I am so tired and so thankful. Every day is amazing and full. Every day I encounter people who show me the joy and light of God--folks who fill me with inspiration and encourage me and everyday there are people who say belittling things because of my age, gender, my mommyness... Through it all God has really enveloped me, held me, guided me. Sometimes you're so tired - even when it is a good tired-- that you just fall down, you just need a good cry, you just need to be held to remember that you're doing okay.
What is it about sitting in a bathroom that is so comforting? I mean something about sitting on and among the cool tile is comforting. Maybe I'm just odd-- but I loved being able to sit in the bathroom, have a good cry, and vent to my husband tonight. Nothing bad happened today- in fact it was awesome- amazing God moments-- but one person said some things that chinked my armor...Why do I let that one thing get me down? Ugh! And you know, that person probably had no idea and no intention...I know that. Its silly.
Maybe the cool tile, the hard and soft of the smooth service-- the quiet of the bathroom- it forces me to be be still. The bathroom is like the Mom's haven.
I just laid on the floor for a while and cried for joy, ,for thankfulness, for tiredness, for frustration and reminded my husband how very much I need him...and he listened...and it was wonderful.
I was thankful today as Kevin and I sat in our church's sanctuary working together on the dialogue sermon we will preach on Sunday.
I was frustrated with him and feeling pressed for time. He was having a rough day and couldn't focus b/c he'd forgotten to take his ADD meds-- and I was frustrated b/c he wasn't focused-- (vicious cycle). But we got it all out- we felt God working- and we got some good work done. It brought back so many good memories of sitting in the chapel at Birmingham-Southern all night discussing everything life: God, family, literature, politics during our early days. We were engaged and married in that chapel. And now here we are again in another round sanctuary sitting on the floor under the cross discussing, debating, interrupting, challenging and getting to the root of what our life means.
Back in the day we made mix tapes. Remember those? There was something so great a/b a mix tape! Even better than a mix CD- you can't skip ahead there is a reason everything is flowing together in a right and somehow perfectly ordained order. I made a mix tape for Kevin with the Sheryl Crow song, "Are you Strong Enough to be My Man" I had had many tell me how passionate, strong, and opinionated I was and that I was "too much" for them. I knew I would never sacrifice my passion and strength.
I am thankful because Kevin is strong enough for me. I get frustrated and impatient, every day I learn what it means to be a clergy couple, parents to two very young children, and the wife of an amazing man who happens to have ADD, but he is strong enough to be my man and God is stronger than the both of us.
We sit in the strength of the cool tile, he listens and hears, we pray, we laugh, we hold one another knowing that we are strong because Christ strengthens us through all things.