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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Life in a Fishbowl

It has been a very crazy summer! I have enjoyed the learning experience and the journey God has given me as Acting Senior Pastor- I'm learning a lot- I'm growing a lot- and I'm praying a lot. I have long days. Self care has always been a "growing edge" for me... but it is much harder these days. I've had about 3 funerals, hospital visitations, a lay person need to let go of committee chair responsibilities, and a staff persosn resign (for a great opportunity) but nevertheless... a lot... My dinner time with my family has become sacred - it has always been important- but these days- it is sacred. It is often the one hour break I get from 8am to 10pm (Yes I'm aware that that is bad and I need to get better)....

Anyway- today is the first time since I was appointed here in 2006 that living in a parsonage next door to the church has felt like a fish bowl-- or worse.
Someone came by at 6:30pm without calling, I opened the door, said hello and they came in. I didn' t invite them in- they just came in and started talking. I called my husband down to talk because he knew what this guest was talking about and I didn't. I wish now that I had just said, "This isn't a good time- this is dinner." Kevin is too nice sometimes. But I don't know-- I just didn't think... I took the kids and started bath. I had to be at a committee meeting at 7:30. I soon called Kevin from upstairs and he didn't come up to the third time! ugh! I shared my frustration. I don't think I've been so mad in awhile. I felt so violated by this intrusion and mad at myself that I said nothing and mad that Kevin said nothing. I think we were just caught off guard. This was my time to recharge. This was sacred!

In no uncertain terms I will discuss tomorrow with calmness, but sternness that this is not acceptable. There should be some part of my day that I can have just for me- just for my family. There should be some part of my life that the church cannot have. I offer a lot, I give a lot-- and I am happy to do so. It frustrates me that i have to advocate for everything- you have to ask for everything- lay out everything. Maybe that is not fully true and it just feels that way. Sometimes it just feels like there isn't anything that is basic--that is understood--that you don't have to fight for...

I'm learning a lot, I'm praying a lot, I'm learning to value my sabbath time and now I will guard it more closely. Good things to learn...it just sucks when you learn them...

1 comment:

Ben and Ang said...

I really like this post! It points out that it is important to make sure that the outside world does not come between your family time. Those are the times you can grow together with out the external influences. There is nothing like some good QT with the fam. You and Kevin have an especially hard balance to handle between your family and your larger church family. You guys do a great job. I think about you and your family often. Unfortunately, I'm not at church often enough. Anyway, this is a good post, that I try to live by. It is much easier to request a person return or to talk later, then to have to apologize for being upset. -B