE/s320/A+prayer+for+Resilience+in+Ministry++.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: times;">Lord help me.</span><span style="font-family: times; mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large; mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">You called me to a life of ministry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">You called me, Jesus, to follow you.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">You called me Lord, to serve you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">You called me Jesus,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Light of the world,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to shine your light,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to share your love,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to make disciples,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to proclaim the Gospel<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and the truth of Resurrection!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Lord help me!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I love you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I love your people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I love sharing the good news<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and creating space<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">for the healing of your Holy Spirit<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to bring miracles into marriages<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and heal fractures in families,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to create clean hearts,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to heal divisions amongst your people,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to reveal the peace<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">only your presence can bring. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I love to be used by you </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to bring about wholeness, forgiveness, and reconciliation;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to ignite passion in your people;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to see blindness fade and faith grow;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to empower and equip your people so that </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">together, we change the world and build your kingdom. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Lord help me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I know I am not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I know you are with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I know I am surrounded </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">by the saints who have gone before me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I know I am held in covenant </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">with others who </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">say yes to you </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and this great and wondrous call.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Strengthen me<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and give me the courage<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">right now, and each day<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to lay aside every weight<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and the sin that clings so closely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Let me lay it down, Lord Jesus, right now.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Lay it down.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">All my frustration<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">at how cumbersome<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">everything seems,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">at how urgently<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I want to share the Gospel<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and how glacially<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">your church moves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I want to do this work and yet,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I am discouraged by all that seems<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">to hinder and shut out<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">your Spirit of welcoming embrace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I am angry, Lord at the obstacles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I am weary of the entanglements<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">that feel of this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I want accountability and<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I accept the charge we have,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and yet Lord, you call us to be released<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from the bindings and trappings of this world.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Lead us, Lord.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">How do we walk this road at this time?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">How do we throw off all the weight and sin that clings so closely?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Help us run with perseverance<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">the race that is set before us, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">looking to Jesus the pioneer<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and perfecter of our faith,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">who for the sake of the joy<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">that was set before him endured the cross,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">disregarding its shame,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">and has taken his seat<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">at the right hand of the throne of God.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I will run the race with you, Jesus.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I am not ashamed of the Gospel.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">It is the power of God<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">for the salvation of all who believe.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">You are all I need.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I stand with you.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I live to glorify you.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">I am called to proclaim the Gospel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">And I will not be deterred.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;">Amen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></p>Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-60674561019778574912020-05-22T11:07:00.000-04:002020-05-22T11:36:16.981-04:00Dear Momma<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Momma, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember this moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She is now asleep next to you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She is safe.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s all okay now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember this moment -God brought you through it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About two hours ago….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your lip swelled after she knocked her head back to head
butt you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your cheek stung when she slapped you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your foot hurt as she hammered down on it with her heel.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her Elbows tried to dig in your ribs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She punched your back and legs and anywhere she could.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She snapped at you with her teeth trying to bite you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her body writhing in anger possessed by this demon of
depression-- <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She was trying to hurt herself and anyone else…. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She almost crushed your glasses and you quickly moved them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You held her in a proper restraint doing all you could to
keep her safe… but worst of all were her words:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Telling you that you’re nothing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"You don't care."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"I hate you."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"You are a terrible parent. "<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"You have failed."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"No one really likes you." <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She wishes she was never born. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She wishes you would go away and never come back. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 204.0pt;">
She says she wants to die
repeatedly.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 204.0pt;">
"If you loved me, you would
let me die and go to heaven."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 204.0pt;">
"Leave me alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don't care about me anyway."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She is so angry and so sad. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You prayed and asked God to help you stay steady and not
react.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you didn't know how to continue to you reached out to
call her aunts/ your best friends so she could hear that others love
her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And…so, you could draw strength from their presence and
prayers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You kept focused. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You prayed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Even when you tried to say, "I
love you." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She became more fearsome and
lashed out more. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
So, from then on you only said,
"When you drink the water and take a bath, I will let you go and leave you
alone." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She said, "I want to
die."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You asked, "What is your
plan?" <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She said, "I am not going to
cut myself or shoot myself that would hurt too much. I will just refuse to
drink and eat and I will starve and die." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
It took everything you had not to
say a word- not to react- to simply stay focused on holding her safely<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and keeping her from hurting herself or you
more. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
When you called her aunts she was
polite and wanted the conversation to end. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She said you made her feel guilty
and like a monster. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She said, as she often does, "You
are the worst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t know how to do
anything right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are bad at calming
me down." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
The phone calls were a mirror
where she could not deny her behavior. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
It was a moment for you to know you
were not alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You had to send Dad away to
another room, because he screamed when she threatened you and then she reacted
worse.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You had to ask her big sister to go
upstairs because this was not something she needed to be part of and every time
she tried to help she could only talk about wanting to play her video game with
her sister-- so then she was screamed at and told she was selfish and didn't
care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You knew--- they just didn't have
the capacity to give what was needed at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You… didn't have the capacity
either. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
And yet God supplied it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Finally- like a miracle-- she
said- "I'll drink the water." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She took a sip. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You said, "How about you have
11 sips, since you are 11." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She did it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Then you said- "Great now you
can take a bath."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You said," I'll get the bath
all ready for you." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You turned your back for a moment
to get the water going and you didn't know where she went. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You ran downstairs, heart pounding
with so much worry, fearing she had gone outside in the rain or gone to hurt
herself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
But then you found her on the
floor in her sister's room cuddling the dog. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You got everything ready. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Lavender Epson salts in the water.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Her muscles ached from refusing to
get out of bed for a few days. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You placed a hot towel on her
back. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You rubbed her feet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You stayed quiet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She looked up and said, "I
hate that I feel so mad. This is not how I want to feel. I'm sorry I said all those
terrible things to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn't mean
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least not all of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm sorry I hit you and hurt you." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You told her you loved her, you
forgave her, you were there to hep her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
And then you stopped talking. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
And listened. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
And listened. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She talked about how laying in bed
watching TV was the only thing that made her feel good. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You reminded her of spring break
and how you all did art and exercise and had fun. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You mentioned how fun hiking last
week was.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She got mad and splashed you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You calmly reached for the towel
and wiped yourself off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She said, "Mom!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can't just get up and do stuff when you
feel bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you don't want to get out
of bed, you just want to lay there and watch TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's the only thing that helps." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You said, "Until that wears
off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just numbs it for a while."
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She said, "Sometimes I want
to feel numb."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You washed her hair. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You conditioned it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She got mad again and screamed
about getting out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You stayed calm and said,
"Let's rinse the conditioner out." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She relented. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Then she let herself lay back in
the warm bath and she closed her eyes and breathed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You breathed too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Then she rested a bit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Then she was done and wanted out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You asked her to stay while you
got fresh towels.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She complied. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She got dry and but still felt
weak. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She decided to crab walk to the
room with her towel on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Your room. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She hasn't slept in her own room
most of Quarantine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You got her dressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She asked you to fix the bed and
you did. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You got a hairbrush and brushed
her hair. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She said she wanted a haircut.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
"Momma cut my hair now!"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You said, "I'm not good at
that, but I'm happy to get an appointment for you. For now, I can brush it and braid it and get
it out of your way."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You slowly brushed all the knots
and mats out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You braided her hair. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She laughed and told you stories. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Remember this Momma. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You sat brushing her hair and she
said, "I love you Momma." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
An hour before she was telling you
she hated you and wanted to die. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
She colored on a coloring app while telling
you stories. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Today you pushed depression back. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
But it was not defeated. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
And you still you resiliently
resisted. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
You breathe and remember the
advice a church member gave you when you brought your first child home,
"You only need to keep them alive." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Advice meant to keep you from
worrying about all the other stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
It's harder than you think. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Every day-- Just keep them alive. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
They will hate you, then love you,
they will know everything, and you will know nothing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Do not react. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
And keep them alive. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Trust in God and hope.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Keep on loving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will get better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
For now--rest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Then let your busted lip heal. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Eat some food. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Take care of yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 243.0pt;">
Read this and remember whenever
you need it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-2898051722027924412019-03-02T11:14:00.004-05:002019-03-02T12:03:41.159-05:00Reflections on turning 40, General Conference, and finding a true home <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart has been hurting so much this week. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have gone from moments of hopelessness, to invigorated
sticktuitness, to a desire to give up and just be and to do something else with
my life and …..then…. I go around again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have reminded myself that in grieving, it is best not to
make any decisions for a year. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A parishioner asked me, "Why are people so upset if
nothing has really changed?" <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Book of Discipline on the matter of LBGBTQIA+ people has
not changed, it has strengthened its penalties related to clergy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My first thought was this process and how we behave and what
all this says about us ---This may be, what I am grieving. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, I had hoped for a different outcome. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I tend to be a person more focused on process than
product.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a group makes a
decision that I do not agree with, I can be okay as long as the process was
loving, kind, and contextual to the people and places the decision
affects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A good friend and I talked about this and she said something helpful for me- that she noted that those for the One Church Plan and those for the Traditional Plan may be defining what is is to be "loving" differently. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who were for the One Church Plan felt that the loving
thing to do was to be able to be one church to "love alike, even if we
think alike." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who were for the Traditional Plan felt like the loving thing to do was to hold others to their understanding of biblical accountability. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="text 1Cor-13-4" id="en-NRSV-28654" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">4 </span>Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"></span><span class="text 1Cor-13-5" id="en-NRSV-28655" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">5 </span>or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"></span><span class="text 1Cor-13-6" id="en-NRSV-28656" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">6 </span>it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"></span><span class="text 1Cor-13-7" id="en-NRSV-28657" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">7 </span>It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had hoped that the church could be a beacon of light to
say that we can love one another and have space for different understandings <i>even when </i>we disagree. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We do not agree or have the same understanding on a number of theological issues. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We do not understand fully the Holy Mystery of communion, we do not fully understand the Holy Trinity, we do not agree on how God created the earth. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had hoped for the One Church Plan because I hoped that through the church, God could show the world a new way of being.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We do not see that modeled anywhere.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everywhere we see division, bitterness, slander, malice, and
I had hoped we could see one another first as beloved sisters and brothers
rather than opponents on differing sides of a theological issue. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that is only part of what I am grieving. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart hurts so much in a personal way-- so why am I
grieving? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a white, cis-gendered, straight, married, mother of two--
how does General Conference affect me other than the fact that I am a clergy
person who followed the rules a week ago and still is
following the rules of the church today. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a rule follower. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always have been. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to wonder if I would have been
courageous enough, to stand up against Nazi's during the Holocaust, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to march during the Civil Rights Era, to care
for refugees if I lived on the border of a war-torn nation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope that I would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have not had to break any rules to follow
my conscience so far in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I
believe that makes me fairly privileged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love people and I love loving ALL people. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't like living divided. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I am by nature not one to antagonize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am not a rebel rouser.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may cuss and "Detroit Beth" comes out if I get
riled up…. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I am by nature a peace maker, a dialogue creator, a
bridge builder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have willingly placed myself in places where I would not
be readily accepted because I felt called to serve God and love people. (A
Birmingham, AL women's shelter, the streets of Detroit loving the homeless,
serving as the chaplain in a mixed income housing community in East Atlanta).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have served in places where I was harshly
judged for being a woman, for being young, and for being a mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Not gonna name those places).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I have loved them all. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been fully me in all these places, although who I am has not always wanted, accepted, or appreciated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">And I have loved them all. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have served in churches filled with parishioners who were
the first to go march in the streets for peace and justice AND in churches
where their news channel stays unchanged on FOX news. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I have loved them all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have served churches with people of ages, nations, races, sexual orientations, and gender identities. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I love them all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love being in a room of diversity -of color, gender, age, identity,
and opinion. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do not like being in places where I am told I must agree
in order to be included; I had enough of that growing up in the Buckle of the
Bible Belt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Growing up there, the sometimes outspoken, but always
underlying attitude was Catholics weren't really Christians, People of any
religion other than fundamentalist Christian were to be eyed with suspicion,
People of color were second class, women were not allowed to speak in church,
Science didn't matter, Higher Education was for only the rich, etc… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everything felt segmented and segregated growing up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was nothing that eased feeling fractured and broken in
this culture, including my family, who were broken and fractured in their own
right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It felt like we were Broken and Broken and broken and broken
and broken over and over again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It felt like I was never enough to fit in or belong. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was never enough time to <i>just be. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was never worthy enough. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And there was never enough capacity of love to be given. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was always yearning and searching for what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">home</i> felt like. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The place that felt safe and worthy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The place where love lived even when opposition arose. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The place where you didn't have to be <i>only one thing</i> to
matter or make a difference. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I found that place. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By a cross at Lake Shalom, singing how "It Only Takes a
Spark to Get a Fire Going" every summer at Camp Hat Creek. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I found that place. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the streaming light of Yielding Chapel at Birmingham-Southern College while holding a
red hymnal in my hands and reading about this grace of Jesus Christ that loves me
no matter what and will never let me go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I said Yes to a Call in that chapel and thirteen years
later as I kneeled before my Bishop with her hands laid on me telling me to
"Take Thou Authority of the Word of God."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What am I grieving? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought I had found my home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Found my family. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The safe place to fully be me and who God called me to be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To fully serve and make a difference. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To be part of something that was connected all over the
world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To really feel and witness the power of the Holy Spirit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now…. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That home is fractured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That home feels like a place that says, I am not welcome and
I am not worthy to be here. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why does it feel like that now and not a week ago? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because it says, to me, if my call and my faith call me to
welcome my LGBTAI+ sisters and brothers into full inclusion as part of the Body
of Christ that I am unchristian, unfaithful, and unwelcome. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This home, that used to feel like a big tent where all were
wanted and welcome. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now feels like a box that where I may no longer fit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I've been praying. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I realized... I was wrong about what the <i>home</i> was. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The home I found, wasn't Camp Hat Creek, or Yielding Chapel at Birmingham-Southern College, or even The United Methodist Church. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These places have lived out glimpses of my home, but they are ultimately not my home. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The home I have found is in the Kingdom of God. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some refer to it as the Kin-Dom of God-- because it is a place where we are kin, where we are truly all family, no matter what. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
United by the love of Jesus Christ. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Kingdom of God is bigger than any institution we can create. <br />
And Jesus Christ and His Kingdom will never forsake me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I turn 40 tomorrow. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I I've been reflecting on what I am done doing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I struggle with self-care and people pleasing and working
too much (too often at the expense of my family and my own well-being). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I decided I don't want to spend the second half of my life
doing those things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't want to be stuck in a box or to fight to make one
bigger. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That doesn't mean I don’t care or I don't want justice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It doesn't mean the church isn't worth fighting for. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It especially doesn't mean that those who have been harmed
by the church aren't worth fighting for. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't really know what it means. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe I don’t think I'm a good fighter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe I just want to use my energy to work <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for </i>rather than <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">against</i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to focus on sharing the good news of Jesus and loving
people. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to focus on equipping the saints for the building up
of the body of Christ. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In some ways.... I'm not sure how to do that here anymore.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because it's looking like I need to make a choice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can't stay where the walls are closing in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I don't want have the desire fight about an institution anymore. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I will listen and keep praying. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For now, I will keep loving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will keep serving. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will remember who I am and why God called me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will keep listening and praying. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God called me to ministry. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And God has not released me from this call. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So tomorrow, on the day I turn 40. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will get up, I will praise God. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will lead my church. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will preach God's word. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will love like Jesus. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will preside at the table of our Lord. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will serve communion. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will pray with and for my congregation. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will hold on to hope. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will cling to Jesus. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span class="text Heb-10-23" id="en-NIV-30157" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Let us hold unswervingly to the hope<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30157AM" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30157AM" title="See cross-reference AM">AM</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> we profess,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30157AN" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30157AN" title="See cross-reference AN">AN</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> for he who promised is faithful.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30157AO" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30157AO" title="See cross-reference AO">AO</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Heb-10-24" id="en-NIV-30158" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span>And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30158AP" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30158AP" title="See cross-reference AP">AP</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Heb-10-25" id="en-NIV-30159" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">not giving up meeting together,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30159AQ" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30159AQ" title="See cross-reference AQ">AQ</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30159AR" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30159AR" title="See cross-reference AR">AR</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. - Hebrews 10: 23-25</span></div>
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<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-72925444091830871092018-09-19T22:07:00.001-04:002018-09-19T22:30:00.626-04:00After the 8th Day of School <div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="c63d0-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="c63d0-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We have had our 8th day of school. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="c63d0-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We had 4 days and then one day and then we waited for the Hurricane. </span></div>
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After the Hurricane, we send the relief help and prayers to those who are suffering in the Carolinas as we send our children back to school seeking rhythm and routine. </div>
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And today is the the 8th day of school. </div>
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<span data-offset-key="4qgma-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We've been figuring out the middle school schedule. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="58o0v-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Grace typically takes a small dose of her ADHD medicine at 3pm....but school doesn't start to dismiss until after 4 and she's home by 4:30pm. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="16eif-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Yesterday we talked with her doctor about this and he said, "We'll just see if she needs it or not." </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="9velm-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Well- she does. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="f5jhi-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We saw that clearly today. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="9j5e5-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">A person with ADHD uses a huge amount of energy and focus just to get through the day. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEl1kpIXR5zEtETdNg30KQPHo46elrmjPtqtzks6fWJ7TYS3vY7A4D0LMOjC9XWjuV8D070BsQY9rwWyM8bwEzQWyGkx_CSTn0mOYJPWVpYqt5qXI9DkqDxAoVLC19jsYIZhn7pY1l0cg/s1600/adhd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="305" data-original-width="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEl1kpIXR5zEtETdNg30KQPHo46elrmjPtqtzks6fWJ7TYS3vY7A4D0LMOjC9XWjuV8D070BsQY9rwWyM8bwEzQWyGkx_CSTn0mOYJPWVpYqt5qXI9DkqDxAoVLC19jsYIZhn7pY1l0cg/s1600/adhd.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span data-offset-key="ddi8n-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Add to that anxiety-- and it can be even harder. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="ddi8n-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="c6rji-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Every ounce of energy and self control is harnessed in order to navigate what other folks may see as simple tasks. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="c6rji-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="a6lh8-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Simply figuring out the most logical order to do tasks can be difficult for someone who has ADHD and anxiety. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="277lc-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">This also can open them to see things in surprising and creative ways... </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="b0cqs-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Tonight Grace was exhausted. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="1nfd8-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">And she had nothing left- no energy to be with people, no energy to navigate and function even when given clear instructions and expectations. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="5l0lh-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We had moments when I thought I was asking her to do something simple- ( you may watch a show after homework is completed) but given her reserves and resources (or lack of) it was like asking her to climb a mountain. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="evaub-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">And she melted down. </span></div>
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She could not process it all. </div>
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She was zooming in to obsess over this one thing she had to do. And I was not letting her have it. At least, that's how she saw it. </div>
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<span data-offset-key="4lbkp-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Then she was embarrassed because we were at church and other people saw her. </span></div>
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Wednesdays for us mean --church dinner and small groups. </div>
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I had a small group to lead, my husband had a group to lead, her sister was in bible study too.... </div>
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She wanted to go home. </div>
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She had never taken her plate from dinner to the window, so it never got scraped or cleaned. </div>
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So-- I made her clean it up. </div>
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Again--- mean mom. </div>
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It's hard to find the places where you give in and where you maintain a semblance of structure and personal responsibility. </div>
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So on this-- I said she couldn't just leave the dirty plate and I wasn't going to do it for her. </div>
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I would be with her and help her. She did the washing and I helped squirt the soap and rinse. </div>
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She went to the car, I went to pack up my things.... </div>
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<span data-offset-key="3b1uh-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We began to process it on our way home...but she really wasn't even in a place to be able to process. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fbqco-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br data-text="true" /></i></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="cvkc0-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>But we were able to get one thing clear. </i></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="cvkc0-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="mm6t-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="mm6t-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="mm6t-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">She said, "Everyone saw me. Everyone will think I am a maniac or that there is something wrong with me." </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="ci5bk-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ci5bk-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="ci5bk-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="6pjs6-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="6pjs6-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="6pjs6-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I said, "No- there is nothing wrong with you. You were not able to be your best self tonight because you were not medicated. This is not about you-- this is about not having the resources you needed to be your best self. Do you see the difference?" </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="98v8g-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="98v8g-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="98v8g-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="ej2l4-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ej2l4-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="ej2l4-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I am more productive when I've had coffee. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="f2kme-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="f2kme-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="f2kme-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I'm really productive when I've had a full night's rest. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="a6c5n-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="a6c5n-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="a6c5n-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I have been known to be snappy when I am hungry. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="ac415-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="ac415-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="ac415-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="239s2-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="239s2-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="239s2-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I tried really hard tonight to be generous. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="60rcv-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="60rcv-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="60rcv-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">To be filled with a generous amount of empathy when she said repeatedly, " I hate you" or "You are the worst." </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="41pq3-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="41pq3-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="41pq3-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Because I know she is not able to be her best self right now. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="7g6is-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7g6is-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="7g6is-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="c1q1m-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="c1q1m-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="c1q1m-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">On my best day I will never be "<i>the best" </i>mom/pastor/wife/person and on my worst days I won't be "<i>the worst." </i>I'll just be me doing the best I can with what I have at that moment. </span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="c1q1m-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="c1q1m-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="c1q1m-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;">
<span data-offset-key="c1q1m-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="8jao2-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7nq3r" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>Most of us are just doing the best we can with what we have at any given moment. </i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">Whenever I see people struggling, I want to be able to be generous. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">I want to be able to be filled with the kind of empathy that leads me to simply meet them where they are and acknowledge that they may be doing the best they can with what they have available at that given moment. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">That is not ever an excuse.... </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">We can grow our capacity and our ability to deal with difficult situations. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">We can expand our resources and reserves so that we are ready to be resilient through challenges. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">But we will also never be ready to perfectly handle everything that comes. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">But That is what I want to do. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">I want to know the exact right thing to do and say at every moment. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">I want to be able to do the right thing that won't set my child off. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">But I can't operate that way. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">I want to be able to never have to hold her while she cries and calls herself names. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">But I know this will happen again. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">I want to never hear her say, "I hate myself and I want to die." </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">But these words have become ingrained her her system and it will continue to take work to remove them. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">I want to make it through this November without her spiraling into depression. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">Because I have done that the last two years, and I don't want to go there again. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;">I mostly want a guarantee that she will live a full, happy, and fruitful life being able to always access the best of herself. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
But the world whispers to me, "There are no guarantees." </div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<br /></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
And faith says back, "Yes there are." </div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<br /></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
I know God will always love us. </div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
I know Jesus will always walk with us (often carrying us). </div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
I know the Holy Spirit breathes deep breathes in me and through me. </div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<br /></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
And I know the same is true for Grace. </div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<br /></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
I'm going to hear "You're the worst mom ever" and "I hate you" again. </div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<br /></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
But for tonight I am thankful I have a two girls who are asleep in their beds and they know they are loved. </div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; position: relative; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<br /></div>
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After hearing Sophia share the daily "Tell me 5 things about school today" I said, 'Why do you think I want to hear about your day so much?" She laughed and in a non-sassy/ more silly way-- rolled her eyes and said, "I know! Because you love me!" </div>
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<br /></div>
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After finishing her homework tonight with the TV off- Grace said, "That was so much easier!" </div>
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So much easier than what? </div>
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Easier than her trying to do it with the TV on! </div>
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i said, 'Yeah- now you can enjoy your show... because the work is done." </div>
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<br /></div>
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There is always an "after" </div>
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<br /></div>
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After we get more sleep. </div>
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After we have taken the medication we need. </div>
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After we have had food. </div>
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After we are calm, collected and ready to be kind....</div>
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After we have exchanged our warring hearts for hearts of peace.....</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Jesus showed us this.... </div>
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<br /></div>
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After the storm. </div>
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After the tables were turned over. </div>
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After a lot of prayer. </div>
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After denial and desertion. </div>
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After pain and sacrifice. </div>
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After forgiveness and grace. </div>
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After 3 days. </div>
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<br /></div>
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After.. . always comes resurrection. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Praying for all those who struggle tonight. </div>
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All those wishing they could skip to the after, but who are right now in the messy middle. </div>
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Praying they can feel God loving them in it, <br />
praying they can see Jesus walking beside and leading them through it, <br />
and praying they can access the Holy Spirit power to breathe in the midst of it. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Amen. </div>
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<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="8dm32-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><span data-text="true" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
</div>
Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-91081521040138865122018-06-29T23:48:00.000-04:002018-06-30T00:04:40.401-04:00Nights Like This <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVv_MKf_pxyTUHUd1euJxiB9nJ3_lng5OIwpCllU-XZD8mGKUgxXIkfvVyXCrHBZ-6A_cbZzhyphenhyphenkd7ezkv57F72gY3MqdPXFhpzzzVMjL8Cc2I0-hMhbuD2HpIwn0T6UA3gLhKFD2ucwT8/s1600/image-praying-woman-hands-wooden-table-51729658.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="160" data-original-width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVv_MKf_pxyTUHUd1euJxiB9nJ3_lng5OIwpCllU-XZD8mGKUgxXIkfvVyXCrHBZ-6A_cbZzhyphenhyphenkd7ezkv57F72gY3MqdPXFhpzzzVMjL8Cc2I0-hMhbuD2HpIwn0T6UA3gLhKFD2ucwT8/s1600/image-praying-woman-hands-wooden-table-51729658.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">On the nights when the anxiety rages and roars<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">On the nights when she hits and kicks and punches<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
walls, Herself, Us<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">On the nights she screams<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Words of hate and harm <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">On these nights<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I just breathe. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I pray. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I tell him to take her sister out of the room<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I tell her how much we love her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I tell her we are here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I try to remind her of who she is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I get her to her room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">She rages and I pray for rest to come. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I wrap my arms around her, but I am pushed away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I just sit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And I stay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I am here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I am not going anywhere. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I love you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You are not alone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I whisper and pray these words <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Until she is fully asleep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I lay my hand on her back and thank God for her
breaths. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Keep breathing in her Lord. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We are on a journey we did not ask for. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But this is where we are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And we are All in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Nothing will separate us from God's love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We will be sustained. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Nothing will stop our love for our girl. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And we believe <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That not even this monster that rages <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A monster
that thrives and triggers <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
monster that tries to steal our child<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">This monster of mental illness will not win. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">She is stronger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We are stronger. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Our faith is stronger. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Her faith is stronger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">God is here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-69344635018840353242016-11-28T02:39:00.001-05:002016-11-28T02:43:33.395-05:00When the Dam Breaks Recently, I've asked for prayers for our daughter Grace.<br />
<br />
Our daughter has struggled with anxiety for the past two years.<br />
<br />
At the time, I resigned from serving on Conference Boards and committees, so I could be more available to help her.<br />
<br />
We had many nights, where we prayed and prayed for God to lead us and help us comfort her, guide her, calm her and give her all she needed to be happy and successful.<br />
<br />
We found a great counselor and learned tools for our toolbox and triggers of her anxiety.<br />
<br />
We had her evaluated by teachers and her pediatrician for ADD/ ADHD knowing my husband struggled with ADHD throughout his childhood. <br />
<br />
At that time ADD was ruled out and the Dr said he saw anxiety and suggested we could begin medication, or simply continue with counseling. We chose to continue with counseling. <br />
<br />
Then, this summer we moved.<br />
<br />
The tools in our tool box didn't always work. <br />
<br />
By October, we saw clearly that we needed more help- more tools, and a bigger toolbox.<br />
<br />
We began to seek the help of doctors and therapists. <br />
<br />
Looking back, the best description I can have is that for the past few years, there has been a dam that was leaking-- and the leaks were the anxiety we saw and sought to manage.<br />
<br />
Shortly after Halloween, the dam burst.<br />
<br />
And all kinds of things that had never been present, were now present.<br />
<br />
A journey we started a few years ago has become more clear and more complex all at once.<br />
<br />
Over the last month, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, pediatricians and soon to be more doctors, occupational therapists, and who knows who else will help us learn more of how we can help our daughter navigate all that we now are dealing with.<br />
<br />
In addition to anxiety, she has now been diagnosed with ADHD and depression.<br />
<br />
We have been so thankful for so much love and support from friends, family, our church.<br />
<br />
We share about what's going on freely and without stigma. <br />
<br />
Our daughter has learned that anxiety, depression, ADHD are all medical, neurological, biological conditions that are not unlike other health conditions. <br />
<br />
We have so appreciated the many people who have offered meals, presence, and support. <br />
<br />
When I've shared the metaphor of the dam that leaked and has now broken-- some kind and caring folks have responded by saying, "Well, you all will help her rebuild the dam." I wasn't offended.... trust me-- genuine care and concern will never offend me. <br />
<br />
The dam isn't coming back.<br />
<br />
But we are no longer sinking, drowning, or treading water... although there are days it can feel like that.<br />
<br />
We've been holding on to the life rafts. <br />
<br />
We have sought to find what was the trigger or triggers that led to this bursting dam. There isn't one.... and perhaps it is just that it held together for awhile and then... no longer could. <br />
<br />
No, we won't be rebuilding the dam. <br />
<br />
But we will be building a ship - indeed, an aircraft carrier would do nicely.<br />
One that can help her launch into the world knowing that she has everything she needs to be successful, joyful, and her best self.<br />
<br />
We often talk about how it takes a village - it isn't just a saying, it is true<br />
<br />
It take the Body of Christ. <br />
<br />
It takes every single one of us.<br />
<br />
I cannot stop thanking God for the kindness and love everyone has given us. <br />
<br />
I cannot stop praising God for the love, grace, comfort, and light God steadfastly gives to lead through each day, sometimes it is each hour....<br />
<br />
I called one of my best friends yesterday and said, "Please tell me its going to get easier."<br />
<br />
She said, "It may not get easier.... But I can promise you I'm here with you."<br />
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I have felt this love and support from so many. <br />
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We are not alone.<br />
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This year, I need Advent more than ever.<br />
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This year, I know so fully the Incarnation-- I know God is with us and has come for us.<br />
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This year, we clamor for the light more expectant than ever-- for we have been walking in deeper darkness than we've ever faced.<br />
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But Christ has come and will come again.<br />
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The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not and will never overcome it. <br />
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Thanks be to God for the light that shines,<br />
the hope that conquers fear,<br />
the peace that calms our restlessness,<br />
the joy that sustains all,<br />
and the love of Christ which binds us together.<br />
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<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-26935271505876000152016-07-09T23:45:00.000-04:002016-07-09T23:49:09.657-04:00The Long View <div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This prayer was posted in a clergywomen's group I'm in tonight and it gave me great peace. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It's called the Romero prayer, but written by Bishop Ken Untener. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> I pray that it will remind you of who you are and fill you with grace as it has for me today. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Tomorrow my sermon is "Who We Are" and this prayer was a great way to ground me as I prepared for tomorrow. </span></div>
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<i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It helps, now and
then, to step back and take a long view. </span></i></div>
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The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision.<br />
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We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent<br />
enterprise that is God's work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of<br />
saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.<br />
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No statement says all that could be said.<br />
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No prayer fully expresses our faith.<br />
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No confession brings perfection.<br />
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No pastoral visit brings wholeness.<br />
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No program accomplishes the Church's mission.<br />
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No set of goals and objectives includes everything.<br />
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This is what we are about.<br />
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We plant the seeds that one day will grow.<br />
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We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.<br />
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We lay foundations that will need further development.<br />
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We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.<br />
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We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.<br />
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This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.<br />
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It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an<br />
opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.<br />
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We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master<br />
builder and the worker.<br />
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We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.<br />
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We are prophets of a future not our own.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="border: 1pt none windowtext; padding: 0in;">--------Bishop Ken Untener of Saginaw</span></b> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-4098362676323953572016-07-09T01:07:00.001-04:002016-07-09T01:28:35.585-04:00Lord, Have Mercy. Christ, Have Mercy. <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 13.5pt;">
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">This week began as my
first full week serving a church filled with amazing people.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> I've been
doing a lot of listening. I've been doing a lot of praying. I've
been trying to get my office organized, catch up on sermon planning, meet tons
of new people, provide opportunities for fun for 2 girls, and keep
everything--everything up. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Every day I have no idea how the day finished
already. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Each day has been full and usually 12-14 hours of non stop work.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">God is in it all. But I've been tired at the end of each day.
Exhausted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am barely getting
"it all done" <i>(really-- not at all)</i> and I have not kept up with the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I see updates on my
phone and I breathe and pray and keep going and later... I lay in bed at 1 and 2
am after the day's work is done(or at least stopped) I read about the
atrocities in the world with my heart breaking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">And I fall asleep
praying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Knowing God
is real and here in the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Knowing God
doesn't get exhausted like I do.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">And I pray. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Lord, Have Mercy. </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Christ, Have Mercy.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEuvVmACjEC0VG0po-ZF-WsODc87pxZ2RvvbJpVfEh24rF60bZ-DsgZCh8anOuh6mfWcsASlMUjl9P9fMXKZWLTn2gC5wH3ltBo_XPpEMvdYgxPfMLxBa_YEKdoMmJ0pLnr6VNGr49BkI/s1600/lord+have+mercy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEuvVmACjEC0VG0po-ZF-WsODc87pxZ2RvvbJpVfEh24rF60bZ-DsgZCh8anOuh6mfWcsASlMUjl9P9fMXKZWLTn2gC5wH3ltBo_XPpEMvdYgxPfMLxBa_YEKdoMmJ0pLnr6VNGr49BkI/s320/lord+have+mercy.jpg" width="227" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">That's all I've got. For now. And I just have to let it be enough. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">My prayers are enough.,.for now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I haven't been making speeches or writing great blogs - I have amazing friends who are doing this needed and prophetic work. But all I could do in this week was pray-- and keep being there for my church in this new time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I pray. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I pray about what I know
and I pray about all I don't know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I haven't cried this
week about the injustices of this world because I haven't let myself feel it
all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I'm not trying to be
numb.... I have just felt so much already. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">In a new appointment - I
feel like a sponge- and I am soaking it all in..... and I just have no more
room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">But.... I can't <u>not</u>
know--- I can't <u>not </u>care. I can't <u>not</u> feel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">But I just can't respond
to it all right now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">It doesn't mean I don't
care. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">It doesn't mean my
silence is a condoning of injustice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">It just means- I'm doing all I can right now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">My prayers are not any
less real when they aren't posted on Facebook. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">And yet- as a pastor- as
a public theologian- I have a responsibility to lead, to bear witness, to
equip, to encourage, to speak out, to call out injustice, to comfort the
broken, and to always, always, always share the good news. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So today- finally on the
first Sabbath day I've had-- I let my focus be on </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">uninterrupted</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> time time with my husband. I really needed it. I am so thankful for him. We caught up on the week and on what we've been feeling and thinking. And together we caught up on the world and the news. And then I gave myself some silence from the world. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">And now I have the energy to respond publicly-- rather than in the late night silence after my exhaustion, but now from a place of Sabbath renewal. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">And now.... now I
weep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">With my newfound energy
from this day-- I weep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Tears and prayers and
anger and fear and sadness and hope and worry and tears and prayers and no
words—no words—and no words are adequate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I pray for Alton
Sterling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I pray for Philando
Castile. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I pray for the <a href="http://www.11alive.com/news/crime/names-of-officers-hit-by-gunfire/267747424" target="_blank">five officers</a> who lost their lives in senseless violence protecting their community:
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Brent Thompson<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Patrick Zamarripa<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Michael Krol<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Michael Smith<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Lorne Ahrens<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I pray and I pray and I
pray. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">And often my prayers are
wordless-because I have no words and I need no words—for the Spirit intercedes
with sighs too deep for words. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheAPR5QgdK_s_jtrFvQ001P_rmLrImBx6C45W8UdjQrrbWa0Nt8HP5kCLCv2ZFL6RTbZGmsrzTwE3WAIRzB9RQohMxMhVei1qsOXjqrH_BtxgED52QgBrzicxK6ESSp-zz8Cr7kEeXJjc/s1600/sigs+too+deep.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheAPR5QgdK_s_jtrFvQ001P_rmLrImBx6C45W8UdjQrrbWa0Nt8HP5kCLCv2ZFL6RTbZGmsrzTwE3WAIRzB9RQohMxMhVei1qsOXjqrH_BtxgED52QgBrzicxK6ESSp-zz8Cr7kEeXJjc/s320/sigs+too+deep.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I pray. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am praying for a day
when fear no longer rules. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> For the day when peace reigns. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> For the day when love is our primary
response. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> I am praying for an end to violence, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> For
hope to invade. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> For compassion to lead. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> For love to ignite every heart. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am praying for our prayers to turn into changed hearts, opened minds, and a transformed world. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">I am praying for our prayers to create conversations where there is now chaos. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">I am praying for our prayers to turn confusion into clarity. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">I am praying for our prayers to turn prejudice into peace. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
Please pray with me and for me. <br />
Pray I can be present for all the people I need and want to be present for.<br />
Pray I will rest when I need to rest. <br />
Pray I will do what I need to do when I need to do it.<br />
Pray I will listen when I need to listen and speak when I need to speak.<br />
Pray that this Sunday I will have the courage to lead as God is calling me to lead.<br />
<br />
Amen.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-85203213835605109962016-02-01T12:58:00.000-05:002016-02-01T13:07:47.144-05:00Lent: A New Normal ----Our life, or new life in Christ<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Recently I was asked,
“Why does Easter move anyway?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I knew I had learned
this at one time, but I also knew I did not remember. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Other than knowing it
had something to do with the moon, I could not articulate my answer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We know the date for
Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and St. Patrick ’s Day—but Easter, well that one
moves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here is the short
answer:</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Easter falls on the
first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox, unless
the full moon falls on a Sunday, then it is delayed a week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Is your head hurting
yet?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The vernal equinox is
the Spring Equinox- March 21. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">March 22 is the
earliest Easter can occur on any given year, and April 25 is the latest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You may be wondering,
as I did, just how this formula got put into place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Easter and Passover<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Easter was once
determined by the date of Passover.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jesus celebrated
Passover with his disciples. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Passover celebrates
how the Israelites, when slaves in Egypt, were protected by the blood of the
lamb across their doorways, as death passed over them during the plague. Because of the blood of the lamb they were
protected and liberated. God saved them
and brought them to freedom through the sea.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">That Passover meal
became the Last Supper where Jesus instituted the sacrament Holy Communion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here in this meal
Jesus shared the new covenant offering forgiveness, love, and grace. In the New Covenant Jesus shared a four part
blessing—he <i>took </i>the bread, <i>blessed </i>it, <i>broke</i> it, and <i>gave </i>it to
his disciples. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">His life was taken,
blessed, broken, and given <i>so that</i> we
would have new life in this new covenant, forgiven, and made new. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jesus became the
Paschal Lamb, whose blood would protect us, free us, and lead us to new
life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">On that night Jesus
was betrayed and the next day he was crucified and on the third day he rose
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">In this way, Easter is
connected theologically to Passover.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A Little History<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">But <i>the date</i> became no longer dependent upon
Passover at the Council of Nicaea. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This was the first
ecumenical gathering of the Christian Church where the church uniformly came
together to agree upon doctrine which is articulated in the Nicaean Creed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At this meeting the Church
also argued over the reliability of dating mechanisms and chose to no longer
use the Jewish Calendar to determine
Easter. Instead they began to calculate the
date using the Julian Calendar whereby the date would be calculated using the
date from spring equinox so that Easter would be the first Sunday following the
full moon after the spring equinox. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The Church continued this
practice calculating Easter with the Julian Calendar until the 1500’s when the
church realized that their reliance on this calendar was causing them to
incorrectly date the spring equinox (<i>the
spring equinox </i></span><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">is the one day in spring when there is exactly
12 hours of sunlight and 12 hours of darkness). <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">The Julian calendar
assumes the year is exactly 365.25 days long. Unfortunately, the actual solar
year is slightly shorter (it is 365.242199 days to be exact). Although the
difference appears minor, it can add up over the centuries. In fact, every 129
years, the Julian calendar slipped one additional day out of synchronization
with the actual solar year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">So if the date for
Easter was off- then Lent, Ash Wednesday, Pentecost would so be off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">To correct this, Pope Gregory
XIII, issued a papal bull in 1582 that resulted in several calendar revisions,
the most important being the creation of the Gregorian calendar. <a href="file:///C:/Users/Pastor%20Beth/Dropbox/BHUMC%20Documents/Communication/Newsletter/2016/February%202016/Pastor%20Beth.docx#_edn1" name="_ednref1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[i]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The Western Church
decided to use a Gregorian Calendar system, while the Easter Orthodox continued
to use a Julian Calendar. So the date for Easter, for the Roman
Catholic Church and Protestant Church continues to be set using this
calculation, while the Eastern Orthodox Church continues to use the Julian
Calendar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Who is Easter Really About?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">However the Church has
begun to talk about creating a set date for Easter . The Archbishop of Canterbury has said that it
would help schools and families to arrange terms and holidays. <a href="file:///C:/Users/Pastor%20Beth/Dropbox/BHUMC%20Documents/Communication/Newsletter/2016/February%202016/Pastor%20Beth.docx#_edn2" name="_ednref2" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">[ii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Having a set date
certainly would help us arrange <i>our </i>schedules
and plan<i> our</i> lives. And I’m definitely glad that the spring break
in Chesterfield County falls the week <i>after
</i>Easter this year, rather than the week of Holy Week, so that families can
worship through the week at church on Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday,
and Easter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Yet, something in me
finds the fact that Easter moves a good thing.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The purpose of Lent is
for us to refocus and stop putting ourselves first, to repent and believe the
Gospel remembering that we are dust and it is Christ who give us life—new life! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Moving Easter for <i>our convenience</i>, seems to me to contrary
to the reason for Lent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Perhaps when Easter
messes up <i>our schedules, </i>it is a good
thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We have to repent and reorient
ourselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Every year, we have to ask ourselves, “When is
Easter?” And perhaps that may become the
start of our Lenten practice? Have our habits and spiritual disciplines become
old, worn, rote even? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="background: white; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 39pt;">
<b><i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When
is Easter and how can we reorient our lives to be in line with the meaning of Easter,
rather than move Easter be in line with our desires. <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Jesus Christ comes and
makes everything new! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When the date of
Easter changes each year—we have to shift and be made new. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Nothing stays the
same, except for the steadfast love of God.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We drift away filing
our lives with our plans and our purposes.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We create<i> our</i> life, and in so doing we forget how
Christ gave His life for us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Easter this year is on
March 27, and the 40 days leading to this day begin Lent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">On February 9, I hope
to see you for Shrove Tuesday as we begin putting Christ first in our schedule
and plans and walking with our Savior first in our schedule. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The next day, February
10 is Ash Wednesday, we will place the ashes burnt from last Palm Sunday’s
palms as the sign of the cross on our heads, humbling ourselves, remembering
who we are- from ashes we came and from ashes will we return, and knowing that
when we repent and believe the Gospel we have new life. We will offer a Children’s Ash Wednesday
Service at 6:30 and a Traditional Ash Wednesday Service at 7:30 so that people
of all ages are able to experience and understand the power of this humbling
service.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Each Wednesday throughout
Lent we will offer Lenten Lunches at noon at church. We will have be having a time of fellowship sharing
in soup and bread and then we will worship together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The First Sunday of
Lent is February 14 and we will begin our Lenten Series “A New Normal.” We begin our “New Normal” series recommitting
ourselves and renewing our covenant in line with the New Covenant Jesus
offers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">February 14 is also
Valentine’s Day! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Could your relationship use a new normal-- a
revival of the heart- a </span>re- commitment<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> and renewal?
Following the 11:00am worship service we will offer an opportunity for
couples to Renew the Covenant of their Marriage. We will have extended
childcare on this day and we invite all couples, whether you have been marred
40 years or 4 years to not only recommit your lives to Christ in this worship
service, but also recommit to the covenant of your marriage. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Christ
has come with a New Covenant, New Wineskins, New Birth, New Commandment, a New
Understanding, a New Kingdom, and New Life! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
pray that throughout this Lent we will all take the opportunity to develop a
New Normal in Christ Jesus our Savior! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In
God’s Love, Grace, and Peace<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "script mt bold"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Pastor Beth </span><span style="font-family: "script mt bold";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Pastor%20Beth/Dropbox/BHUMC%20Documents/Communication/Newsletter/2016/February%202016/Pastor%20Beth.docx#_ednref1" name="_edn1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[i]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">The new Gregorian calendar had an extra day in those years that
were divisible by 4 (just like the old Julian calendar), but unlike the Julian
calendar, it did not add an additional day in years that were divisible by 100,
unless the year was also divisible by 400. Thus, under the Gregorian calendar,
the years 1700, 1800 and 1900 were not leap years, but the years 1600 and 2000
were leap years.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">• To make up for the
errors in the old Julian calendar, ten days were omitted from the new Gregorian
calendar. Thus, Thursday, 4 October 1582 in the old Julian calendar was
immediately followed by Friday, 15 October 1582 in the new Gregorian calendar.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Pastor%20Beth/Dropbox/BHUMC%20Documents/Communication/Newsletter/2016/February%202016/Pastor%20Beth.docx#_ednref2" name="_edn2" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">[ii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;"> http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/world/the-times/churches-unite-to-seek-a-fixed-date-for-easter/news-story/504f1ebef5b5678cd6302fd637f61cd0</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-9822882621230804012015-12-22T23:46:00.000-05:002015-12-22T23:52:13.985-05:00Prayer for Preachers before Christmas Eve <div class="MsoNormal">
I am a perfectionist, I know that. But who do I think I am? </div>
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It's not up to me. It's not about me. </div>
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I found myself stressing and trying to write the perfect plays, perfect sermons, the perfect liturgy, the words and prayers that would change hearts and move people to know Christ. </div>
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Who Do I think I am??? </div>
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It's Christmas! Jesus is showing up! </div>
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It is not about me and it is not up to me. </div>
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SO - I wrote this so I would remember my place. </div>
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Humble me Lord Jesus, to do your will- nothing more, nothing less. </div>
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Lord Jesus, It is not up to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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On the biggest night of the year when the people come. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It is not up to me.</div>
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You will bring them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Your Spirit will pour out. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It is not up to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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You will work Lord Jesus. <o:p></o:p></div>
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You already have.</div>
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And you will. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It is not up to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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To change their hearts, to make them respond, <o:p></o:p></div>
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To bring light to their darkness or free them from burdens.<o:p></o:p></div>
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You have.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Come, Lord Jesus Come. <o:p></o:p></div>
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You already have. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And you will once again. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Come , Lord Jesus Come. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Melt me, mold me, use me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Ignite me to shine. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Ignite us all. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Come Lord Jesus Come. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Shine in us this Christmas Eve. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Once again, be born in us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Amen. <o:p></o:p></div>
Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-47263532151904501502015-09-24T11:48:00.001-04:002015-09-24T11:56:31.688-04:00Holy Ground <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today in Preschool Chapel I talked with the children about holy ground. They came in and were so quiet, shy, sweet, and curious. <br />
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After we learned each other's names we talked about the name of the room we were in "The Sanctuary" - a special place where we come to pray, to thank God to know God and then go to do what God wants us to do.<br />
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We learned about Moses today and how God called him<br />
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"God called Moses and Moses said 'Here I am'" We come to here to the sanctuary because God calls us and we say, "Here we are." <br />
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"God told Moses to take off his shoes (I slip off my shoes to show them) because he was standing on Holy Ground- <i> today we are all going to keep our shows on </i> "Can everyone say holy." <b><i>HOLY</i></b> "That means it is special and sacred. God told Moses- I want you to go help my people. Moses was scared but God said you can do it because I will be with you. We come here to be still and hear in this sacred special place of the sanctuary to know what God wants us to do. We can do what God wants because God will always be with us." <br />
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I taught them about acolytes and how we light the candles first thing to remember God is with us just like God was with Moses in the fire. How God is our light to guide the way. "The acolyte comes down the aisle and bows just like Moses did- can you bow- <i>(we all bow)</i> and we light the candles."<br />
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Standing up at the altar one boy said, "What is that X that's turned around up there?" <br />
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I pointed to the cross- "Does anyone know what this is called?" <br />
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No one knew.<br />
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I said, "This is a cross. When we look at it we remember that God loves us.<br />
Can everyone say that with me: "God loves me!" We all said it together.<br />
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"When we see this cross we remember all God has done for us and all God keeps doing for us. <br />
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Walking behind the altar to point at the stained glass window. <br />
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This is Jesus. Who is Jesus holding? All the kids say: "A Baby!" "Jesus loves all the children and Jesus loves you! Can you see that this is the biggest window in our church? It is important to know that Jesus loves you very much! The church is where you come and learn about Jesus and how He loves you!" <br />
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Sitting back down I look at the boy who asked me about the turned around X, "I am so glad you asked that question!" Looking at all of the children, "Asking questions is so important because that is how we learn! When you have a question, can you please raise your hand?" <br />
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My little questioner says, "Yes and you know if it's really important you can raise both hands!" <br />
Me: "That is a great idea!" <br />
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Now I want to sing a song with you called "Jesus Loves Me!" Has anyone hear this song before?<br />
1 child raises their hand.<br />
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Well, if you don't know it it's okay--we're also going to learn the sign language so that we can know it in our head and heart.<br />
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We sing-- There faces just lit up. One boy, in my second class <i>(I did one preschool class at a time) </i>who had stayed close to his teacher turned toward me while we sang. <br />
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Before we go, we're going to have a prayer together. Have you prayed before?<br />
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My sweet question boy, "Yep. ... I only pray on Sundays."<br />
"That is awesome!"<br />
"And, did you know you can pray every day too?"<br />
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Ms. Joan, "How about we sing a song about what days we can pray?"<br />
We sing together a song of all the days of the week!<br />
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We pray: Dear God, Thank you for this day. Thank you for my school. Thank you for my teacher. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for loving me. Help me to know you are always with me, Amen."<br />
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I say A <i>- long a-</i> Amen and a little girl says, "Should we say amen <i>(long a</i>) or amen <i>(short a)</i>?"<br />
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"You can say it both ways!" <br />
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But how about we learn one more song- and this one is clapping song-- we sing it at the end of church here and it goes like this, "Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen"<br />
The kids happily clap and sing! <br />
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We had a giant group hug and they said Thank you for Chapel and off they went.<br />
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It was a great morning! How awesome to welcome children into God's love!<br />
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This afternoon I get to go offer worship to some of God's children who are older at the Crossings at Ironbridge for the 4th Thursday Worship Service there.<br />
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God is good! <br />
<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-75409519883393788102015-07-17T01:19:00.001-04:002015-07-17T01:49:46.082-04:00Thoughts on Abortion, Humanity, and the Damage of DistanceAfter being submerged in sermon planning and then traveling back home for a Visitation and Funeral- I'm finally catching up on the news that broke earlier this week about Planned Parenthood.<br />
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People ask me all the time about controversial issues and what the church thinks about everything from Energy Policy, Israel and Palestine, Human Sexuality, Gambling, and Abortion-- you name a controversial topic- people want to talk about it.<br />
And we should.<br />
We should not be afraid to talk about hard things.<br />
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Karl Barth said we should preach with the bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other.<br />
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When I walked into the chapel at Birmingham- Southern College I read the United Methodist Social Principles and I thought, "WOW! Here's a church that is not afraid to talk and live and act in a way that says- we care what happens in the world." <br />
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You can read more about the <a href="http://www.umc.org/what-we-believe/the-nurturing-community#abortion" target="_blank">United Methodist Social Principles here.</a> We don't all agree on all of these principles-- what's important is that we allow our faith to respond and guide us to be in both conversation and action with the world. We also understand that many of these issues are not easy to talk about and they are not always black and white. <br />
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United Methodists have a history of speaking up and acting on issues of social justice. We don't only talk- we do. We care about the world and we refuse to idly sit by waiting to die. Our theology is grounded in an understanding that God's grace has poured love into our lives and so we respond to the love of God intentionally by living in loving relationship with Christ and others. What we do - works of piety, works of mercy, works of justice-- flow from our response to God's grace and the stirring of the Holy Spirit.<br />
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Well, I am stirred up tonight.<br />
I should be sleeping- I was exhausted when I began reading and watching videos of the news that broke this week. <br />
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We're meant to be engaged with the world- not hide from it.<br />
And when we get engaged with what's going on- we wake up.<br />
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So I'm awake right now... even though I should probably get some rest soon.<br />
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In 2001 I spent a month in Mozambique working on building the foundation of a school in Cambine with my college. As the Chronicler for our trip I was able to visit two hospitals- one was funded only by the government and the other received both government funding and funding from The United Methodist Church. The first hospital lacked separate wards for people with TB, HIV, for women and children. Some people did not have beds- many were on the floor- the pharmacy was mostly empty. There were many hard things to see. There were two women dying from infection after having back alley abortions. They had more children than they could count or even feed. They were not allowed access to birth control. Their husbands raped them repeatedly and thought of this as their right. I ached for them and the tragedy of their lives. Their children would soon be orphaned. <br />
The hospital funded by the <a href="http://www.umcor.org/Search-for-Projects/Projects/09734A">United Methodist Church in Chicuque </a> was drastically different with beautiful separate wards, a decorated children's section, equipment, and much more. I was and am so proud to be part of a connectional church that makes places like this possible through apportionments and our united work together. <br />
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If you've seen Dirty Dancing- you've seen the terrible scene where Penny has had an illegal abortion and barely survives. <br />
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For many reasons- there are women who feel they have no other option. I believe that we can do better. If we really care-- we need to help women early and help them know that there are more options. I believe in our country there are safe ways women can obtain the services of a safe abortion, but my hope is that we can do all we can to make this rare. <br />
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<a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2015/july/wherearethey.html">Ed Stetzer points out in his article from Christianity Today:</a><br />
"<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8000001907349px; line-height: 21px;">In 1992, President Clinton talked about making abortion "safe, legal, and rare."</span><br />
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I believe we need to work on truly making it rare. <br />
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What if the church loved so deeply-- more than words... kind of love-- love with actions and resources and hospitality? What if every woman had people around her to love her and let her know, "I'm with You" to such a degree that she knew she would not be judged for her pregnancy or her choices? That she would be loved no matter which option she chose concerning her pregnancy- and that she'd never be alone. <br />
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I believe proponents against abortion begin with good reasons, yet often speak too much about what not to do and lack follow-through and action on how to care for unwanted children. Yelling at women walking into a clinic does nothing to help this cause and lacks compassion for the woman (likely frightened and stressed) who likely does not want to be there.<br />
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I believe proponents who speak in favor of choice are not pro-abortion, but I believe the lack of action at working to make this choice be not just safe and legal- -but one that women choose<i> rarely </i>is a travesty. <br />
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Life is sacred. <a href="http://www.umc.org/what-we-believe/the-nurturing-community#abortion">The life and well being of a mother and the life and well being of an unborn child. </a><br />
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There is much that Planned Parenthood does that has nothing to do with abortion. They help many families have access to family planning, they provide cancer screenings, they provide a great deal of education.<br />
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I am completely disgusted at the video of Deborah Nucatola which you can see in numerous places, but I believe first released via <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/undercover-video-shows-planned-parenthood-exec-discussing-organ-harvesting/2015/07/14/ae330e34-2a4d-11e5-bd33-395c05608059_story.html">The Washington Post. </a> <br />
<br />
I am sure she does not represent all of Planned Parenthood and I appreciate the shared disgust of her lack of compassion and economical way she spoke about real people and real lives given shared by <a href="http://www.plannedparenthood.org/about-us/newsroom/press-releases/statement-from-planned-parenthood-on-new-undercover-video">Cecile Richard's official video response from Planned Parenthood.</a><br />
<br />
I'm not only disgusted. I'm outraged that someone whose sole purpose in that moment should be the care and well being of a troubled woman- would be focused not on her well being- but on how to best harvest the organs of her fetus. I'm enraged that it appears her day was focused on how many of what specimens she needed rather than the women she was there to care and serve<br />
<br />
Her use of technical language has clearly distanced her and she has forgotten her own humanity. She's made things so clinical, that she has forgotten compassion.<br />
<br />
I am angry. <br />
<br />
In the midst of this I seek grace to know where God can lead us now.<br />
In the midst of this I confess my own distancing of the world so I don't have to feel all the feelings you feel when you love authentically.<br />
<br />
I think we do this with our language all the time - it may not be clinical language- but it comes in all different ways and it makes us forget who we are and how we are meant to live all the while distancing and masking our true selves. <br />
<br />
We call people who are a stranger in a foreign land- "illegals" and we forget their humanity.<br />
We divide people into camps of GLBTQ Allies or homophobes and we forget their humanity.<br />
We slap labels - progressive, liberal, conservative, tradistionalist.... and we forget our humanity.<br />
We call Black Men -thugs-- and forget their humanity.<br />
<br />
Rather than deal with language, vulnerability, privilege, and power-- we simply allow ourselves to separate out until we forget that we are meant to love one another. We get farther and farther away. Distance does damage. <br />
<br />
Early church Father- Dorotheus said, "The closer we are to God, the closer we are to one another. And the closer we are to one another, the Closer we are to God." We're losing a lot when we forget to see one another as sisters and brothers made in the image of a loving God who wants us to love-- to love at all times, but especially in our brokenness.<br />
<br />
I'm angry Deborah Nucatola became so very distanced from the reality of humanity and became so immersed into a black and white reality of clinical cruelty. I pray that she may recover her humanity to speak to and about others as real people. <br />
<br />
I'm also angry that I'm part of a culture that contributed to her distancing herself. She slipped away. No one starts off this way-- but they can fall--- further and further into compassionate oblivion. No one noticed her lack of compassion-- no one held her accountable to caring. We have to do better.<br />
<br />
So what do we do?<br />
<br />
I believe we need to wake up.<br />
<br />
I believe accountability and justice must occur.<br />
<br />
We need to pay more attention, care deeper, come closer. <br />
<br />
We've got to do better at keeping our connection to God and one another not only in tact but strong and growing so we don't forget our humanity or that of others. That starts in community with the vulnerable hard work of asking, "How is it with your soul?" <br />
<br />
Those in the medical field should have check-in's with counselors and therapist to make sure that they are still seeing patients as people and not consumers. <br />
Police are already required to undergo psychological testing and compassion/empathy training.<br />
There are checks and balances developed so that soldiers aren't put back in the field when they aren't ready.<br />
Clergy in the UMC undergo a thorough ordination process so that toxic people aren't ordained and do damage. <br />
<br />
Even with these kind of checks balances in these professions and others- people still act out, do wrong, and lack compassion.<br />
<br />
But we're failing when we're not working hard as a community of faith- to care for one another in ways that counteract desires to draw away and become distant.<br />
<br />
We need to deal with each other- not grow distant.<br />
<br />
We need to love enough that everyone remembers how to love. <br />
<br />
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<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-28982913330820142002015-07-16T00:10:00.000-04:002015-07-16T00:10:18.797-04:00Prayer for a Mammogram <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3NcftxcQGlGMqRVWSwfMnAxUUAZD39xg2H2y09yx0kGOjnCwoc30zBT7K7O4f12WrRbkAQ7Bxz1RqNv8PZOz_IjXK2bOd36ubB3iLGVuNlYopQUIEY6gHpKWA4h3wO6QqI7i9w9414wA/s1600/breast-cancer-tumblr+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3NcftxcQGlGMqRVWSwfMnAxUUAZD39xg2H2y09yx0kGOjnCwoc30zBT7K7O4f12WrRbkAQ7Bxz1RqNv8PZOz_IjXK2bOd36ubB3iLGVuNlYopQUIEY6gHpKWA4h3wO6QqI7i9w9414wA/s320/breast-cancer-tumblr+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Lord, be with me as I walk into the room. Clothe me in your comfort as I take off my clothes and put on the dinky hospital gown with the snaps that confuse me. Put your words in the mouths of the nurses, technicians, and doctors who see me. When I walk in the room with the giant machine let me lift my eyes up to you and not this machine of torture used for good. As parts of me that you created are smooshed into ways you did not create them to be, release the anxiety from me and vanquish the fear. I’m not so worried, Lord about the pain of being smooshed… I fear all that comes later. Breathe this fear out of me. When it’s all over and the dinky robe goes in the laundry bin, continue to clothe me in courage, grace, and the undeniable truth that you are with me. Amen.Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-1557201347947312852014-12-13T22:08:00.000-05:002014-12-13T22:20:46.032-05:00Prayer of a Pastor in Advent <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGVJFkVhAZp9o1FM7T5ohWBUdSF4WqjO8KwPQZgvhYLIOJqYzzW8S04ar1erdYQ40SpaIXLKKE7ov-5k_ZbgDbchMBOk4bFPAzdGQNVnusuhm9z2EXpo1hZsHa5adOvFfQG5MOPr8GW3M/s1600/advent2012-invite-headerB-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGVJFkVhAZp9o1FM7T5ohWBUdSF4WqjO8KwPQZgvhYLIOJqYzzW8S04ar1erdYQ40SpaIXLKKE7ov-5k_ZbgDbchMBOk4bFPAzdGQNVnusuhm9z2EXpo1hZsHa5adOvFfQG5MOPr8GW3M/s1600/advent2012-invite-headerB-2.jpg" height="76" width="320" /></a></div>
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O Lord my God<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am so very tired. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Everywhere I look there is work for me to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When I rest I wake refreshed for a moment and then feel
guilt. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There is so much to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I want time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And I know you have given it to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Forgive me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I cannot do all the things. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And even worse I cannot do the things I know I should do. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There seems to be no energy in me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I long for you and the sustenance I know you give. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I pour myself out with hope to serve you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I wait longingly for rest. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I know hope and I know joy are coming. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Forgive me and help me forgive me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I pray others will forgive me when I cannot live up to all I
should be. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I pray you will wipe away the<i> shoulds</i> from my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Forgive my failures. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Free me to serve without fear. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Release me from the bondage of all I do not know, my fear
of unknown, my worry, my desire to fix all I cannot fix. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Let me rest in you. <o:p></o:p><br />
Come, Lord Jesus, Come.<br />
I am waiting for you to come and </div>
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shine in me with radiant energy so that I may serve you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Use me and let my life be, my call be, let me be, used according to your will. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Amen. <o:p></o:p></div>
Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-77119996096649435902014-07-17T12:54:00.000-04:002014-07-17T12:54:00.173-04:00Thoughts on Hospitality <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1zAuy0S7UuT65Vs9LfxArzxrl26DGRKKo9OJVzzm1w-4d-ZeDTdtqXSqITcXsttqfv-r0YSZTbamryGGBIUMET3we-alU3X84sU1WKb206k9lhh37_pfBAyE4qWgVN8iv07-iL-9varM/s1600/value-title-hospitality.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1zAuy0S7UuT65Vs9LfxArzxrl26DGRKKo9OJVzzm1w-4d-ZeDTdtqXSqITcXsttqfv-r0YSZTbamryGGBIUMET3we-alU3X84sU1WKb206k9lhh37_pfBAyE4qWgVN8iv07-iL-9varM/s1600/value-title-hospitality.png" height="65" width="320" /></a></div>
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I’ve learned that hospitality is risky.</div>
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I have to risk vulnerability, rejection,
judgment, dismissal. </div>
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Hospitality means that
I desire connection with another. I
desire that we will connect, that we will love one another as sisters and
brothers in Christ. </div>
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Hospitality is full
of hope and anticipation for what God may do in our relationships. </div>
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The hope that I may open myself willingly to
others and that they would receive me and reciprocate. The hope that in reaching out my heart will
grow in connecting with others. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Anticipation is not the same as expectation. Anticipate does not know what will happen but
welcomes the newness and unknowing with joy.
Expectation defines what I want to happen. Expectation is not necessarily bad, in fact I
think it’s really good to have clear expectations for many things. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Yet, I’m not sure expectation has any role in
hospitality. </div>
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I’ve been thinking that expectations
in hospitality and in offering myself to others, in offering space to others,
in opening myself to the world—just seem to be unhelpful. Either I limit what God will do or become
disappointed and hurt by others. If I am
truly offering hospitality—wouldn’t it mean that I do not have an expectation
of them? Wouldn’t it mean that I put it
out there and let it go? I can still
hold to anticipation, but perhaps I should stop expecting others to react,
respond, reciprocate in various ways. It
seems like true hospitality must be without expectation because it has to allow
space for the Spirit to bring comfort, change, peace,… whatever is needed. How can someone feel truly welcomed if they
feel they are expected to be a certain way?</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Perhaps the only expectation for hospitality is the expectation
of authenticity. Yet even that can be
hard for people. </div>
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Do expectations force
people to be certain ways? As in, “I
have to be authentic<i> because she wants me to be?” </i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I always go back to the tattered notebook paper which had
Nouwen’s definition of hospitality written in black marker that hung in my
office as a missionary: “Hospitality is
not to change people, but to offer space where change can take place.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Even this expects something—a change. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Reminds me of chemistry- which I was horrible at but had a
teacher who tireless worked with me and
worked so hard but just struggled so…. But chemistry always has a
reaction. Things come together and you
expect a reaction to occur. <o:p></o:p></div>
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If the hospitality I offer—is open, selfless, just an
offering of myself and what I have-- can I <i>want </i>a reaction? </div>
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Sometimes we want healing, we want reconciliation,
we want a growing deeper, we want a movement forward...</div>
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<i>Most always wanting
connection</i> – certainly grounded in my extroversion.<i> (yes there are times I want to just sit in bed and do nothing and be with no one, or walk in the woods with just me and my dogs... but I feel as though I have a yearning, an urgency to be connected -- not for the sake of being connected but connected with the purpose of sharing Christ.) </i></div>
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I value connection with others. I value connecting with them as people, as children
of God—we may have nothing in common—but somewhere, somehow we are connected… and that must mean something. </div>
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Perhaps that is the one thing we have in
common and from there—couldn't something grow deeper? <o:p></o:p></div>
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Certainly we will not be connected to everyone in the same
way – the same depth—but something of hospitality and connecting with others
must be this purpose, this power- in seeing and saying, “I see you. And in
seeing you I acknowledge that you and I have been created and we have the
possibility of unity."</div>
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<i>(wasn't there something like this in that movie where people were blue?)</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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The possibility of unity is not something for us to work
at or make happen- but for us to listen deeply enough to hear God speak, to be
still enough to feel the Spirit move, to in some way realize that we have both
been redeemed and made new by the same Christ who lived for me and you and died for me and for you and
rose for me and for you.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Hospitality opens the door to connection and yet connection does
not mean “I like you” or “I agree with you.” </div>
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But somewhere it must mean I value you.
I value who you are, I value that you were made for a purpose. I value that you have gifts. Inherently, hospitality must honor another
person. </div>
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Honor who they are as different
from me and honor who we are together as connected with me. </div>
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Honor seems to be a way of loving the child
of God that is in you—The Christ in me sees the Christ in you—and as children
of the kingdom/kin-dom connected through the blood of Christ – we are family
and we love one another. <o:p></o:p></div>
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How do we live this hospitality? Seeking connection, forsaking expectation,
hoping with anticipation, open for God’s presence to dwell with us so that we
are freed from fear, so that we can truly be our authentic self, with the hope
that connection will be birthed? <o:p></o:p></div>
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For so much of who I am, I believe this to be my deepest longing. Not to run and retreat from others even when
the world has been hurtful… but to experience the truth of what I know must be
possible because of Christ. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Christ came for all the world and died for all the world. </div>
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The World is my Parish. <o:p></o:p></div>
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At Pentecost the reality of unity was experienced— All
Speaking different languages, and yet the Spirit made them One. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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Hospitality- Connection—Honor- - Unity <o:p></o:p></div>
Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-39547794937647136142014-06-03T01:44:00.002-04:002014-06-03T01:51:34.638-04:00A Call, A Confession, and A Covenant seeking Unity <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnNMjiLplTyW2NMtCHPGTe-Ca75rOlfzAitDJdmW89-7roQifgr1AuATYaOUUARf7U0T-c02Hu8B6dtBTIEwHKQyeMCt5IHOqWhmS2w6eHLLjhOmPzHA4UlGsFiFIkbin8NJpBFNGk3-Y/s1600/leaving-arriving.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnNMjiLplTyW2NMtCHPGTe-Ca75rOlfzAitDJdmW89-7roQifgr1AuATYaOUUARf7U0T-c02Hu8B6dtBTIEwHKQyeMCt5IHOqWhmS2w6eHLLjhOmPzHA4UlGsFiFIkbin8NJpBFNGk3-Y/s1600/leaving-arriving.gif" height="263" width="320" /></a></div>
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These are my thoughts and hopes for the church--<br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In a world where divisiveness
is rampant, there is little to model unity and we believe the church is being
called to reveal to the world a way to move forward in the midst of difference.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While resolutions are being
put forward to change the wording in the Book of Discipline, and statements are
being made suggesting schism, we desire
to create plans and possibilities for moving forward even without complete
resolution and agreement. Yet still moving forward in the messiness of
theology- in the messiness of what it means to be church. And are we yet alive? We believe we are and can continue to
be. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How can we inspire and
share with others that even in all of this, it is still worth it to be this
messy, imperfect, Body of Christ, that may muddle through and loving one
another especially when it is hard to do so?
How can we reveal that we do not give up- that church is not just an
idea, but a reality of people who come together to love <i>not because it is easy</i>, but because the Holy Spirit makes it
possible and our lives are richer for it. How can we reveal the kingdom of God
when we are so focused on our own animosity and disagreements? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We do not argue over
how we understand the trinity, the divinity of Jesus, the mystery of the
sacraments, the truth of the resurrection- why should we debate this? These
were Wesley's essentials, if we cannot think alike we can love alike and
"if your heart is with my heart, take my hand." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We confess that we
have failed to listen to one another and we have allowed our egos to rule,
rather than our hearts. Too often, we
seek to be right, rather than to learn.
We seek to claim who is on God’s side rather than to love. We repent of our earthly desire to win debates,
and ask God to help us love one another even when we do not agree. We commit to pray for God to work through us
to create a third way where we may be one in unity in the midst of our
differences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">We covenant together to Love the Lord our God with all our heart, with
all our soul and with all our strength and with all our mind and to love our neighbor as we love our selves, not because we agree with our neighbor, but because we were Created by love to love, Jesus calls us to love, and the Holy Spirit empowers and equips us to love. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We covenant to focus our time and energy on the mission Jesus Christ has given us to make disciples and to transform the world. </span></div>
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Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-36976968031728141622013-10-11T11:46:00.002-04:002013-10-11T12:04:48.768-04:00Stop Complaining Start Engaging <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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It's my day off and I should be paying bills and cleaning my house, but as I was wasting time on Facebook I got myself a little worked up. </div>
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One of my greatest pet peeves -- is the complaining I hear so very often in the church. I get it. Seriously- I do. And I know I'm Pollyanna and all that, but I understand the need to let off steam. Yet what really bothers me is that we-- mainly clergy- complain about the same things -- all the time. Have we prayed about it as much as we've complained? Have we offered to productively and effectively engage in helpful ways as much as we have complained? Have we considered the hard work and intentionality of those who are working behind the scenes who we are often taking for granted? </div>
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I guess this is striking a chord for me today- because of the shutdown and I have heard so many people say things like "The shut down really isn't affecting anyone" or "those folks in Washington don't really do anything." For me- - those folk aren't bureaucrats who do nothing-- they are my friends and former parishioners who serve, protect, and care deeply about their country and her citizenry. Its easy to complain when you don' t know the people personally. But they are people who work hard and care passionately. </div>
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So-- perhaps my ability to let one more clergy ranting on FB go is kind of soaked up by the last 10 days of the shutdown.</div>
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When clergy get together -we have to let out stem-- that is good and important- our time together should be renewing, life giving, and give us energy for the call we share. I especially feel this way when I gather with clergy women friends, covenant and prayer groups- there is laughter and joy and it is spiritually uplifting. </div>
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Yet there are several times when I gather with clergy and I hear complaining- lots of complaining- that leads no where usually about -- the ordination process or boards, agencies, and apportionments.... </div>
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And this where I am am just done. </div>
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Stop complaining and get engaged. </div>
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We are Methodist- like it or not- and well-- I pretty much love it <i>most of the time.</i></div>
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<i> </i>I love our ecclesiology and our connection and I love that there is an ordination process that cares deeply about the clergy person and the churches where they get sent. I love that we are not alone. There is no parachute. You are not left alone unless you choose to be. Your church cannot fire you. The Church invests in you deeply. If things aren't going well there are resources to help. The ordination process reveals this care and concern and commitment. Residency Events and workshops, and papers, and process are not hoops to jump through they are opportunities to grow as a clergyperson so you can do all that God has called you to do. The Church- the Conference- the Connection does not have to care this much-- but they do. They are paying for you to do all of this. <i>(yeah you pay for a lot too-- but that reveals your commitment.... trust me I've paid for a good bit of psychological tests... yes I'm still paying student loans... yes we've got to work on that part)..... </i></div>
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<i> </i>Yet in the midst of it all-- this is a vocation where God chooses and calls you and choose back.... enjoy and get all you can out of these opportunities. When we're wounded- <i>(too often by our churches) </i>we need each other and we have a Church Connection that is here to love us and help us through it. </div>
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Do we lose good people because of our system and polity- Yes. Is it perfect? No. </div>
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Does the "system" wound people-- yes it can be wounding... it can be hard. Is that the intention? No. </div>
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Is healing and moving through to a stronger place possible? Always. </div>
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Does our system and polity and ordination process need valued, caring, theologically astute, passionate people to engage and be part of making this better? Absolutely. </div>
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Is it moving and changing fast enough? Not always. Because trying to work together with this many people is really really hard work. But I think it's worth it. </div>
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Today I was on FB and saw discussions and complaints about how "boards and agencies are irrelevant" and they "just suck up apportionment dollars." </div>
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Instead of thinking about how boards and agencies suck away
apportionments- how about utilizing them more fully in our contexts? </div>
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As a
former GBGM missionary and as someone who has traveled to Mozambique, stayed at
Cambine to help build the school there <i>(through a service-learning trip with the Methodist college I attended)</i> visited the Methodist Hospital in
Chicuque and experienced seeing the comparison of the other hospital (government hospital
had nothing--no separate quarters for HIV/ or TB no separate wards for women and
children- no beds, no meds-- compared to UMC hospital where they had supplies,
beds, separate wards and even lovely kid- friendly decorations).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we are not seeing the relevance of these
boards and agencies - if people don't see the value of apportionments and
connectionalism -- perhaps its because our leadership isn't helping make that connection
for them-- and we are missing a vital part of our ecclesiology </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take a group to NY, DC and do a
seminar--educate our congregations about the missions that are possible- the lives that are changed-- the difference we make - all because of
apportionments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was able to serve as a
US-2 Missionary because of apportionments - where 500 homeless folks were served
meals, connected with resources, and empowered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Churches throughout the area were engaged and brought into mission
through this work as they were empowered and equipped to bring lunches, and
come into relationship with those who are homeless to know more than a face- a
name- a person- a sister/brother in Christ. Because of apportionments we come together as the Body of Christ to do awesome work of the kingdom. </div>
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<br /></div>
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There are US-2's, Mission Interns, Mission trips, seminars, agencies who serve the poor, colleges and universities, all in your own area - who exist and do the work of the kingdom all because your own church exists-- that you likely don't know about and aren't teaching your churches about. The local church is the most significant place where disciple making occurs-- and these board of agencies are the most significant ways we are sending disciples into the world in engaging, powerful, ways that change lives. </div>
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<br /></div>
Is your church not engaging the community to become more diverse-- perhaps the Commission on Race and Religion has resources for you?<br />
<br />
Seeking to empower women- to educate and connect women in your community with women in the world-- perhaps work through UMW and COSROW<br />
<br />
Wonder why our faith calls us to engage in the world around us? Wondering what our faith says about ---- anything? Read and learn the Social Principles- Do a bible study on them- take a group to GBCS-- learn and grow. Do you have people in your church criticizing the "liberal" GBCS-- listen thoughtfully and and engage them compassionately. Find where they are passionate and help them live into that passion to serve Christ. <br />
<br />
Equip your Worship Team with GBOD resources, attend the School for Congregational Development, engage your Evangelism/ Welcome team with resources. <br />
<br />
Visit New York and take a a tour of the UN and <a href="http://new.gbgm-umc.org/umw/learn/seminars/">attend a semina</a>r, visit the chapel there that is across from the UN building. Read and prayer the UMW Prayer Calendar and send notes and prayer for missionaries. Invite a missionary to speak at your church-- local, national, international. Take your Youth Group to visit and help a mission. Teach your youth about the US-2 and Mission Intern program.<br />
<br />
Hit by a natural disaster- or helping people who are/ were-- connect and engage and participate through UMCOR. <br />
<br />
Name anything that is happening of any significance in the world and the Methodist church is there.<br />
The World is our parish. <br />
<br />
Do we have a perfect system? No-- but it is not irrelevant- and it is powerful. As United Methodist we have a particular way of understanding grace, doing church, and living mission in the world. It doesn't mean that its the best way-- or the only way- but for many of us it is where we have been called and where we feel led to passionately serve Christ and His Kingdom.<br />
<br />
I am certainly not advocating some "if you don't like it - leave" way of thinking. I'm just tired of complaining that goes no where productive. We all need to vent- and we all need to share our ideas to make things better. But rather than constantly criticizing and complaining, perhaps we should try engaging, asking questions, learning about what we do and why and we can be part of it and part of making it better.<br />
<br />
Yeah- I'm Pollyanna-- and I still think there's a lot to be glad about - and if not-- we should try to find a way to help- work together- and get glad. Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-71176497594869530312013-09-14T21:51:00.002-04:002013-09-14T21:51:46.562-04:00Saturday Night PK <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Around 8 Tonight my daughter Gracie broke down crying because, “Mommy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just
want to serve and I’m too little to do anything! Everyone at church says, “No
you’re too young.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to be a
kid anymore- you don’t get to do anything!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We began talking about how tomorrow we start planning our revamp of
Children’s Church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will have a
rotation of volunteers and a rotation of children taking turns leading
different things (just like at school- line leader, etc.)-- she excitedly began
planning-- "Yes Mommy- one week someone can read scripture, another person
can give a short sermon, someone can be an usher,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>another person be the musician….AND <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we’ll have our own bulletins!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We already have the coloring children’s
bulletins in service- but we’re going to be making a basic bulletin with
pictures to go with each section (Prayer, offering, Song, etc.) and laminate
them for weekly use.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She went on, “And
we’ll have our own computer with a screen….. but Mommy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t have candles!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me- “We’ll make a little chapel area with an
altar and candles and everything.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Awesome!!!”
she said. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was then so excited she
decided she would “prepare” by practicing in her room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She turned her dresser into her own “altar”
and put a picture of Jesus (the laughing Jesus picture) and sat her “Jesus
books” all up around the dresser.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Watching her was overwhelming and powerful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I could see myself—overcome with passion
and frustrated that I can’t always do all my heart yearns to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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9- She’s been restless…unable to go to sleep because she wants
to play music – (she got a recorder at the church yard sale) and wanted to play
it in church tomorrow – “Mommy, I just want to play it to praise God.” </div>
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No I told her—you can play something in church when you’ve
practiced. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
9:30 She walked into my room- picked up the hymnal and
said—“I’ll just read these hymns then! And it will be like a lullaby to go to
bed.” </div>
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<br /></div>
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That didn't work--She started reading the Psalter and shouted! "Mommy - I know this! We read this in church! We could use this when we plan our Children's Worship!" </div>
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I'm sitting here- desperately needing to finish my sermon. </div>
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Begging her- "Please Gracie- you really need to go to bed now. Your eyes are getting purple underneath. I know you want to be at your best tomorrow and you can only do that if you are well rested. (I'm talking to myself there too!)</div>
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(Her Daddy is with the other daughter getting her down.) </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord, Thank you for my beautiful, wise, grace-filled, deep daughters. Thank you for their passion, joy, and precocious sense of wonder. Give me energy and strength and motivation to bring the word you've placed on my heart and head and which I am seeking to still get down on paper this evening. May you be glorified in all I do, Amen. </div>
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Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-38187556486525821032013-09-12T00:09:00.002-04:002013-09-12T00:09:53.402-04:00Holy Moments Holy moments- tonight Gracie handed me her bible and asked for a story.<br />
We recently got her the "Jesus Calling Bible Storybook" <br />
<br />
As I was searching through to pick one she said, "Can you tell a bible story that is like a lesson you taught us today?" It took me awhile to figure out what she was asking and she was getting frustrated but we stayed with it.<br />
<br />
And I finally got it and said, "YES! We talked about patience earlier-- and not rushing through your work, but taking your time.<br />
<br />
<br />
She said, "Yes MOM! So is there a bible story about that?"<br />
<br />
This children's bible included the story of "Patient Job"<br />
<br />
So I read this story to the girls. (This is my version) Much of this is paraphrased in my Mommy Storytelling. <br />
<br />
Job loved God. <br />
Job had lots of awesome stuff.<br />
He had a big family.<br />
Land, animals, and everything he wanted.<br />
He praised God.<br />
<br />
The Bad stuff in the world said to God, "Job only loves you because he has lots of stuff."<br />
<br />
Gracie shouted-- "That's not true! He does love God!"<br />
<br />
Job lost all his fancy stuff.<br />
His land, big house, all the cool things he had.<br />
He even lost his family.<br />
Things weren't so good.<br />
But Job still loved God and he praised God.<br />
<br />
Job's friends were not helpful.<br />
They said- "You must have done something bad to lose everything."<br />
<br />
Gracie shouted-- "No! He didn't!"<br />
Me-- "That's right. He didn't do anything. Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes life is hard. And its not because God doesn't love us or because we did anything. Sometimes bad things just happen."<br />
<br />
Well. Things didn't get better for Job.<br />
He even got sick. He felt really bad. <br />
He did not like being sick. He was sad.<br />
He prayed to God.<br />
-------------------At this point Sophia says, "Mommy, hold on - I want to pray to God now."<br />
We stop and she prays, "Thank you God for this day. Thank you God for our food. Thank you God for Mommy letting us sleep on the floor tonight. Help us to sleep great and have a good day tomorrow and sleep good tomorrow too." Then she just looks at me and I whisper "Amen" and she said, "Yes! Amen!" <br />
<br />
<br />
And Back to story----(my poor husband- how hard it is to be a parent and be ADD!) <br />
His wife said, "Why do you even still believe in God? Believing in God isn't doing anything for you? Just give up!" <br />
<br />
Gracie sat up-- "That's not a good thing to say!" God still loves him!"<br />
<br />
Me-- "You're right Gracie- she wasn't being encouraging there, was she?"<br />
<br />
Gracie- shaking her head no. (finally getting a little tired-- Sophia is listening and looking at other books in the corner).<br />
<br />
Finally God spoke and reminded Job of all God had created.<br />
God scolded Job's friends for their bad advice. (stopped to discuss what "scolded means")<br />
God reminded Job of how God always loves and his always with us even when times are hard.<br />
Because of Job's faithfulness God gave Job all that he had lost and more<br />
Job lived a very long life and praised God every day!<br />
<br />
We all have problems and there is lots of stuff in this life that will make us turn away from God- especially when we're hurting. The best praise you can give God is to trust in Jesus when you're having a hard time. God is always here for you to talk to about your problems and God will help you with them always. Jesus always wants to give you peace.<br />
<br />
Then we talked about examples of being patient.<br />
How could we be patient with things-- like school work, toys, etc.? <br />
How could we be patient at school?<br />
How could we be patient with our family?<br />
-----------this was the best part-- talking about ways we could all work on being more patient with each other. Waiting to brush teeth -- (i.e. not pushing your sister off the stool). Sharing toys. Patiently listening for folks to share their story at the dinner table.<br />
When I ask Daddy to to something - like take out the trash- I have to wait until he has time. (that was my example- that sometimes he's in the middle of something else and I need to wait.)<br />
Kevin was so sweet and said, "Mommy does a lot of things for us that we don't ever notice. So we can show patience by thanking her and waiting for what we want, speaking kindly rather than whining." <br />
<br />
They kept raising their hands and thinking of ways they can work on patience.<br />
<br />
We had such great discussion.<br />
<br />
I am so thankful for these moments. For holy conversations that will lead to more conversations.<br />
For moments that build foundations of faith.<br />
<br />
Here they are- asleep on the floor-- (how is that supposed to be fun? If I were 5 or 6 I would remember)<br />
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<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-89274021301459079812013-06-15T21:09:00.001-04:002013-06-15T21:17:19.374-04:00A Psalm for Ministry <br />
Almighty God,<br />
You gave me this call and you filled me with passion and you set me on fire.<br />
Make me strong Lord, that I can withstand whatever comes.<br />
<br />
Guard my heart and hold me.<br />
May I be courageous like the prophets and strong like the apostles.<br />
<br />
Let me not waver in the path you have set me.<br />
<br />
Give me openness to hear and strength to love.<br />
<br />
I yearn too much for the love of your people. <br />
I pour out my heart.<br />
I want so much for them.<br />
<br />
Burn pride away from me.<br />
Let me be content.<br />
Even within the urgency, the passion, the purpose, the joy, the excitement I feel in ministry--<br />
Let me be patient and content. <br />
<br />
I see so much.<br />
The urgency of mission drives me.<br />
Let your love continue to burn with passion<br />
And let your patience soothe me <br />
<br />
Wash away the pain of ministry.<br />
I am broken for you and I feel the brokenness of your world.<br />
I seek to build up the kingdom so all may know your love, your grace, your unending joy....<br />
<br />
There are days when ministry hurts.<br />
And all I can do is cry out for you.<br />
Heal me Lord Jesus.<br />
I am not whole without you.<br />
I will lean on you. <br />
<br />
My strength is in you Lord.<br />
My hope is in you Lord.<br />
My joy is in you Lord.<br />
<br />
I am who I am. <br />
And I am yours.<br />
<br />
Its seems like everyone thinks being an extrovert is easy<br />
- bubbly, joyful, friendly, outgoing---<br />
<br />
The hard part about being an extrovert is so much of your energy comes from those around you-<br />
it doesn't mean that you don't have confidence on your own, it doesn't mean that you're needy, it does mean that you put your heart out there- it does mean that you are vulnerable and exposed.<br />
<br />
I suck at being guarded.<br />
And it hurts.<br />
But this is who I am.<br />
<br />
Lord, I have always been intense.<br />
<a href="http://revmomma.blogspot.com/2010/04/downside-of-passion.html">I've always been passionate.</a><br />
And It's always been "too much" for some folks.<br />
Or not enough for others. <br />
Let me be okay with that.<br />
<br />
Because no matter what-- I'm just right for you.<br />
<br />
Lord, You called me and chose me and you set me on fire.<br />
Nothing will quench your fire within me.<br />
<br />
Let me burn brighter for you.<br />
You are the reason I am here.<br />
You are the reason I serve.<br />
You are the One I adore.<br />
<br />
Nothing stops your love for me or for anyone else.<br />
<br />
Pour your love down on me.<br />
Let a mighty epeklesis fall.<br />
Your Spirit guides, protects, forms, and fans the flame.<br />
<br />
I will not burn, I will shine. <br />
I will not perish, I will live in the resurrection.<br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-8" id="en-NIV-28868">I am hard pressed, but I will never be crushed,</span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-8" id="en-NIV-28868">I am confused and perplexed,</span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-8" id="en-NIV-28868"> I do not always understand your people </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-8" id="en-NIV-28868">and I allow too much of it to hurt... </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-8" id="en-NIV-28868">free me despair and defeat;</span> <span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869"> </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">I am not abandoned by God and I will not abandon my call. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869"> When I am struck down, I will get back up. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">I am not destroyed.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">Christ has Died. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">Christ has Risen. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">Christ will come Again. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">These words of mystery are my hope. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">Because Christ lives I will live. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">I can live out this call. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">Because You go before and behind me. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">Equip me, Lord. </span><br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">So that I may equip your people for this powerful and passionate life of ministry!</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="text 2Cor-4-9" id="en-NIV-28869">Amen. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-6702936732272142262013-04-26T22:28:00.000-04:002013-04-26T23:03:52.630-04:00Inch by Inch <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This week I have been surrounded by inch worms and I think God is telling me something.<br />
The weather has been nice and I have catapulted myself outside Tuesday and Thursday afternoon of this week and today.<br />
<br />
Tuesday night after we had a family hike, Kevin was pulling inch worms off of me.<br />
<br />
Today- I sat with my sweet Sophia in the "castle" of our playset. She played with an inchworm and I sat and read for sermon prep, but mostly watched her marvel at the inch worm and then saw several around me. I became drawn in by the inchworms, spiders, and ants that surrounded on the rickety and loved playset.<br />
<br />
They just hung around me by threads.<br />
<br />
There is so much that is unknown.<br />
<br />
In two months our lives are changing. My amazing husband is taking a leave of absence from ministry. He is not giving up on ministry, but stepping back to answer another call or perhaps it is the same call with another branch... He feels called to teach and is pursuing this call. He'll need to go back to school, he's taking tests, filling out applications, submitting resumes and trying to secure a job all while still caring for his congregation.<br />
I am in awe of him.<br />
<br />
I am in awe of God who I know has gone ahead of us in this. I know we are not going haphazardly into the unknown, its charted by my Maker-- I just don't know the way yet.<br />
<br />
Most days I'm good. I don't really ever feel confidant--- but I feel assurance.<br />
Today I felt super overwhelmed.<br />
And I think that is why God made me be still and see all the inch worms.<br />
Sophia picked them up and they went way off track by this crazy giant girl. And then she sets them down and they keep on plugging away, inching away. They hang there by this thread seemingly hanging in space and they just inch on.<br />
<br />
I realized today that I hadn't made a few calls or done a visit I had hoped to do.<br />
Every day-- there is more and more and more I could do and should have done and didn't get to.<br />
<br />
I have always struggled with <i>enough ness</i>--- but talking with a clergywoman friend this week I wonder if its even more as a pastor. I feel such a compulsion to do so much.... Its as if I see need everywhere and I cannot relieve it fast enough.<br />
<br />
I have much to learn from inch worms.<br />
<br />
I walk past the bulletin board in the church and see that I haven't gotten around to changing nor have I developed a team to do so yet... I remember that I haven't yet organized this meeting, or built up this leadership here or there, or remembered to call and check on this family, or followed up with that family, I haven't sent the thank you notes that I want to do, I can go on and on and on... and sometimes I will write "what I did" list.. and that's all well and good.....<br />
<br />
The laundry had piled, and yet I'm thankful that I spent some time to just play with my girls, that I fell asleep reading to Gracie the other night, that I've had time to make my family dinner every night... <br />
<br />
I have a lot to learn from inch worms.... and I need to read some Annie Dillard again.<br />
<br />
I have no idea what is coming. I have no idea how we will make it on just my salary. I have no idea what life will look like. Kevin is applying for various teaching positions and hoping to have something and be going to school too.... we hang by this thread inching along. The thread is strong. God holds us. <br />
<br />
On our trip home recently from visiting family in Florida-- we got off the interstate and took a more enjoyable route. We knew it added a bit more time-- but it was so lovely. We needed some enjoyable quality time just us.<br />
I said something to Kevin about how I didn't worry about the destination or getting home "on time"<br />
we had everything we needed. How lovely just to drive, share conversation, see beauty and enjoy the ride.<br />
<br />
So much of my personality and call is about being on fire. I often feel just sparked alive with passion and propelled forward. I feel as though I am being led and pulled, I too often feel as though heaping coals of vision are dumped on my heart and I have thousands of flames ignited and I am not yet sure of what they will catch on to. Too many visions... so many dreams... ideas after idea....<br />
<br />
And while that is so true... this week I have just felt set down.<br />
I've felt humbled and observant.<br />
somewhat paralyzed.<br />
<br />
<br />
And perhaps I've just needed to watch inchworms.<br />
<br />Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1288926998013686102.post-7963605096233621892013-04-22T15:31:00.002-04:002013-04-22T17:17:47.733-04:00Praying with the News You've heard that Karl Barth said to<span style="color: blue;"> "<span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://ptsem.edu/Library/index.aspx?menu1_id=6907&menu2_id=6904&id=8450">read the Bible in one hand, and the newspaper in the other</a>."</span></span><br />
<br />
That has been so very true.<br />
And never more true than today.<br />
I feel like every day I am pelted with bad news.<br />
A young life born able to breathe a day, Stabbings, killings, bombings, blow ups...<br />
<br />
And today I learned that a woman I went to college with was murdered yesterday by her husband. I didn't know her well- but I remember her. She has a two year old daughter. My heart breaks.<br />
<br />
Every since I saw this my heart and my mind cannot move forward - so I stop and I pray.<br />
<br />
I open by bible and flip straight to Psalms. And I read until God speaks to my pain.<br />
<br />
Psalm 4<br />
<h3>
<span class="text Ps-4-1" id="en-NIV-13967"></span></h3>
<div class="poetry">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-4-1"><sup class="versenum">1 </sup>Answer me when I call to you,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-1">my righteous God.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-4-1">Give me relief from my distress;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-1">have mercy on me and hear my prayer.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="poetry top-05">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-4-2" id="en-NIV-13968"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>How long will you people turn my glory into shame?</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-2">How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-4-3" id="en-NIV-13969"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>Know that the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has set apart his faithful servant for himself;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-3">the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> hears when I call to him.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="poetry top-05">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-4-4" id="en-NIV-13970"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>Tremble and do not sin;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-4">when you are on your beds,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-4">search your hearts and be silent.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-4-5" id="en-NIV-13971"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>Offer the sacrifices of the righteous</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-5">and trust in the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="poetry top-05">
<div class="line">
<span class="text Ps-4-6" id="en-NIV-13972"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>Many, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?”</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-6">Let the light of your face shine on us.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-4-7" id="en-NIV-13973"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>Fill my heart with joy</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-7">when their grain and new wine abound.</span></span></div>
</div>
<span class="text Ps-4-8" id="en-NIV-13974"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>In peace I will lie down and sleep,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-8">for you alone, <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-4-8">make me dwell in safety.</span></span><br />
As I read I start crying. Images of happy families who are now broken, images of smoke and destruction, pain and sadness just flood my heart.<br />
<br />
I call my husband. And we pray together.<br />
<i>I love that on Mondays we have chosen to work from home. (It is nice to slow down on Monday after Sunday and focus on scripture, prayer, study, and the next Sunday's bulletin and message).</i><br />
<br />
His strong arm wraps around me warm, comforting, secure and he prays.<br />
<br />
We rise. <br />
<br />
<br />
There are things to get done and we can go on with God.<br />
<br />
The world holds so much destruction. God Creates.<br />
God is our Creator still creating.<br />
And today is Earth Day.<br />
<br />
<br />
This morning I met with a man who lost his wife yesterday.<br />
He has over 100 varieties of azalea's. His home is a museum of Native American art and artifacts. I gathered with the family this morning to plan the Celebration of his wife's life. I loved being them. He showed me his treasures. We walked in the beauty of his garden.<br />
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After preschool, I pushed my daughter on the swing. The wind blew, birds sang, everything was alive around me. <br />
My heart rejoiced at the beauty of God's presence and my heart ached thinking of a young woman my age who has been robbed of the joy of being with her daughter.<br />
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There is so much bad news. It comes and goes and there is a 24hr news cycle that will tell you every detail. There are smart phone updates that ding and give me bullet points of the brokenness.<br />
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I cling to the Gospel. It is Good News. <br />
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I pray and I pray. I read this Good News. I hug my children closer.<br />
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The other night I read to the girls about <span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Value-Understanding-Margaret-ValueTales/dp/0916392376">Margaret Mead</a>.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: blue;"> </span> </span>It was from my favorite series of
books when I was growing up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said to
Kevin something about how it would be cool to live in intentional community, to
constantly teach our children about love and truth and peace and justice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I made Kevin watch a documentary about
Intentional Communities when we were in seminary. My wonderful
introverted husband was not up for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think I daydream sometimes in a grass greener way that if we did life that way we'd have more time, we'd be more intentionally focused on peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There would be less destruction… I admire the
work of intentional communities…yet I think living in the regular <span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>(for lack of a better word)</i></span> world takes a lot of courage.</div>
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I love how <span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/episodes/january-25-2013/rev-lillian-daniel-on-spiritual-but-not-religious/14570/">Rev. Lillian Daniel</a></span> says, “These people are always informing you
that they find God in the sunsets. Well, excuse me, as if people who go to
church didn’t see God in a sunset. You know, my take is that any idiot can find
God in the sunset. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What is remarkable is finding God in the context of flawed human community, and a tradition bigger than you, and with people who may not reflect God back to you in your own image.</i>”</div>
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I know that in the midst of
destruction, we have a Creator God. </div>
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In the midst of sadness, death, and heartbreak- I have a
Savior whose heart longs for me and who died for us all and who is the architect
of hope. </div>
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In the midst of all this pain for God’s people, the Spirit
pours over a comfort over the earth. </div>
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<br />
Almighty God,<br />
Thank you for hope.<br />
Thank you Lord for your love.<br />
As the news rolls in, as we scroll the updates and laugh at cat pictures, we see happy families, and mouth water at recipes gaurd our hearts when we hit the bad news.<br />
We know the reality. <br />
We are not dreamers. <br />
We are believers.<br />
We do know reality.<br />
We know a reality which proclaims<br />
that love wins, peace pours, and justice rolls down like waters.<br />
We know a reality of Hope.<br />
We pray we will live in and into your kingdom.<br />
May we usher in this hope in every moment.<br />
May your light crack open our dark pain.<br />
We pray in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. <br />
Amen.<br />
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Rev Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01513010429463883537noreply@blogger.com1