Pray for our Pilgrim Journey

Almighty and sovereign God of the guiding star and of the bush that blazes, You call us to follow, you ignite us with relentless grace and yet, too often we resist. You calm us over turbulent seas, and you nourish us with bread for the journey. You guide us through deep valleys and mountaintops. We confess that too often we see only what we want and we chase after fleeting happiness. Give us eyes to see, ears to listen, feet to move, arms to embrace your call, hands to reach out, and lives that flourish. Make us pilgrims Lord, who find our home in you. In the name of our Savior, Amen.

Justice and Identities: Thoughts after a Great Disciple Bible Study

What does it mean to be a good Christian?

What does it mean to be a good American?

Can you be both?

Are they the same?

Are they different?


These are wonderful and hard questions.

They came up in a great discussion in my Disciple class last night.

We talked about the book of Daniel. We talked about justice.

What makes us work for justice? How do we know something is just? When something hits us hard and we say, “That’s not right?” Why do we say that? How do we know that?

Where in us do we make that call?

A very wonderful and wise man in class was bold enough to ask hard questions last night. One question he said was, “But when we stand up for justice – is it always because Jesus has called us to?”

I said- and way too quickly reacting. Usually I’m better at waiting, leading, asking questions. Last night in bed I couldn’t stop thinking about how I wished I had silenced myself more in class…. (I had a long and hard day and I was tired, hungry—but I wished I had done a better job.)

I quickly said, “I am. When I work for justice it comes out of my faith and out of my belief that Jesus is leading me.” Yes that is true for me—but I worried that it sounded like I have it all together- which I don’t. I worried it sounded as if I always do what Jesus call me to do – which I don’t.


I spent some time dissecting a recent issue that I felt was a justice issue—I felt angry about it and felt it was wrong. But why? Where in me said “This is wrong!” Where did I get that? Who put it there?

And to be completely honest with you—I can’t put my finger on it exactly. There were a number of reasons I thought it was wrong—but none were stand out search light shining—this is it. But they did all hit me from a faith place. As I went deeper and deeper- I’m angry because of this—why? – Well – because I believe…. That’s how it went. Why do I believe this? Ultimately came from my faith in Jesus Christ.

I am also sure that others who also have a faith in Jesus Christ may come to a different conclusion on justice issues than I do – also guided by their faith—so where does this leave us?

How do we go forward?

Where do we gain traction in decisions? How do we have unity? Where can we agree?

But there are also other justice issues- that I’m realizing probably do not come out of my rootedness in Christ. I am realizing this as I write and process. I may not always know what is just strictly from my faith… For instance- I believe that democracy is a good thing, that freedom of religion is a good thing. Why do I believe that? Does that come out of my faith? I think it comes out of my being raised as an American.


I believe that respect and tolerance are important. I do not think everyone must think and believe like me. Where does that come from? Is it because I am an American? Is it because I follow the Golden Rule to “do unto others as I would have them do unto me”? Is it both?

And yet I do also believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light and that he is the way to the Father. I preach good news because I am called to make disciples. I have a hope that people will come to believe in Jesus Christ and that I can be part of leading them to know Him and accept salvation. And yet- if someone does not believe I do not attempt to force them to agree with me. I am respectful. I am tolerant that we are different and yet, I do not accept that they are right.


Does it even matter where my reason for thinking about justice comes from?
I think it does. I think that that awareness is very important.

I think that when people stand up and say they are doing something because God has called them to—it carries a different weight.

Sometimes I wonder if they truly are being called by God or if they are manipulating a “God-Message” for their own self-interest. Sometimes I question their theological and exegetical integrity for the way some may “proof-text” their way to proving God is calling them.


Who am I and what is my identity?

I am a Christian.

I am an American.

What do they mean together and separately?

What responsibility do I have in these identities?

I am so thankful to my class for teaching me. For forcing me to evaluate my own motives, my own reasons for justice, belief, faith... I am thankful for the ability God has given me to be with others who challenge me to grow. Thank you God for my Disciple Bible Study!


Also-- I am definitely taking up the suggestion to read "American Grace: How Religion Divides and Unites Us" now! If you have suggestions and/or discussion- I welcome it!

Redeeming My Time

I preached this last week-- Our Sr. Pastor became ill with the stomach flu, so I was able to step in and preach in this sermon series. Thankfully he is much better now!



Sermon Series “The Me I Want to Be”
Week 3 “Redeeming My Time”
January 23, 2010
Rev. Elizabeth S. Anderson

Ephesians 5: 15-20

NKJV
“See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

I love Ephesians- because it is filled with practicality. Paul is not just sharing some nice, pat answers, this is not just a good idea—this how you should live—this is about a practical divinity in your life—this isn’t theology for the sake of heady theology- this is about right living- allowing God’s word and God’s presence to make a difference in your life—its about living into the me God wants you to be—the very best me you can be….

The Greek word used here for redeem is “ex-a-gor-ATZ-o" (I wrote it this way to help me say it better!)
Ex-a-gor- ATZ- o is a marketplace term. When you redeem someone from slavery, as Christ redeemed us, you are purchasing them – purchasing them out of their slavery. You are paying the price to take them out of a bad situation.

We are to take back- time—take it-- out of the hands of the evil days.

The word for time being used here is karios, which means time- but not just any time kind of
time. Karios isn’t about minutes and seconds and wristwatches and sundials (that would be
chronos.) It’s not about the flow of time or a specific measurement of time—rather kairos is about being in the flow of the Spirit --- a right time- an opportune time- pre-determined time.

It’s about being in- aware, open, intentional, to God’s presence in time.

Karios is a time prepared for, directed by, and appointed for you by God.

Redeeming the time, you are purchasing out of slavery the fleeting opportunities that you are
presented with. In other words, you “make the most of every opportunity” or “make the most of
your time”

But as I read through this text, I couldn’t help but wonder—why didn’t Paul say, utilize your time, or seize the day!—why was it this imagery of purchasing from slavery?

The why is found in the because – “the days are evil.” Paul looked around and saw evil times—Impurity, covetousness, idolatry—we look around and see this too- we see resentment, anxiety, greed, superiority - we see horror, we feel shame, we experience insatiable desires… The days, the time is not evil- rather it is all that seeks to steal time and turn it into anything other than God’s glory.

Picture a tug-of-war where opportunity (kairos) is in the middle, and we’re pulling one way while the evil of the days are pulling the other way.


US-------------------------------------------Karios------------------------- Evil


But you see—That’s not what’s happening here.

Opportunity to make the most of your time- Karios- is not in the middle. It is not the in neutral ground – it’s in hostile territory.


US-------------------------------------------------------------------Karios--Evil




Because of the evil in these days, the opportunities we have to do good and to bring glory to God are already on auto-pilot and on a course to be swallowed up by busyness and our worldly mindsets.


So pervasive is this evil that our opportunities to do good (our kairos) are slipping away—they will be consumed by darkness unless we act.

Can you sense the urgency here?

A rescue needs to take place—it’s us—our time—it needs to be rescued – to be redeemed.


We can “go with the flow” of busy culture and time- chronos- or we can “be in the flow of the Holy Spirit.”

What is the evil of your days?
Where and what does your time need to be redeemed from?

Maybe you heard the news this week that DC traffic has won the award as being the worst in the nation. Perhaps you have not attempted to total the number of hours wasted/ lost in traffic, but the Texas Transportation Institute has, and the number isn't pretty. According to a recent study, people in the Washington area spend 70 hours a year sitting in traffic -- that's nearly three days!



Perhaps you have purchased time saving devices- as an attempt to redeem your time. And yet,
our smart phones sometimes seem to chain us to more work and give us less time with the ones we love.

OUR TEXT “Be very careful then, how you live---See then that you walk circumspectly (exactly, with accuracy and awareness), not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time---making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

Walk intentionally—live in the flow of the Spirit—for “When the Spirit flows in you, you are giving power to become the you God designed.”

Paul says, “Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord
is.”(Ephesians5:17).

How do we do what Paul has exhorted us to do?

We understand the will of the Lord through prayer.

Prayer
1 Thessalonians 5:17 Paul tells us about time and prayer-- we are to, “Prayer without ceasing.”
Whenever most of us hear that- what do we think?
Impossible, how, etc…
—we always feel guilty…

When someone says, “How is your prayer life?” How do you know? How do you answer?
How to you measure the effectiveness Prayer?
Is it how long you pray- how often- how many hours- how many answered prayers?

You know, if you believe in God, you have already begun to pray—because believing in God means believing he is always present, always listening to what you say. If you even think that there is a God- if you even breathe a hope of “Help me” or “I’m scared” or “I need to know I’m not alone” you are praying—and you already know God is with you.

That’s faith. It is believing and knowing. It is assurance.

Prayer isn’t about measured time and statistics, rather “the goal of prayer is to live all of my life and speak all of my words in the joyful awareness and presence of God.”

In the flow of redeemed karios time – God opportune time-- we have a constant understanding of
the constancy of God’s presence.

This is what Paul means when he wants us to “to be filled with the Spirit speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs” (Ephesians 15: 18-19). That’s how we are to act—and speak- and live.

Temptation

So why aren’t we in this flow of prayer? Why are we not always aware of the presence of God?
If our time needs to be redeemed, it means that somehow we are pulled out of the flow of the Spirit…by something else.


Have you ever been fishing?
I used to sit on bridge down the hill from our farm and fish with my Dad.
If you want to fish= you have to think like a fish. To a fish- life is all about the maximum gratification of appetite at the minimum expenditure of energy—so, to a fish, life is “see a fly, want a fly, eat a fly.”

A fish only thinks about what he want wants in that moment. The fly… The fly—pulls the fish in that moment to focus on nothing else but the fly—who notices the hook? Nope- fish sees fly- fish goes after fly—oops- there was a hook…

What are we tempted to do- what are we tempted to go after in this moment are the next? We stray from a flow of listening in and being in the flow of the Spirit and we chose the flow we want- whatever will quench our current desire.

“Temptation seems to promise us that we can be free if we only give in to our appetites—“see a fly, want a fly, eat a fly” Temptation promises freedom, but it makes us a slave. There’s always a hook. Real freedom is not the external freedom to gratify every appetite, it is the internal freedom not to be enslaved by our appetite.”

Our soul seeks satisfaction—that is what we were made for “soul satisfaction.” If we do not find soul satisfaction in God, we will look for it somewhere else… because we will look for it…
And we’ll cling to it and let our lives get wrapped in it…. but it will not last and it will rob us and enslave us.

Augustine of Hippo wrote in the 4th century, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find rest in thee.”(UMH 423) This is what Paul is speaking about when he says in our text that we should be “singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.”




Later, a Christian Missionary in India by the name of Sundar Singh wrote, “In comparison with this big world, the human heart is only a small thing. Though the world is so large, it is utterly unable to satisfy this tiny heart.
The ever-growing soul and its capacity can be satisfied only in the infinite God. As water is restless until it reaches its level, so the soul has not peace until it rests in God.” (UMH 423)


There is a reason, the Devil is often called Tempter—tempting you, luring you to think you’vefound the cure, a false sense of peace, the end all and be all to what you want. But the devil isalso called the Accuser- because once you’ve given in—once you’ve swallowed that hook-- he’lltry to convince you that you’re too far gone—that you’re beyond redemption.

Yet this is never the case.

Recognize Your Primary Flow-Blocker
What is keeping you from knowing that?

What’s blocking us from experiencing life in the flow of the Spirit? Greek mythology….and of course comic books have taught us about the nemesis—that person who is your mortal enemy. Your nemesis is like you in almost every way, except that he is the ruined version of you. You are your own nemesis, your own biggest problem, because there is a relationship between the best version of you and the worst version of you.

What they have in common is that both of them are you.

For example- someone who is spontaneous is great at going with the flow and adapt—but they may also be prone to struggle with impulse control, gambling, addition, etc.


When we recognize what is blocking us from being in the flow of the Spirit, we can redeem our time and live in the karios time God has designed for us.

Jumping back in the flow

Psalm 90 says, Lord, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Teach us to number the days—teach us accountability, awareness, - teach us to
listen – and be wise—to hear and take action!

We are to examine our soul and examine our days.

How is it with your soul?


I want you to turn to your neighbor and ask them--
How is with your soul?

What do you feel like saying?
It’s really hard isn’t it..
You may think… “I’m good—let’s move on…”

But its worth doing- We cannot do it alone--- “Trying to tell the truth about myself- is like trying to see the inside of my own eyeballs.”

“Who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults,” the psalmists asks of God in Psalm 19. We cannot always see it for ourselves.

Late, in the middle of the night there was a loud beeping sound, John’s wife elbowed him in the ribs and said, “What’s that sound?” He played dumb at first and did not acknowledge it—“What sound?” But he had to say it so loudly to speak over the thundering beeping. So he gets up and checks it out and comes back to bed. She asks, “What was it?” “The smoke detector,” he says. “Why did it stop?” “I took out the battery,” he says. //They had a discussion about this and he said, “Look there’s no smoke, there’s no heat—it was just a battery malfunction….go back to bed.” The next day he left early to go to a breakfast meeting and about a half-hour into his meeting- the server asked if he was John Ortberg—yes he said== “Your wife called, she’s asked that you come home. She said the house is on fire.”

It turned out that a few delinquent birds had settled in and built a nest inside the chimney casing.

It eventually began smoldering and set off that strange loud beeping noise they had heard the night before.

Because nothing was done—a fire started behind the wall and did unbelievable damage.

You see, we need help to examine and determine the loud beeping in our lives.
We need detectors in and around us.
We need mutual accountability, we need to give ourselves permission to be honest with ourselves, and we need to allow the Spirit to examine us and listen to what we hear.

In the new movie “Tron”, Jeff Bridges character often says, “I’m going to go knock on the sky and listen to the sound.”

Sometimes we knock and then put in the ear plugs.
Or we’ll talk really loud and say, “What sound? What beeping?”

When you become convinced and convicted of the loud beeping sound –when you listen and are ready to do something about it- know that you can be redeemed!

Life can be different---things can change.

You’ve heard the beeping- you know where the sin is- you
know what is wrong—the way to experience the redemption comes through repentance.

Some people think repentance means beating themselves up—Repentance is not low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem causes me to believe that my response doesn’t even matter.

With repentance, though, I understand that being worth so much to God is why my response is so important.

You’re worth so much to God- God created you, made you, God has redeemed
you- purchased you at a great price- brought you and bought you from sin.

The evil in this world—the days that are evil as Paul has said--- the days seek tempt you, pull you, block you from experiencing time as God desires--- they tell you that you don’t matter, that you can’t change, that your time is wasted and gone—but Christ says otherwise.

Christ says that change is possible, that redemption is real- that all the
chains that bind us,
all the debts that frighten us,
all the shame that hides us
—can and will be wiped away.

There is a you, God is wanting to claim!

This is the time God has appointed for you—a time such as this—a kairos time-- a time of living, being, breathing in God space-God time- God created opportunities for you.


The time is here for you to claim, to redeem, to take back – out of enslavement –release yourself from all that tempts you and experience true freedom— buy back every possible moment out of the hands of sin, and cast out all that blocks you from God.

Christ says no longer will you be enslaved by the evil days—Redeem this time—- Rescue your time—Do not be hooked by temptation—and swallowed by sin-- stay awake, be aware, Redeem your days from evil and flourish in the flow of the Holy Spirit!

Thanks be to God! Amen.


For Some reason- footnotes didn't copy throughout sermon...but here they are for the sake transparency:
Greek and Translation Here: http://www.scripture4all.org/OnlineInterlinear/NTpdf/eph5.pdf


Loren Pinilis- Great article
Posted by Loren Pinilis on December 17, 2010 Posted in: Foundational
http://www.lifeofasteward.com/redeeming-the-time-a-closer-look/#comment-76

Orbert lists these as R.A.G.S. (resentment, anxiety, greet, superiority) on page 161 and gives a helpful checklist

Pinilis
http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local-beat/DCs-Time-Spent-in-Traffic-Worst-in-Nation-114278889.html

Ortberg – 40
In Ortberg’s “Part Four “Redeeming my Time” he lists four chapters, the first being Chapter 11 “Let your Talking Flow into Praying”

Ortberg- 132
Ortberg- 134

In Ortberg’s “Part Four “Redeeming my Time” he lists four chapters, the second being Chapter 12 “Temptation: How Not to Get Hooked”
Ortberg 137
Ibid.
Ortberg, 141

In Ortberg’s “Part Four “Redeeming my Time” he lists four chapters, the third being Chapter 13 “Recognize Your Primary Flow-Blocker”
In Ortberg’s “Part Four “Redeeming my Time” he lists four chapters, the fourth being Chapter 14 “When you Find Yourself Out of the Flow, Jump Back In”
Ortberg, 159
Psalm 19:12
Ortberg 165

Bringing our Best

A few have asked for this- this is my sermon from December 26, 2010
We had four baptisms on this day- and I chose not to preach on the Slaughter of the Innocents...


Bringing our Best
Jesus Presented in the Temple
Luke 2: 22- 40
22 When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord 23 (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”[a]), 24 and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”[b]
25 Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. 26 It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. 27 Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, 28 Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
29 “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you may now dismiss[c] your servant in peace.
30 For my eyes have seen your salvation,
31 which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
32 a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
and the glory of your people Israel.”
33 The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. 34 Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, 35 so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”
36 There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel (Fan-oo-el), of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37 and then had been a widow for eighty-four years.[d] She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. 38 Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.
39 When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. 40 And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.

Merry Christmas!
We have just celebrated the birth of our Savior!
For weeks we have anticipated Christmas morning!
We put up our lights, tree, prepared our hearts, and prepared presents for loved ones! We have sung carols, lit candles, raised them high, We have come to worship Christ the new born king!
Yesterday we woke up, we came and gathered around a tree, and opened gifts, we gathered around a table and stuffed ourselves on good food and fellowship, and today we come—still perhaps reverberating from the joy and festivities!
We haven’t even made it to boxing day, the thrill and excitement of Christmas morning may still be with us…but soon as the tree begins to dry, and pine needles fall, as the strewn pieces of wrapping paper are picked up and thrown out, and the newness our gifts wanes… as the decorations are put away, we’ll start to wonder…. Now what do we do?








Bringing Home Baby—Now What?
Mary and Joseph had some guidance as what to do with and for their newborn son Jesus.
They bring Jesus, to the temple following the Law laid out in Leviticus that on the eighth day sons will be circumcised. Circumcision is a sign of righteousness and a seal of the covenant Jews have with the Lord. Mary and Joseph are bringing the very best they have in this world- and placing him before God, before the temple, before the Law. Coming to the temple, Mary and Joseph have set Jesus on the journey of his faith. These are the ordinary milestones parents honor for their children—circumcision, naming, and presentation, but some extraordinary things happen too—there are prophetic responses from Simeon and Anna.
For those of you who are parents, there comes a moment when you are home from the hospital with your beautiful bundle of joy….
You have had weeks of preparation—busy nervous, joyful energy, you’ve nested and prepared-----You’ve had the baby showers, the nursery has been decorated, and now you’ve had the baby—
All those new clothes you had washed, dried, and folded neatly are now thrown in the laundry room—you go through four onesies a day, you are so tired you do not remember more than 20 minutes of consecutive sleep, if it wasn’t for good friends and church members bringing food you would forget to eat or be eating cereal or pizza all the time…. You have been going through the ordinary things parents go through each day with a newborn…

Eventually you’re in the middle of the night one night—you’re as tired as you have ever been- your baby is actually asleep and while your body may scream, “Sleep! —You do not even wonder, “Now What?” You know what to do—you just stare at this child in wonder.
How did this beautiful being come into this world? Wow! All you can think is wow! Of everything you have ever done… this is the very best!

You pray, you cry, you watch—its as if you can hear God whisper in that still small moment—you watch this little face, you listen at these breaths, until your eyes can no longer stay open…
A moment of extraordinary has happened in the midst of this new normal- ordinary life…
Names
In the moment that Mary and Joseph bring their child to the temple- a vast place, comprising of some thirty-five acres of buildings and open courts-the Law and the Holy Spirit work together to create an extraordinary moment. Luke tells us, “when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him what was customary under the law, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God.”
Simeon identified who Jesus was, “a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” Simeon grounds this identification in words from Isaiah’s vision of Israel’s restoration- a restoration that would include the Gentiles. The prophetess Anna has complete devotion to God—she comes and sees him and begins to praise God and speak about how he is the one who will provide the redemption they were seeking.
Before Christ was born an angel of the Lord told Mary to call him Jesus, an angel told Joseph they would name him Emmanuel, meaning God with us. Simeon and Anna also named Jesus that day—they identified who he was and what he would become. The prophets had names for the Messiah who was to come, “Wonderful, Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace” The scribes and Pharisees would call him a Blaphemer, a liar, and a heretic. The Lepers, blind, and demon possessed would call him healer, miracle worker. His disciples would call him Rabbi, Teacher, and Friend. Upon his death he would be mockingly called “The King of the Jews.” A Roman centurion who watched his crucifixion would come to believe and call him God’s Son! On a road to Emmaus his disciples would see him and call him a stranger until their eyes opened!


For many of us- he has whispered to us in and through the Holy Spirit, His light has shown on us, His mercy has been known to us, and His grace has washed us and made us clean and we fall on our knees and call him Savior!
And it all started on a Christmas day in a manger long ago.
The wrapping paper may be put away…the decorations will soon be boxed up, returns to the store may happen, Christmas Vacations will end—but the beginning of our life- of our eternal life and of our salvation began in a manger over 2000 years ago.
At some point in our life- we too were given a name. But even before that, God knew us. My favorite Psalm 139 praises God saying, “for it was you who formed by inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” We were named- my parents named me Elizabeth Ruth and brought me before Madisonville Presbyterian Church to be baptized. On that day I was initiated into Christ’s holy church, I was now part of God’s mighty acts of salvation, I was given new birth through water and the spirit, and I was recognized as part of the family of God. At baptism we celebrate God’s action- the Holy Spirit pours out the unmerited gift of amazing grace.
God knows us before our beginning and has known us throughout infancy, childhood, youth, and on into adulthood. Christ guides me now as an adult, as a parent, as a pastor, and will lead me through until I meet Him and feast at His heavenly banquet.
Mary and Joseph knew who their son was, but could they know all that he would be? All he would do? All he would accomplish for you and for me and for all the world? Could they grasp that for all people, for all time, Christ would be the One who lived, died and rose again for our sins?
When my mother gave birth and when my parents took me to church to be baptized- when my church made a covenant as the Body of Christ to nurture me in Christ’s holy church—they did not know who or what I would become- but they listened to God’s call to name me something even more than Elizabeth Ruth- they named me in through baptism in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

I may have just been an baby- but God worked that day!
God works no matter how old you are.
And God has continued to work—when I was aware and when I was not—
when I tried to hide from God and
when I -with tears streaming and cheeks grinning - praised God!
That was a beginning for me.
Mary and Joseph brought Jesus- acknowledging- knowing- that Christ, while Mary carried and birthed him, while together they would raise him, and Joseph would train him as a carpenter --Christ was not theirs
- he was more… He belonged to God- he came for the world.
They brought him to the temple acknowledging this- marking him with the sign of the covenant, naming him before the temple, presenting him for all to see.










The Maronite Christian, and poet Kahhil Gibron(Ka-Lil Gee-Bran) wrote “On Children”
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Whether we have children of our own or whether we share in the nurturing of children in our church and community- we see in them the future. We have hope- we see a beginning of newness, excitement, and opportunity.
Children have an awe that sometimes escapes the rest of us.
Some of us think when we look in a mirror- that we are no longer children- no longer able to have a new beginning—that we can no longer witness awe. Like the wrapping paper and the decorations that are being put away, placed on shelf, stored- we see our contribution…as somewhat limited.
And yet- we are still children, for we are always God’s children.
We heard Chum/Sara/Kevin tell us this good news from Paul that
“when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption as children. And because you are children, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.” (Galatians 4: 4-7 NRSV).
You see-- No matter what you have been named, no matter what names others have called you, you are first and foremost God’s child. Isaiah proclaimed to us, “Instead of your shame, you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace, you will rejoice in your inheritance.”
Your inheritance as God’s child is the gift of grace, salvation through faith, and life eternal.
Perhaps you have sat up late at night and stared at your own child and felt so full of love that your heart cried out, or perhaps you stood in a sanctuary holding a candle looking out at your newborn Savior who has been born for you and all the world- this is a sign to you.
You are God’s child.
God is constantly seeking as Our Father to bring us to the temple- God is full of hope about who we will become, what we will do, how we will act.

God names us and presents us to the world.

And we are still being knitted together.
God is the archer whose hand is always stable,
And God is the wind who guides,
And God is target who will catch us in His arms.
It is still Christmas!

We’ve been given the very best.
Christ has been born ---born in our hearts anew
so that we may cry out Abba Father!
God made you and you are His child.
As his children you are the very best God brings in this world—
God is filled with hope
knowing that His creation—His very best --is His Body now on earth.
Will you bring your very best for him?
God brought his very best to us and gave us a Savior,
Mary and Joseph came and brought their very best, gave Jesus all they could -to prepare him in his journey.



One year is ending, but life can be just beginning—now what?

Bring your very best-
Be God’s children in this world
Shine your light--- let your heart cry out!
For Christ has come!
Thanks be to God. Amen!


Footnotes:
Kahlil Gibran was born to a Maronite Christian family in Besharri, Lebanon (then part of Syria and the Ottoman Empire). Because of the family's poverty, Gibran did not receive a formal education as a young boy, but a local priest taught him Arabic and Syriac, as well as the stories of the Bible and infused in him an awareness of Maronite Christianity. The Maronite Church is an Eastern Catholic Church in full communion with the Holy See of Rome (in other words, Maronites are Catholics). It traces its heritage back to the community founded by Maron, an early 5th-century Syriac monk venerated as a saint. The first Maronite Patriarch, John Maron, was elected in the late 7th century. Although reduced in numbers today, Maronites remain one of the principal ethno-religious groups in Lebanon and they continue to represent the absolute majority of Lebanese people when the Lebanese diaspora is included. Unique amongst Eastern Christians, the Maronites are Catholics, who have remained in communion with the Bishop of Rome since the Great Schism.

Closing Questions

Back in November, I attended the New Church Leadership Institute offered by our Annual Conference. It was amazing, inspiring, reality filled, discernment pushing, powerful learning.... It was taught and led by Jim Griffith. He is amazing- and if you ever have the opportunity to attend anything he is doing--GO! Even if you are not interested in church planting- you'll learn a ton! Since 1996 he’s assessed over 1900 church planting candidates, trained over 9,000 planters, and coached over 1500 projects. He works with over thirty organizations.

I was supposed to attend this back in 2008-but I decided that it was more important for me to get away to write my ordination papers- and that worked out pretty well.

So I went this year- and I knew even a bit more about church development and planting because in 2010 I was asked to be on our Conference's Church Development Team. That's been a lot of fun and I've learned a lot.

So there are like 20 pages of exit interview response questions after attending the event. The questions are really good- and they truly help you reflect! The conference was held mid November- so we went into Thanksgiving, Advent, etc. and the exit interview questions were due last week-- I'm finally getting them in!Agh! (I did take a real- real vacation last week and pretty much did not work)But YAY! I have finally gotten it done. In some ways it felt like writing ordination papers again- but I was definitely more ...free flowing in this. No one is really grading me- this is for me... Yikes- won't it be horrible if it turns out differently? :)

No really- its a good thing- the whole thing was about discerning- are you a church planter are you called to do this... I found some answers that I was not sure I would have and some that were hard to accept. But isn't discernment like that-- when you really do it? You learn you can't agree with yourself like you wanted...sometimes the answer is a "yes, but".... (not like you thought it would be).

So the closing questions are:
1) Had I known you better, what question would I have asked that I didn't ask?
2) If money were no object, describe your dream job?

These are great questions! And so this is what I wrote:

If I am completely honest- I sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to be a stay at home mom… I know I would not last long- or I would just be taking on project after project in ministry anyway… sometimes it comes out of a mom-guilt thing- but mostly it just that I take so much delight in my children. I really love being with them! They are amazing people! They are kind and sweet and funny and smart and loving-- and they love learning and they remind me to be in awe of life and God and the world around me!

When I was a US-2 Missionary I loved everything about my work and was there 80-90 hours a week- I got married and pulled back to about 60-70 and my husband became essentially my biggest volunteer (as his youth director job only was 20 hours a week at the time). When I was a youth pastor I tried to convince my husband that we should move out closer to the church we served so that we could do more for the youth—but he reminded me that our reasons for coming to Atlanta were for school and that I would have plenty of time for full time ministry.

I love ministry still and I am still someone who works easily 60 hours a week. I struggle to not work on vacation! But these days- I have a much easier time saying no to work and yes to my girls—sometimes I wonder if that means I am not as passionate as I should be about ministry. But I have discerned that I am no less passionate for ministry, but my passion capacity is also filled by the greatest and most amazing part of my life—my children. My parents were busy a lot and not always available—I will not do that to my girls.

I want to be with them more than anything. I love and want to be doing ministry. It is never easy and I rarely – (read here) never achieve balance- and I do not believe an equilibrium would be a good thing anyway- that is what balance is - equilibrium taken literally-because that would mean that nothing is driving me.

The house is never clean, the office is never organized- there are papers and piles, and a million things that are never completely done. I am pulled in a million directions and every day is a decision of what matters most and how much can I handle and who and where can I get the help I need to make it happen- who can I delegate to- who can I empower- and how can we work together to make it all happen in the joy of Christ?

That is a very long answer. Essentially- I’m doing it. As long as I am delighting in my family, creating ministry, producing fruit-creating and transforming disciples who transform the world- what else is there?

Yes- there is money… and I need money- I would really like to not have student loan debt, a car loan, or any debt, I would love to someday be able to own my own home. I would like to do bills without feeling anxiety…but I feel confidant that step by step it all will work out and we will be provided for no matter what.

God is always providing for us. I like simplicity and most days- when it comes to finances- I miss the simplicity of our life in Detroit when I made $200/ a month and Kevin made just a bit more- our room and board were provided (although we paid half back to the church since we got married in my missionary term –but that is another story) but we had less stuff and less to worry about.

I do worry about my capacity to keep it up—I used to think I had never-ending energy—I’m beginning to learn I don’t. This time is about tough choices and how to find ways to live out all these calls God has given me and realize God will tell and lead me in it all.

I guess that is the question I would have asked—how do you keep it up? How do you not get burnt out from taking on too much? How do you say no when you love it all? I work on these things all the time—I’d like to see how others do it well. I learn from that.

So that's my answer to the Closing Questions.

I do not have if figured out- but I know that God is here, that God has called me, that every day God equips me, and that God is in control.

When there is chaos- God will create- when there is too much going on- God will take away- when I'm ready to listen and hand it over I will see that God will guide me and I need not worry. I am in the right place.
I can't not be who I am called to be- that means a wife and a mom and a pastor- even when it is messy and crazy- its beautiful and I delight in it. I delight in the joy of being married to my very best friend and the love of my life- I delight in my children, I delight in the joys and challenges of ministry!
And it is all from the Lord! I delight in the Lord!

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

God is Good, All the Time! All the Time, God is Good!

Recently, my children have been singing and teaching me about Santa, “You better watch out, You better not cry, You better not pout, I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town!” Accordingly, Santa is checking to see if we are naughty or nice and, “He knows when you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake!” Why are we good? God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good. Are we?

My children have also recently taught me something about God. My daughter Gracie did not listen to me about something I was asking her to do, so we sat down and had a conversation about it. I told her that I wanted her to listen to me and she said, “But Mommy, I’m listening to you right now!” I said, “Yes, and I am glad for that, but I want you to listen to me all the time.” And I found the Holy Spirit filling me and heard God say, “See…that is what I want from you too…all the time.”

We are called to be good and to listen and to follow Christ. Why? Is it because it’s just the right thing to do? Is it for goodness sake? Is it out fear of not going to heaven? Life is God’s gift to us, what we do with it is our gift to God. How we live, how we listen, and how we do good is not just because God says so and wants the best for us (which He does) but it is also more than that. It’s because we love Him. Listening and being good is how we praise God, how we respond, showing Christ and the world that we love our Savior! In this New Year, on the top of our resolutions, let us remember that God is good all the time, all the time God is good, and let us resolve to respond with loving God all the time!

Prayer

Lord Jesus, abide with us and in us.
Inspire all our thoughts, pervade our imaginations, suggest all our decisions and order all our doings.
Be with us in our silence, and in our speech.
Guide us in our haste and in our leisure, in company and in solitude.
Awaken and fill us with awareness in the freshness of the morning and in the weariness of the evening.
Give us grace at all times humbly to rejoice in your mysterious companionship. Give us courage and energy to cultivate relationships so that the isolated are invited, the wounded are welcomed, and your people made whole in your grace and salvation.
We pray in the name of Jesus our Savior who lives and reigns forever, Amen.

(Half taken from the 1945 Methodist Book of Worship)

Making Friends

Two Sundays ago I did go to worship at a church in the evening but before that I took Gracie to a party for her preschool class- not a birthday party- but a getting to know you party. I was glad I could go to that because I didn't feel I could afford the big splurge of socializing at the local Cox Farms at $9/ person (2 and up)--especially when there are free places. I don't hang around and socialize with the other parents as much as I should on school pick up days... I should. I really should. And sometimes I do - but somedays I have to get somewhere. And some days- I just don't enjoy standing around and chatting when they are in the super cute work out clothes, with what seems like all the time in the world (I acknowledge that is not true... I believe whole heartedly that stay at home moms are amazing- Amazing! And I have my moments of thinking "wouldn't it be great if I could afford that" but then I love love love ministry to- and I do believe comepletely that my call as a mom and as a wife does not conflict with my call as a pastor. I also hate watching and worrying about my kids sticking their heads between these metal bars outside, or falling over bricks that are in the landscaping, or being run over by a car.... I would prefer to chat and have them play in a fenced in area....

ANYWAY- I went to the parent socializing party- and it was fun. I really had a nice time. I didn't completely feel wierd as pastor and working mom. There was at least one other working mom there. And I felt a buddy. I'm always worried I'm going to sound preachy or too churchy.... that I won't be able to be "normal." People started to complain at one point about taxes and I shared about a funeral I did for a woman who worked for the Federal Gov't for 64 years (31 at FBI and 33 at IRS) and I shared how incredible that was and how the people who came I thanked them b/c I realized that folks from the IRS most likely rarely get thanked- Thanks for roads, and schools, and EMTS, and libraries, etc. (seriously- I was not being political- I just thought they work hard and we all work hard and we can enjoy these privileges in our society). The conversation left the negative and that was nice. Hopefuly they didn't think I was too goody goody-- I didn't feel like complaining about the government or taxes... In general I just don't like to be negative...
So maybe they thought I was too Polyanna (wouldn't be the first time I've heard that)

The folks who hosted had a parrot and his name was Wendell. I said, "Oh cool- is it Mr. Wendell?" Everyone had a very blank face- and the owners said, "No." I was like- you know, like the song "Mr. Wendell-- by Arrested Development?" Okay - totally blank faces.
So maybe I'm weird hipster Mom-- or perhaps this is just saying- Beth- you're not in Atlanta or Detroit anymore--- no one got it. Really? Didn't we all grow up hearing "Mr. We-en-dell"? Apparently not.

Its all good though- In the end- my confidance, my understanding of me is stronger than what the others and other parents think of me.

It is hard to make friends as an adult.
Add being a pastor, being a working Mom, and that gets more tricky.

I am friendly- I meet folks at Costco! I met this one Dad recently waiting for pizza and we shared poop and vomit stories! We had just met and we're rolling with laughter over the parent/bodily fluid experiences we endure. I didn't even invite him to church (through conversation I knew he attended another) but I often do invite others to church. Its like I can't turn part of me off- I don't turn off the mom or wife part of me and I can't really turn off the pastor part of me either.

In seminary they say not to be friends with your parishoners. That you can't be pastor and friend. This is somewhat true- but not all true. Yes, you don't want to call them to vent about church or your spouse, whatever. But you can talk about your life, your kids.
You can be real. You can be authentic.

My church is not just the place I serve---my church is also my family--its part of my home.
They have held me through pregnancies, and births, through kids getting sick, and running through church, through my child throwing an all out temper tantrum. I have never felt a sense from folks at my church that "Those are the pastor kids- they shouldn't act that way." I truly haven't. Its pretty amazing. Because I have heard horror stories from other PK's (Preacher Kid's). I am friends with people at my church and especially with the other parents here at my church- I feel a particular bond with them- they have particapted in my children's faith development and my own, all the church made promises at my children's baptisms.

If and when I invite folks to church it is only because I want them to also experience this kind of joy and wholeness of having a community that cares. Yes, sometimes the church fails- sometimes people fall through the cracks- sometimes it doesn't work out -- but sometimes and I venture to say most times- there is an opportunity for real authentic friendship with others in Christ.

Somtimes I feel that so much- that it is hard to make friends outside of church. Not impossible, but hard. I still think its important. And its something I need to be better at.

I have a real heart for the unchurched-- I miss being out in the community more. And I want to be better at doing that. This is what church planters must do each day- they don't have a building to insulate themselve in- they must be out there. And I love that- I can talk to anyone anywhere -- usually-- but why- why is it hard to make small talk at preschool pick up? Its not hard so much as I don't always feel I fit in maybe...

They know I'm the pastor.... but that shouldn't make it hard...
Sometimes I think people hear "pastor" and automatically put certain labels on those of us who are clergy.
If you are a pastor you must be___ you have to _____etc. I have suffered this before. And lost a friend.

Those friends you have before you became a pastor are awesome. They know you- accept you- and sometimes are surprised---sometimes they say, "This makes sense." But they love you.

Or there may be those folks who knew you (not friends/ acquatinces, or even family) and then you go through seminary, etc. and they're like "who do you think you are? I knew you when..." Great stories on this in Mitch Albom's book "Have a Little Faith."
This may be true for others in other vocations too.

Either way-- no matter what- making friends as an adult is harder than when we were kids. Remember conversations like, "Do you like Spider man/Barbie/ He-Man? Me too- cool- we're BFF!"

College was the same. I met friends my first day at college in the cafeteria b/c we all ended up sitting down and having a long conversation around "Saved by the Bell" We could all relate...then there was rush-- but before we were all the same- all new- and all understood certain sacred things- like a crush on Zack Morris.

Today- you meet a friend and it can be more complicated. But not impossible.

At the core people want to be loved, wanted, affirmed, known, seen, and appreciated. We may not come together around the toys, tv, or shows we like (although we may) but we can come together around the fact that we are each made in the Image of God to love and be loved. We all want that and need that- crave it! We put up good fronts- but deep down that is our basic need- as much as food and shelter.

When they meet me they may think I'm a Polyanna- that I'm too bubbly- or that I have strange music tastes(a white girl who loves old school rap?)... those are true statments most likely-- but I'm also more than that. One of my best friends first thought, "Whoa- she is way too southern bubbly bouncy! But she loves me-- she even loves the optimism in me."

It is scary to put yourself out there- but you're worth it. You're loved.

Barnes & Noble

Last night my husband and I went out for a date!! A date! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! (this may sound like an over-reaction...and probably normal for some folks...and some day I hope it is more normal for us....) But for now- it was just so so wonderful!!! We do fun things a lot as a family, but some times it is rare for us to get out. (lol I sound like I'm breaking out of jail!!!)

Anyway- I wanted a free- relatively free date for us. And great friends gave wonderful suggestions. We attempted to make the free concert at the Kennedy Center- (it would have been cool)but kids, traffic, parking [yes if we were smart we would have used metro] were difficult-(and the point wasn't the concert- but time together) if we were really smart we would have taken the metro.... but still we managed to find wonderful free parking by the basin across from the Jefferson Memorial. Other couples were also doing the same thing-- having picnics outside...We had bought pizza fixings so the kids and grandparents (Hallelujah for grandparents!!!) could have fun making pizza and I asked Kev to make one for us earlier and we could take it with us. (I planned this date- so he had no clue other than- make a pizza)

We had a very nice picnic-- there was one couple near us that was very passionate- and I had this moment (if you've not seen the movie "Date Night" do- it is very funny) where I thought---"hmm.... I hope they're not having an affair....or there's no way they're married..." they were like teenagers! In some ways I guess that's sad that this is what I assume (and of course we all know we shouldn't assume...) We did not display similar antics, but we did have a very very good time. In fact I laughed a lot and it felt like the longest time since we'd had a chance to just sit and share w/o being interrupted. Ahh Quality time!! It was so so renewing!

We finished up and walked hand in hand around the Washington Monument where other couples and families and runners were about. Some nice running guys stopped to take our picture for us and we had fun leaning against the monument and seeing our shadows cast by the lights.

We brought our chess board and thought it would be fun to play a game. I had placed a book on hold at Barnes & Noble and so off we ventured. (Seriously, How wild are we? :) Walking into Barnes & Noble without children is a whole different experience. You're not chasing and you don't have the words, "Put that back," "Stop pulling those books out," "No- we're not getting that" catapulting out of your lips. You actually peruse... and browse... and laugh at silly books like one we saw filled with Awkward Pictures (so hilarious- but not spending $12.50 on it!) It felt like an experiment in placing your finger on the pulse of culture.

We had a lot of fun reading and looking and then sat and each had a small (or I guess tall) cup of coffee (the one expense of our date). We came to the table with books we had found that looked interesting to us. I had ended in the Christianity section...
(hmmm Beth- maybe you should read something other than theology...)
And seriously- I do... really-- but I should do better- I am just drawn there.
But I also loved looking at the displays, etc. (that's the whole pulse of culture part)

What is on display? What are people reading? I think I can often and way too often become insulated in "church." I can even become insulated in my own denominational church - I went to a United Methodist college, was a United Methodist missionary, attended a United Methodist seminary and I am now a United Methodist pastor. I read a lot and I go to the LifeWay and Family Christian, and recently have been looking at some Lutheran resources for some family ministry stuff-- but still I am insulated in church.

I kind of have no hobbies (and I am working on this - picked up knitting again) outside of being mom, wife, pastor, cook, cleaner, etc... I do read and that is good- books, magazines, blogs, online newspapers... but I am rarely outside the scope of church stuff-- I seek to be out there more- to know and connect-not just to be a better pastor, but to be a better person- better Christian- who can connect with others and love them better...

I found several books some in Christianity and some just in the first displays you hit- that essentially are books that are propagating agnosticism or atheism.
I really don't get evangelical atheists or agnostics.
Its like spreading hopelessness. What is the point of your book? To make people not believe? To tear down their faith?
To build up humanity as the answer? (I seriously think of the Dr. Phil question- how's that working out for us?)

One of the books I looked at dealt with the problem of suffering-- and researched the issues of it and the biblical responses to it and breaks those responses down to show that they don't work and that God is not really involved (now this is what I can tell from reading the preface, skimming chapters, etc...)

This is that essential question of theodicy that we(all of us) are continually plagued with.
This author was and no longer is Christian, was a professor of theology and no longer is.
He, like me, found Kushner's book "Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People" not satisfying in answering the question.
For me, Kushner takes away a solid understanding of God's sovereignty and that just doesn't work. I'm not giving this authors' name or title of his book- because I haven't read it yet- I can't make assertions or judgments. I seriously skimmed and discussed part of it with Kevin.

Another book is from a fellow who shared how science and reason can offer us everything including morality- and how we only need ourselves and our minds and no God. UGH! (this is my first response--seriously utter disgust)--not for him, not for the author- and I mean that- but for this forsakeness of God. Who do you think gave you that mind and that ability to reason? I love my ability to reason and think and question and struggle- and I believe God gave it all to me! I love that John Wesley included reason in one of the things that is important to our faith- to understanding it and living it out. (Often called the Wesley Quadrilateral -Scripture, Tradition, Reason, Experience)

I hate suffering and I believe God does too.
God has never given up on me - even when Christ hung on the cross- and felt forsaken by all people and even cried aloud feeling forsaken by God- he still did not lose faith- he still forgave us- he never forsook us, he never gave up. He knew - he lived- he died- for our hope- for the truth that there is resurrection- there is new life- there is eternal life- there is hope- there is forgiveness- there is reconciliation- there is unending grace, mercy, and peace that passes understanding. I wrote in a sermon once that sin isn't God's problem - its ours... Suffering isn't a problem we can solve.... it is a reality that exists- not because God wants it, not always exclusively because our sin creates it, not because God is poking at and testing us... it just is.
I have no easy answers-- maybe I have no "good" answers- and maybe I have none that are "good enough" for folks. This truly is one of my fears I as a pastor- that I won't have good enough answers to help guide people and grow people in their faith. But its not about me- or my answers- Christ isn't Google... you can't find a link to answer everything- there will be no quick fix-- there will be "well that makes sense- okay - now that I have understood everything- sign me up!" No - there is only faith.

I think about Matthew's Gospel and how Jesus is tempted in the desert by the devil.

5Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6"If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'[b]"

7Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.

I think it is good for us to question- we question God, one another, the church- we challenge our faith- and that is not a bad thing. I once almost got thrown out of a church because I questioned so much! Seriously!
But sometimes I think we have to think about why do we question? Are searching for answers? And really- would any answer be satisfying? Do we want to tear down what another believes? Are we seeking to open ourselves and others up to more? Are we competing with God- do we think we know better?

I do not believe we can move further in our faith without doubt, questions, challenges- but I also believe we can't expect easy answers- or try to put God in a box- or give up when it doesn't work out for us...

I wondered with Kevin about these books- why do they write them? Do they seek to take away hope- do they know better- do they think that humanity is great and can do better? (again that Dr. Phil question) Does the author seek to rip faith away from believers? And Kevin wondered with me- should we not read this and these kind of books? Do they seek to take away faith and if so is this book evil- is it seeking to do evil?

I take seriously the vows of baptism and membership where I have stood and said that "I renounce the spiritual forces of wickedness, reject the evil powers of this world, and repent of my sin and that I accept the freedom and power God gives me to resist evil, injustice, and oppression in whatever forms they present themselves." Is this one of those places? Do I resist this?

And yet- I think and fear and wonder if this is the onslaught of thought that barrages people- If I truly seek to guide, and uplift, and nurture people in their faith shouldn't I know and understand what is that they have to confront- or that is trying to confront them. (of course someone could use this reasoning and say- well I had to watch the porn or do the drugs or whatever so I could understand better...yada yada-- hear me clearly-- this is NOT what I'm saying) I just don't think I should be so insulated that I am comfortable with my "answers" but those answers bounce off those I'm trying to reach.

I am not afraid that these authors or anyone for that matter can take away my faith. I've been to seminary-(there was this joke in seminary that your first year they'd try to steal your Jesus and you'd get Him back your third year!) I never lost my Jesus. Many of these authors have been to seminary too and they are more studied than I am. Do they know better than me? No. I believe. I know. I reason. I feel. I experience. I suffer. I struggle and still I believe. I struggle more and I struggle again and still I believe. I believe more and I believe deeper and I believe wiser and I struggle more and I believe deeper and fuller and wiser. I share this belief with people throughout all the world and throughout all time that God is the God who lives and loves and cares and rules and that His Son Jesus Christ lived, and died, and rose again. He hung on a cross and suffered, he questioned and wondered about people- where were they-why did they do this- and about where God was- and He didn't give up- He didn't abandon us or God He forgave us and He knew that God did not leave him there to suffer and die. I believe in the Holy Spirit who lives and moves, and breathes and guides, and nurtures, and cares. I believe in the resurrection and in the hope of eternal life and in the life everlasting. I believe that no matter what happens God is with me. Some would call me naive or optimistic (and its not like I've not heard that before and believe me I've even been called way worse).

I don't believe because its easy and I don't believe because I now have all the answers and life is easy and I don't believe because I think it makes sense in a logical way and that I no longer have questions and all the answers are here and its all figured out. I believe because I know God is God who loves me and lives in me and is for me and with me. I know Christ seeks me out, saves me, forgives me, and redeems me, and I know the Holy Spirit enfolds me, equips me, guides me, uplifts me- how do I know? How do I know? Really Beth- Tell me how do you know?

There's a great hymn that says, "You ask me how I know he lives? He lives within my heart!" that may sound cheesy to some folks- or again naive and optimistic- but it is truth. When I doubt Christ catches me when I fear He holds me- when I'm pissed off he still holds me. God is more patient than anyone we can ever imagine- we're like two year olds' (or even harder- three year olds' having a tantrum) God can wait us out and is still there! God doesn't leave.

Yes- there is famine and destruction, and horrible horrible things--real things- not just theoretical bad stuff- but really bad stuff- many of my parishioners have seen things I could never imagine, many of the people who walk in to the church each day or who I encounter and millions of people who I don't encounter are living on the hinges of life, they are without food, clothing, shelter, medicine, and sometimes worst of all without hope. Where is God? all the people clamor-- they want a target to blame. Where and how are we? Where and how and when are we accepting the freedom and power Christ gives us? Do we live and believe and do something?

Why do I believe- is it just because I believe I am being saved from hell? Yes and no-- Yes I do believe I am saved from hell- I am saved from from fear, and pain, isolation, and ultimate suffering Yes I believe that. But my belief doesn't begin and certainly doesn't end there or even languish there very long-- I believe I am saved for- saved for a life of service in and through and for Christ and His world.
I am saved for you and you are saved for me- so that we may love.
So that we love God and one another and love the world.
A very insightful preacher once said to me, "What brings you to faith keeps you in faith?" Do you come out of fear? Do you come for easy answers (and when I say easy answers I don't mean just pat answers- in some ways I think any "answer" to the problem of evil and suffering would be insufficient...) if you need this for faith and to stay in faith.... how will you stay in faith? What answer is enough?
Do you come to faith because you are drawn by God's grace that has been always and ever with you (prevenient) that forgives and restores and justifies you and that carries, lifts, and transforms you in a life leading to perfection (perfect in love Matthew 5:48)Do you have a faith that holds you even when answers can't?

Believe and don't stop believing- question and challenge- and read and explore- but don't be shamed, or made to feel stupid, naive, uneducated- we can lose everything in this world- everything- but we cannot lose God---

And you thought I was just writing about Barnes & Noble!

Romans 1: 16 I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes

Wife Mom Pastor Life

Today, I kept Gracie home b/c she was having a bad cough. Each year she tends to get pneumonia--- so I'm trying to keep that from happening. We did a nebulizer treatment and I think we'll keep that up...

Kevin got Sophia off to daycare... he went to work and came home not much later... He looked green... and was so sick! He has a stomach flu, fever, all of it!

I tried to do work from home... but it was somewhat hard-- Gracie would just say, "Snuggle me Mommy." Awwwww...and I was tired.... I did some emailing and preparing for my bible study the best I could... at 4 I took Grace to the church and we set up for the bible study... In my office I have this big gourd that a friend's Mom gave me-- and Gracie pretended to be "Queen of the Gourd" and received a Burger King crown from Pastor Ralph (when Gracie says his name is sounds like Papa Ralph)


On the way to get Sophia-- a fire truck went by roaring...and I said, "Let's say a prayer." I said, "Dear God (and Gracie repeated...) Please keep the firemen and everyone safe. Amen.

Then Gracie said- I want to say another prayer-
and said-- "Dear God, Keep the firemen and all the people safe, let there be love in all the peoples' homes, keep them safe from lots of rain. Amen"

Got Sophia-- and I got a nice big hug!!!made dinner--Princess Soup-- babysitter came...

I printed out the handouts for Disciple Bible Study-
--- I was triple booked tonight
Back to School Night- Sophia's class/Grace's class -- I did 15 min in each class
---Originally Kevin was going to go to one class and I to another...
Parent gathering and I did a pastor talk- and then off to finish Disciple-

When I greeted my class- one of the folks in my class heard a/b my day and the schedule and said, "Maybe we should've started next week?" "This is life..." I said- with joy-- I mean I wasn't mad or defensive or annoyed-- just matter of fact... This is life.

It is-- I am wife/mom/pastor-- I am one person and its all good. Like really-- good. Its crazy, its hectic-- kids get sick, husband gets sick-- there are parent and pastor responsibilities...
house is a mess....family coming to visit- it all happens at once...no matter how well we plan- it happens.... but you know what?

God is so good. I feel held in it all.

And they were fine-- I hate that this was the first real class... but this is why I have a great assistant, had a lesson plan, and a 30 minute video... I hated missing their opening discussion....

Tonight:
Gracie's teacher Mrs. Ryan shared a story about Grace-- She calls the kids "Lovey" sometimes or "Little love" and Gracie said, "I'm not Lovey, I'm Gracie Anderson." lol

she cracks me up!

My bible study was really wonderful- a big class-- but great. I worry about how big the class is- about 20 folks now... Ranging in age from 20-70s that is pretty cool. OF course theodicy came up at the very end and we totally ran over. It all went well...I just hope I wasn't like a total spaz going all over the place. It is a big class...there are lots good thoughts, questions, and I prefer discussion than lecture...but in the beginning its hard not to do that a bit I guess-- I just don't like to be preachy...I don't want to sermonize them to boredom...but mostly I did feel that it went well..

I did feel bad about being late to relieve our awesome babysitter.

The girls had so much fun with our wonderful babysitter---
They played dress up with these wonderful clothes our babysitter brought for them while I was three ring circus Mom/Pastor
and were out when I got home...



Checked on Kevin, took his temp, covered him up, cold washcloth for the head, and Tylenol for the fever.... poor thing

there is so much to do...but I am done.

There are always piles of laundry, piles and piles... I feel like that song, "I can see for miles and miles..." I see laundry for piles and piles... but it will all be good.

In the wonderful words of Julian of Norwich "All will be well and all will be well and all things will be well."

This is what assurance, peace, comfort feels...even when there are like a million things I could be stressed about-- I'm not. I know that it will all be well. I am held. Thanks be to God!

Words from Grace

I'm constantly astounded by the things my 3 year old says. Sometimes she scares me how deep she can be and other times she just makes me laugh. Sophia my 2 year old is saying lots of thigns right now too-- and I know that I'm really going to be amazed by her thoughts and ideas once she shares them with me.

In this last week these are some of the things Gracie said:

She woke up in the middle of the night last week- and Kevin went to see what she needed.
He opened the door and there was Gracie, "Daddy, I can't sleep. I have a wedgie."
Kevin is an awesome Dad- and he's good for fixing all kind of things- including a wedgie... lol

Wednesday we came by my office and there was a bag of cookies there that a parishoner had made for our family. There were two big ziplock bags full of oatmeal raisen deliciousness. Gracie couldn't wait to have one and I said, "Why don't we share them with all our friends first." So we shared them with everyone in the office- Gracie carrying the bag and offering, "Do you want a cookie?" Then when we had offered one to all the staff, we found the ladies sorting things for the bazaar, and then we went downstairs to the preschools and offered cookies to all the teachers. She had a blast running up and saying, "Would you like a cookie?" Gracie was skipping down the hall saying, "Mommy, I loooove sharing! There is plenty for everyone!" When we had given cookies to everyone at church- she wanted to find more people to give cookies to- so we knocked on some of our neighbors doors and gave cookies to our neigbhors, and to a police officer- most everyone else was away at work so Gracie said, "I think I'll go take a nap, and when I wake up, we'll find more folks to share our cookies with!"

Friday, Kevin wasn't feeling well so I left work early to take the kids. I decided to take them to get their hair cut (Sophia's bangs were way long and I just decided I don't have the patience to pin them back every day). It's back to school time and it would be nice to have a fresh start! On the way to the mall for the haircut we saw a homeless woman on the side of the road. I had nothing on me except these McDonald's coupons I just took out of the mailbox. They included some things free. So I rolled the window down and gave them to her.
Gracie said, "Who was that lady?"
I said, "She's someone who needs some help. You know how we have a nice house to live in and warm beds to sleep in?"
Grace, "Yes."
Me, "Well some people don't have a house to live in or a bed to sleep in."
Gracie thought about it a minute and then she said, "Well Mommy, they can just come to the church. The world isn't done yet."

I was just in awe- nope, the world isn't done yet.

Here are our new haircuts, and the lollipop we got for being still: