Making Lists

This past Sunday, we began an new sermon series and I challenged the congregation to find 100 things between last Sunday and this coming Sunday that they were grateful for. If you haven't read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts, it is amazing.

The first sermon in the series was called "Choosing Gratitude" and I've titled the series "Gratitude: Our Journey to Joy."

It was a good day and I felt the Spirit moving.  We closed the service praying a prayer I had written earlier this year.

I had the wonderful joy to visit with the chair of SPRC from my last church.  She was in the area and came to visit me.  My eyes just filled with tears to see her!  It really brought me so much joy!  Here is someone who knows me, who has journeyed with me, who has seen me become a mom and grow as a pastor.  Nancy is a dear friend and I love her.

My house is still a wreck and have not fully settled in.  I wish we had had like 2 weeks to just unpack and make this our home.  The Guest Room is crazy... that is the dumping ground.  In the Kitchen dishes were everywhere and laundry piled by the door to the laundry room.  She didn't care.  She came to see me.

I had hoped to use these past two days of the Hurricane being in the house to take care of some of these things- including numerous Thank You Notes I have been trying to get done. Yesterday (Monday) I did finish my newsletter for church, cleaned a ton, made a yummy meal for my family, cleaned the girls room, organized the bookshelf, and we all played Chutes and Ladders as a family, bathed girls, read a ton of books, and then happily enjoyed watching TV with my husband for the first time in who knows....  Today I was tired... and we have rested a lot as a family.  I have had little motivation to do otherwise.  I have been tired.  I am not sick- I have been sick twice in my time here so far- so sick that all I wanted was to sleep and drink OJ.  But today I am not sick, I just felt tired.
I had grand hopes for today.  The kids are still out of school because of the Hurricane (although it did not do much damage in our area thankfully).  Today we've had a puppy pile of rest and watching cartoons - me, Kevin, girls, and dogs....

I feel guilty about days like this.  Lately I have felt like I must constantly be productive.  I have so much to do. Constantly.  I know we all do.  I could have called members and recent visitors today, I could have worked on sermons, bulletins, and sermon planning, I could of worked on writing notes, and finally cleaning out the Guest room...

I make lists and lists and list.  And I am usually someone constantly on the go.  I usually also have a ton of energy.
But lately-- I guess it was last week... I just began to lose my zeal a bit.

I don't think I did all the things I was supposed to for those First 90 Days  I have been going too fast- I didn't get through all the books (the books that tell you what you're supposed to do when you move churches) before I came here.  I came with energy, joy, enthusiasm, love, positivity.  I still have this.  But I am a little tired.

Last week I began to realize that I just didn't have that zing... I have poured so much of myself out.
And I think that might be the problem....
While much of my energy comes from ministry- from the pouring out- from visiting, worship,, etc.  The things that used to give me a great deal of energy .... I don't quite have in place here yet.

I led a great and wonderful team of Program Staff in a large church in my last appointment.  We would creatively dream and create ministry led by the Holy Spirit.  We were constantly engaged and collaborated.
Where I serve now- I work with wonderful and gifted staff-- who are all  just about all part time.  I only see them on particular days- Sundays usually.
I have a dedicated, kind, and great administrative assistant who I do see in the office.
But what I have found is that as an extrovert- I really miss the energy I get from being around people.
On Sunday Mornings at my last church I would likely connect with (in some form) 200- 300+ people... I worked with a staff of 20 daily - and engaged creatively with about 5-10 folks daily in planning and implementing ministry.

Here- while I do have a wonderful staff- And I have incredible laity, who for the most part, seem excited about reaching out to the community and being vital... it is me.  Solo Pastoring - so far- seems super isolating.  I am sure it doesn't have to be... just for this super extrovert... I've gone from extremes.  And it could be more extreme... I could be in a very rural appointment.  But it is just me-- it comes down to me.  In a large church- while it comes down at the end of the day to the Sr Pastor- you do have a staff to engage in ministry with you.  You're not alone on a float in the ocean. You're on ship with a crew. 

Last week I also encountered some negativity... and that happens of course.  But it did stuff to me that usually doesn't happen.  I can usually bounce back pretty fast.  This church is young- relatively.  They celebrated their 55th Anniversary last year.  And yet there is still animosity around certain issues. And folks grumble about this or that (like in every church) saying things like, "Well its been like this for 20, 30, x number of years.... "  And I'm here seeking to bring light, to bring clarity, understanding, seeking to find ways we can work together and move forward into God's vision for our church.  

I have just had realized in the last week that the things that fed me daily-- I don't really have here...yet.
And I think its making me tired.
And I think its making me sad.
And I think I really have to do something about it.

So- I found a Spiritual Director- and we meet this Thursday.
I asked for prayer through Facebook Groups and friends.
My husband and I have prayed.

I do feel like I am supposed to be here- Yes- this is where God has called me.
And Yes God is present.
I guess that should be enough.

But I when I go to get things done in my office-- I just feel overwhelmed, tired, drained.
I feel like I got more done in my last appointment.....
but it wasn't just me doing it-- I was working with this team.

I really want to learn what is "normal"? You know? What is a normal pace?  What is balance...here?

My children have also not slept well here...yet-- we have a hard time getting to bed.  Perhaps we're still seeking a rhythm after summer.... but they're not asleep till 9 or even 10 on some nights!
They used to be asleep by 8 or 8:30!

There were so many things to create order around, systems, accountability, clarity, around when I arrived.
I wanted so much to get to know everyone and start building relationships.
And its like I just dove in.
Our first day- the minute the truck arrived I was over at church because VBS was going on.
I went over, said hello, and did an opening prayer at VBS welcoming others... and myself there.
 And.... I haven't really stopped.

I realized last week- with the exception of our vacation to WI this summer-- I have not had a full and complete day off.  To do only what I wanted.  To rest. To read. To study. To pray.  To watch TV.  Or whatever I may want....On every day off- I tried to unpack, make pastoral calls, squeeze in a hospital visit, plan worship, write sermons, send emails... and still it feels like not enough....
Why not enough?  because there is so much that needs to get done.

And I know- I can hear all the wise folks saying- Beth- there will always be more to do....
I need to hear Jesus tell me this.  And  he does. 
When the disciples got wound up and objected to a woman annointing Jesus.  They wanted to sell the perfume for money to give to the poor - Jesus says, "The poor will be with you always."
I feel like that is Jesus telling me- "Ministry(sermons, bulletins, planning, visioning, phone calls, emails, administration, conflict management, etc) - laundry- cleaning- unpacking-  ) this will be with you always.

So maybe it is okay that today- I have barely left the our bedroom-- slept, cuddled with kids, dogs, and husband..... and yet I could use another few days like that... just no agenda days. Which is kind of crazy for me--- because I feel like used to be able to go go go and still be filled....

Transition is hard.

That's why it was so good to see Nancy. She just ekept saying, "Beth! You've only been here a little over 3 months!"  (I arrived at the beginning of July- next week will be 4 months).
Nancy was so affirming and loving and encouraging.  Even now tears come.  I feel like that visit will keep me going for awhile...

I was telling her about the sermon series and the challenge to the congregation to list 100 things they were grateful for.  Nancy gave me another challenge.  She said, "I want you to list all that you've accomplished here so far." Of course- it isn't ME doing it all-- It is God- and it is God working through the people.  But a lot has happened since I've been here that was not here before I came.  I see this as fruit of what God is doing through me and us.  Not because of me-- but Because of God.  I do think that God has used me here.  And its not even been 4 months.  I cannot likely keep this pace.

And I do not think others expect this pace.
I just don't know what is normal.  I feel sometimes like I'm being watched to see how good I am..... (this really reveals a lot I know) And I'm not sure I mean it just like that... but I do feel like some folks still aren't sure maybe, or just want to see how I'll do... I need to stop feeling like I need to prove my worthiness.  And I need to simply keep my focus on what God has called me to do in this time.  I have actually had one member say to me, "We'll just have to see what you do."
For instance- a member stopped by today- we had an appointment to look at banners in the church today- but I had forgotten b/c of the storm.... and I felt guilty for hanging around with my girls watching cartoons.  I had been caught not being productive and that felt like a failure. (whew- I got a lot to work on, huh? :)

So here I am trying to do what Nancy suggested:
Things that have happened since I came July that I either started or helped get going: 
-8 new small groups are now happening in the church (New Sunday School class started after interested folks met with me- younger adults called Just Coffee, started PoLO's (Parents of Little Ones), new small group for children- Little Ones,  Starting Point Class, Baptism Class, new small group in a home bound members home, new small group starting to do an advent study in 3 weeks -have met with and equipped leader, after preaching on Intentional Faith Development one member felt called to start a Tai Chi class).
- Children's Choir resurrected/ re-started with order.... When Little Ones meet on Wednesday night part of their time is singing- Children Choir is singing in church Once a month.
-Did a sermon series on the Five Practices of Fruitful Congregations - sending out weekly devotion by email.
-Also began Pastor's Email each week to share upcoming events-- email included links to events, Facebook, etc.
-Worked with Stewardship Committee to do a Stewardship Campaign that worked well with the 5 Practices called "This is My Church."  Found volunteers to film and edit videos of folks in church sharing why they come to church, what they love about church, what they hope for their church.  Each week of the sermon series we affirmed our faith and mission by saying together the "This is My Church" poem and celebrating what God has done, God is doing, and what God will continue to do.
Had the Stewardship Committee over for dinner where I cooked and they came to the house.

Stewardship Committee also has sent out 2 letters so far for the campaign.  Will send out thank you letters and we have a Christmas Letter.
Celebration Sunday was Oct 21 and we brought forth pledges and had a Celebration Lunch.
So far 42 pledges are in- same number as last year.
-Had the staff and their families over for dinner. Have a hope of doing this more often since we do not all gather together on a regular basis.
-Invited and met with most all staff one on one for a lunch or dinner.  So that we could start getting to know each other.  
-Brought order to the pay roll system.  Folks now turn in time sheets to me, I approve, and administrative assistant felt relieved and supported.
-Met with all church leaders in first weeks and gave them resources available for them to know more about their role.  Did this in a hope of equipping, resourcing, and supporting them.  One chair told me "I never really knew what I was supposed to be doing. "
-Met with the Lay Leadership Team for the first time in several years to work on nominating for Charge Conference. We now do have someone for Evangelism - which I am calling Welcoming Team.
-My Treasurer shared that he wanted to resign after my first few weeks. I learned this the day before we left for vacation.  He and I finally touched base on my cell phone driving through KY.  I was super worried about him, why, how would this work out.  He's hung on to get us through our audit for Charge Conference. Praise God!  He mostly felt unequipped for the position and pushed into when he took it.  He was a bit burnt out and tired.  It looks like after having 5 no's I have a Treasurer! Praise God!
- I wanted to fix the website when I came and tried to that pretty soon.  But I got hung up in details and have not had the time.  I now have a volunteer willing to work on it and hopefully soon we'll cancel our expensive and not so good Ezekiel site and have a cheaper and beautiful wordpress site. But I've let go of the "when."
-Brought order and system to our way of preparing for Charge Conference.  Just about all paperwork came turned in a month early.  Still things to do in the last weeks before.  Admin Assistant expressed joy about this as things were last minute in the past.
-Developed a plan for Children and Family Ministry- Now have a Sunday School Superintent, now take attendance, average for Sunday School (including all ages) is 30.
-Worked to bring together all teachers, youth director, etc.  and created a Discipling Team - used to have a Council on Children and Youth - and brought all people together in one team who work on Intentional Faith Development.  We met and planned for the fall and winter.  Still need to meet more.
Started
-Worked with volunteers to plan and implement our first ever Harvest Fest.  They had done a Trunk or Treat in the past.  This was a little more-- we offered a meal, crafts, activities, singing, devotion, movie, etc.  People were quite skeptical-- we had 150 people come through.  I got contacts for all.  And have been working on follow up.
-Sermon and Worship Planning- Currently doing a Gratitude Sermon Series.  Have planned-Advent Sermon series - several groups in the church will align small group studies around. 
-Planning for an Advent Event  where folks can come and do Advent Workshops (like make an advent wreath), have a pot luck dinner, do our Hanging of the Greens Service, and maybe gather for a family movie....Sat Dec 1
-Brought folks together for the biggest Church Clean Up day people say we've had-- we had 50 people there to clean up the church grounds and not just the same ole folks.
-Got a Sign Ministry going- folks are now changing the sign by the main road that says what the upcoming sermon will be. I did it myself for a few weeks until I could get it organized and not have some regular volunteers. 
- When I walked around with the chair of the Property Committee I mentioned that I would love for us to have a Welcome Sign as you come into the church.  Most folks enter into the front/ "back" door-- as the parking lot is located behind the church and the front of the church is on top of a hill that looks over a main highway.  Most folks enter through the back door.  A sign hung above the door that sad "Office and Sunday School Classrooms" and by the door to the Fellowship Hall a sign hung up that said "Fellowship Hall."  Above the main door I wanted the first thing you see to say "Welcome to Bermuda Hundred UMC."  I said, "This is my Vision for this someday."  We were going around and making a list for the Clean Up Day--- and there were many things that we wanted but knew they were "someday."  The next Sunday he and I and few other guys talked about the sign- what did I imagine, etc. The sign was hung up last week!  It is beautiful!

-An Eagle Scout is doing a project to clean up a trail behind the Pavilion and create a prayer labyrinth!
-We had a Fall Kick Off with a bouncy house (generously donated by a member).  We did not have the response I had hoped for- but it was a good event.  We did get great response in the community for Harvest Fest :)
- I have visited probably 15 families and called probably 20.  I had this thought that I'd visit everyone in my first couple months... So unrealistic!  I have visited most of the homebound folks once and brought communion.  One woman filled with tears, "In all these years you are the only pastor who has offered us communion."  This made me sad, but glad that I was worshiping with them in their home.
-The Church Council used to only meet every other month.  They have the SPRC meet from 6:00-6:45, Finance from then till 7 and Church Council till 7:30.  We now have those meetings once a month.  Finance even met twice in September to get ready for Charge Conference.  I made and brought dinner b/c we tried to meet early and I wanted to extend hospitality. 
-We've been having more children in worship- which means more are coming to Children's Church.  Worked with the Children's Church volunteers to begin working on developing a worship format for the Children and space for them to learn Lord's Prayer, Apostles' Creed, Doxology, etc. 
-When I arrived, the current nursery worker was not a good match.  After consultation with SPRC, I let her go.  We have since sought through word of mouth to find an effective and good fit for a nusery worker.  Created a team to interview, and hired a new nursery worker who is working out well.  (She's been here almost a month now).
-Right when I got the new nursery worker, my accompanist shared that she needed a 6 month leave of absence from Nov- May (advent and lent!).  I went online to the conference website to begin advertising and found a musician seeking work!  God is awesome.  We were to meet yesterday- but the Hurricane has made us need to reschedule.  I think this may be a good fit. We'll see!
-When I arrived the Pastor's Discretionary Account is a check book which the pastor writes the checks directly.  The GCFA does not recommend this.  There was little to no accountability around this.  People were given checks directly, same made out to cash. I have created a policy around this and I do not give money for hotel stays, etc. We will help a utility bill, rent (given copy of lease and I speak directly with landlord- I have been conned on this before where two people - one is renter and another pretends to be landlord!), I have purchased some food cards and gas cards to have onsite (just ran out of these....) We are still flooded with assistance calls and I do refer to them local non-profits, but I now also have a policy to work from.
-Scouts-- I have done the invocation twice for our the HUGE cub scout troop that meets on Thursday nights.  They did not have involvement from previous pastors (not that this matters for me so much... but it is a new thing).  And met briefly with the Boy Scout leaders (they don't use email).  My daughter wants to be a Daisy Scout and Kevin took the girls to the recruitment night meeting at the Elementary School (I had Church Council) and looks like he and I are now Assistant Troop Leaders and like we'll soon start a new Daisy Troop in my church!  (Girl Scouts used to meet at the church - and there are a lot of stories going on as to why they were "kicked out")  but we are starting over.  My new phrase has been "We're rebuilding."
-Preschool- So we have a preschool that is separate- their own non-profit.  There is a lot of history b/t preschool and church and the older generation of church tends to look at preschool as cost/ burden not ministry.  There's a lot more to it- but that is the gist.   There's not been a whole lot of connection between the two.  There's often been a lot of blame. This is so wearing.  Anyway- I was super excited about the Preschool.  I have a daughter in the Preschool.  I asked if I could do chapel.  They said yes.  This has been fun!  The kids loved it!  We've only had one time- we're doing once a month and we'll see if we can add more later on.... I love developing the relationships with the kids and the parents.  Perhaps we'll do chapel more at some point.  They are settling into their non profit status and the preschool has been there for 30 years but is just now its own non-profit and was started by an energetic, Spirit filled member.  I am on their board and we've only had one meeting- which I had to miss b/c of a Conference leadership commitment. 

I think that is the bulk of the things I have "started" and helped get going so far.

There's also been the regular pastor stuff-
I've had the joy to go with volunteers to feed the homeless in Petersburg twice. That was awesome.
The regular day to day stuff.
I've had one person in crisis continually and numerous assistance calls and been able to help folks with rent, utilities, etc.
Attended the regular meetings- UMW, UMM Fish Fry, etc..
We've also gone to events at my husbands church- 4th of July, Pastor Welcome dinners (2 pt charge), Harvest Fest, on
Conference meetings and responsibilities. Two Conference Committees and serving as a Class Coordinator for the current Provisional Class.  This has brought a lot of joy to me! It is inspiring to be with them!

And there's also the stuff that isn't church-the joy of being a Mom
I've gotten to volunteer at Gracie's school in her class and will volunteer again soon.
I've been able to be home most days to pick her up from school, walk her home, help with homework, and snacks, and fix dinner.
I've been able to hang out with Sophia and pick her up from school, play, snack, read, etc
I have these daydreams every once in awhile of being a stay at home Mom... but I love being a Pastor... (usually)


I've decided to place a calendar that says  "Where is the Pastor" outside my office door so folks can see where I am and what I'm doing.
 I think this will be good especially as I now know I cannot be in the office all the time.... it is too quiet... for me to be productive.  That may not make sense to some.... but I just get distracted... and cannot focus on the creative stuff.  I have literally sat at my desk with tears streaming chatting on Facebook with friends seeking encouragement.  I wouldn't do that at Panera.  Of Course I will need to be in the office some... I just need to find ways to be around more people energy... when I'm left alone it doesn't feel so good.  I focus on the wrong things...

I did work in the sanctuary last week for a morning to plan worship and work on the sermon/ bulletin.  And that was really good.  I just sat there in the floor surrounded by sacred space. Quiet, peaceful, and if I got distracted- I looked at Jesus. 

Making this list feels a little strange-- it could sound boastful... but really it is just to let me know- Girl- you're good.  You are doing what God called you to do. 
When you read Paragraph 340 in the Book of Discipline it lists all that a pastor is supposed to do.  When you are THE pastor doing this... it literally feels impossible.
And if you're not careful you'll try to do it ...all
and if you're like me-- you try for a while and then feel really tired...

Why am I like this?
I feel driven.
Not like - I am not driven in the way I want a lot of attention or a super big paycheck....
I actually feel driven because I feel this sense of urgency to share the Gospel... and to make disciples.

Seriously- I believe this-- its not just a thing to say to the Board of Ministry or your DS... I mean it.

I don't feel this way because I believe I have to save people from hell.
I feel like this because I think we all need to be saved from ourselves.  

Which is kind of what I need now-- I need saving.
I need saving from my feelings of enoughness - I need saving from all that is pressing on me... I need saving from myself.

Some days I wish I could live in an intentional community where we had an ordered life of prayer, study, service, discipline-- left on my own I will just keep doing.... this is my fear anyway.
But in seminary when I talked with my husband about intentional communities he was like- no way- I can't walk around in my boxers that way! Lol but seriously... life is hard left on your own. 

As a missionary, my life was marked by accountability with the 17 of those who were commissioned with me.  Even though we were spread across the country we gathered at marked times.  Perhaps it was all the Americorps paperwork I filled out....that constantly reminded me what I was doing and why.  I worked with a great staff and friendships grew there that held me. 
In seminary, our days were marked by a rhythm of worship, prayer, study, pot lucks, game nights.  Such Joy in Community. 
As a provisional elder- my covenant group helped mark my life with rhythm, worship, accountability. At the same time I worked with a large, excellent, effective, loving staff.  We met every week, once a month for worship, prayed together regularly... I coordinated lots of that amongst the staff when I was there. 

Yet here- I realize I have not created these support networks of accountability and prayer.   Here, I have not yet developed a rhythm of prayer and worship. Not the way I had in my last appointment.
Of course that probably didn't happen there in 4 months either...I had 6 years to develop a balance there.  And now I am starting over.

I am rebuilding.
Not only things in church.
But life for me too.

Thankfully, God is and expert at reclaiming, redeeming, restoration, rebuilding, resurrection, and the respiration of the Holy Spirit breathing in our lives. Awesome, Amazing, Awake God- Breathe in me! Let me slow down so I may be filled with your deep breaths.  And let me breathe back.

Things I heard this week and things I didn't hear

This week- I didn't hear, "YES! I have been praying and I would like to be the treasurer."
This week I heard my fourth - No-- as I seek to replace a treasurer.  

But tonight I heard- my four year old say:
"Mommy- read MORE books!"
Mommy tuck me in more!"
 Mommy stay and snuggle with me." 

Tonight my 5 year old said as we folded and put away clothes-- (at 9:30 :((( so looking forward to a rhythm of bedtime)
"Mommy I love helping!
Mommy - we're doing chores!
Mommy!  Sophia will be so excited to see her drawers all done and she will be so joyful!"

I heard a lot of whining and complaining and meltdowns this week--
most of them were from my children :) 

This week I heard a lot of positive feedback from my congregation.

This week I learned a lot- and stepped into some messy history....

This week while working with the Finance team we saved the church $1000 by cutting ineffective advertising....
 that felt really good

This week I was excited to share that more people are coming back to church.

This week I heard and was confronted with the reality we aren't and will likely not be able to pay all our apportionments.

This week I was able to book a bouncy house for our Fall Kick Off because of the extravagant generosity of one a member.  I will be able to also get supplies for our Clean Up day because of their gift as well.  

This week I heard my husband tell me multiple times, "I love you."   "God is working it out."

This week I prayed with friends multiple times who acknowledged, affirmed, and assured ,
"Yes, Ministry is Hard.  But You are called."
One wise clergywoman friend said, "Ministry is hard, the only thing harder is parenting- and you're doing both."  That really helped.  (Perspective, especially perspective from others who have been there and are there-- priceless)

This week I received encouraging texts that really kept me going.

This week I heard in the stillness of tears, the beautiful stained glass of our sanctuary, and presence of the Holy-- "I am here- and We will do this work together."

This week I was greatly encouraged as I talked with church leaders.  I said, "I am thankful for you"  They said, "I am thankful for you."

This week I had to say and do some hard things.  
And I survived.
And it worked out.
And I praised God.



My Mom said to me this week with such kindness and encouragement and a big hug, "Do your best and God will do the rest."  Yes- I need the reminder. And to know- it may not look like I think or want and it may not all get done and fixed and together right away-- but God is working and I am working and we are all working-- and as Julian said, "All will be well and all will be well and all matter of things will be well." 

This week I heard "Thank you" and "God Bless you" as our church kept one family from eviction and another family's water on.


This week I said to God--- "This burden feels so heavy. "

And I heard God say to me,

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30).

Prayer of a pastor

Almighty God,
I am learning so very much.  You reveal your presence daily.  And yet, fear can grip me.  There is so much newness and just when I think I know what I am doing, or where you are calling,  I am hit again.  I pray Lord, that you will guide me and I will listen.  I pray the Holy Spirit will embrace us all.  Give all people the words to speak and communicate their feelings, needs, worries, and expectations.  Give us all empathy and understanding as we hear, grace to receive, and strength to move forward.  Sustain me Lord, for this journey.  In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.          

Risky Ministry

Rev. Beth Anderson

Bermuda Hundred UMC

July 15, 2012

Mark 6: 14-29

Friday, our family attended the James River District Welcome Picnic in Yale, Virginia at Sharon UMC with the other pastors and their families.  It was a great opportunity to begin meeting others on the district.  A few of us were talking about the texts for this Sunday and no one except for myself and one other pastor were willing to preach on this text—John the Baptist --- losing his head.  J   

We usually only hear about John the Baptist at the beginning of the year – around January when we celebrate the Baptism of the Lord.

We think of John the Baptist at Advent as we remember Mary and Elizabeth pregnant at the same time. 

We read passages in December proclaiming the prophesies of John –remembering that  he is the one who will prepare the way for our Lord. [i]

We remember Zechariah unable to speak until John is named after his birth.

John’s birth, life, and death—prepare the way for Jesus Christ our Savior.

We hear a lot about the John and Jesus before and at the time of their births and then we do not hear much about them until they are adults. 

When we catch up to John– he now lives in the desert, he wears clothing made of camel hair, and he eats locust and wild honey.

John is not typical.

John doesn’t have a couple kids and spend his evenings at the kitchen table worried about a mortgage. 

He’s living in a cave down by the Jordan River and dining on insects…

John doesn’t negotiate business deals, answer to supervisors, or work with a team to build something or agree on a decision. 

John calls it like it is.

When all kinds of people came from Jerusalem to be baptized and were repenting and confessing their sins

The Pharisees and Sadducees also came (a reflection of the wide of appeal of John’s renewal movement…)

Yet when John saw them he  said,   “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?  Bear fruit worthy of repentance .  Do not presume to say to yourselves, “We have Abraham as our ancestor; for I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children to Abraham.”[ii] 

Yeah- John is a prophet.  Not a diplomat.

He doesn’t mince words—John wasn’t going to let them be okay with simply saying, “Hey--we’re children of Abraham—so… we’re good.” 

He was going to speak up- when he had to …and even when he didn’t have to. 

He was going to talk about hard things—sin, repentance, justice, compassion, holiness.  

John would use his voice—he would cry out in the wilderness.

He would use his voice- even if it shook.

And he was spirited.

He leapt in Elizabeth’s belly when Mary came to visit and he has been lively ever since. 

Lively that is…. Until we slam into today’s text.

Mark’s Gospel is full of immediacy –and things kind of hit us with a shock—

That’s how we hear the news that the man who baptized most of Jerusalem and Jesus himself is now--- dead.

We hear the news – at the beginning of the text----almost nonchalantly:

“King Herod heard of it, for Jesus’ name had become known. Some were saying, “John the baptizer has been raised from the dead.” 

The first time you read through it – you’ve got to take a double take.

—Did Mark’s Gospel just say John the Baptist was dead?

When did that happen?  Did I miss something?

Then, you get the fullness of the story as a flashback—you hear about Herod, Herodias, and her daughter (Herod’s step-daughter) also named Herodias… who danced. 

If you’re not careful it’s easy to get lost in what’s happening in this dangerous soap opera of a story…

We get more backstory-- Herod wanted to marry his brother Philip’s wife—AND John spoke out against it. 

“John had been telling Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brothers’ wife.” 

Herodias (the wife) didn’t like hearing this—and she had a grudge against John- in fact this wasn’t just a grudge- she wanted to kill him. 

But Herod— feared John—Herod knew John was “righteous and holy” and Herod protected him.  – (perhaps from Herodias…. )

Whenever Herod heard John—the Gospel tells us that “he was greatly perplexed”…. “and yet he liked to listen to him.”

John was speaking the truth to him—it was probably hard to hear—yet he was drawn to hear it—it perplexed him. 

There is something alluring about the truth. 

When we hear it – it may sting, it may trouble us, it may challenge us—but no matter what—we can’t shake it.

John the Baptist was serious about pointing people to Jesus and to His Word—

As we keep reading through the Gospels we come Jesus saying,

“ If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” [iii]

Herod- a wealthy man- with a huge banquet- food, drink, power

—was not free. 

He stayed chained doing what all others wanted of him—he feared losing what seemed like real power—so for as long as he could,  he protected John the Baptist- when that seemed like the politically safe maneuver.

But when sitting in a crowded banquet room—all eyes watching--- he feared Herodias and the pressure of the guests all around—and stayed locked to the security of earthly power.

 Herod was consistently inconsistent—going with whatever won him the most popularity at the time

Yet, John the Baptist never wavered. 

He risked everything and it lost him everything.

He pointed to Jesus- the truth, the kingdom, our Savior

He prepared the way for Jesus—

Both would lay down their lives for the Truth.

And Jesus, who came baptizing with the power and fire of the Holy Spirit would die and rise. 

Jesus Christ came and prepared the way for all us

—to have everlasting resurrection lives. 

They risked it all for us to have it all. 

Risk is scary.  It’s putting yourself on the line. 

It’s standing up and using your voice

—when you don’t have to, but you choose to.

My mother taught me a lot about this.

She was a teacher in Prince Edward County Schools in the mid 70’s through 80’s. 

Prince Edward County when ordered on May 1, 1959 to integrate its schools, chose instead to close the entire public school system. 

Private schools were created for white students as a protest to integration and no provision was made for educating the county’s black children.  This system remained until 1964, when the U.S. Supreme Court outlawed Virginia's tuition grants to private education.[iv]

 Yet, during the time my mother worked there- she was the only white female teacher in her school. 

She encountered death threats and slashed tires. 

My sisters and I were called names. 

Our family was known.

We lived on a farm in Pamplin and attended Charlotte County Schools. 

We were the first to be picked up and the last to be dropped up because the bus driver, my friend Kia’s father lived up the hill from us. 

Kia was my best friend.

I’ll never forget the day a bully on our bus---- I don’t remember his name—

He was a really tall big guy with flaming red hair. 

He had slew of brothers all with the same bright red hair.

 Our bus had Elementary, Middle, and High School kids all on the same bus. 

I was in 1^st grade and my sister Caroline was in 6^th. 

He pushed my sister and knocked off her glasses.  He was about to step on them laughing as he pushed her back. 

He stood over her calling our family names.

  I slid out of my seat and came between them.

 My scrawny but tall for my age 6 year old self said,

“HEY – you can’t talk to my sister that way!

You sit down and be quiet and you learn to be nice!”

 I didn’t even realize what I was doing!  I just did it because he was wrong! 

Everyone became still. 

He sat down.

 Everyone quieted.

 I picked up Care’s glasses and slid next to Kia

                                                                ----and then I started to shake. 

She put her arm around me and we rode home in silence. 

I knew to do that because of my Mom.

My Mom and I had lots of conversations about why things were the way they were and why people acted the way they did. 

Usually all she could say was – “there is not a reason why –they’re just wrong and that’s not how we’re supposed to be. You be different.  Stand up and use your voice.”

Sometimes we’re taking risk and we don’t even know we’re taking risk, until its over—and we’re shaking….

Sometimes we’re taking a risk and our voice shakes, but we still must speak.

Risk is defined by the one taking the risk.

When you’re wearing camel hair in the desert eating bugs—risk is telling a powerful king how wrong he is.

When you’re the Son of God- risk is knowing that the world will hate you—and crucify you.

When you’re me and you…. risk very well may look differently than it did for John the Baptist.

 We’re not called to be John the Baptist. 

Isaiah didn’t say we would be the one to prepare the way for the Lord. 

But the Lord, our Savior Jesus

has prepared the way for each of us.

Risk looks different depending on your circumstances.

It was one thing to live in Detroit

-when we were young, just married, out of college

-and gangs burnt down our garage

-and drug deals happened a block away     

-and we didn’t have any children.

Would we do that now?

I don’t really know – to be sure.  I really don’t.

I only know that- that’s not where God has called us right now.

What I do know is

that I’m right where God wants me.

I know that – for any of us… the risk taking for our ministry is

to look at  who we are and where we are and discern:

what does God call NOW?

How do you know what risks God is calling you to take?

You pray.  And pray.  And pray.

You listen to God.

You read God’s word for the Truth—

--it will hold you accountable and  it will set you free.

And you remember the wisdom theologian Frederick Buechner shares,

“There are many different voices calling you

to many different places. 

The place where God calls you is where your

deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

So---Where----- How is the world hungry for your gifts?

Go there- Do that--take Risks!

Amen.

---

[i] Isaiah 40: 1-11

[ii] Matthew 3: 1-17

[iii] John 8:32

[iv] http://www.vahistorical.org/civilrights/pec.htm

What I learned about God today...and the past couple weeks...

Hello!  I haven't blogged in weeks!  Maybe even a month... I cannot even remember!  
There has been so much going on! 


We have moved!  We have experienced itineracy.
Its one thing to speak about and another thing to experience.  I praise God through it all.

We've had so many adventures!  Our children were sick before, after, and somewhat during the move.... They had a tummy bug, but I think nerves also affected them- especially our younger daughter Sophia- who turned 4 the day before we moved.
Our double PK's (preacher's kids) are amazing and I am in awe of their resiliency.

Everyone said that life would be slower when we moved out of Northern Virginia.  So far I have not experienced that,  but perhaps life will have a different rhythm, once we have a routine...

My husband has two country churches where he is serving and I serve one church closer to city/suburban life...

Vacation Bible School started at my church before I arrived, and Wednesday when the truck left, my girls and I went over and we jumped right in!

My first Sunday came and went well!  The girls clung to me as I said the benediction and twirled in my stole...but somehow that all felt right.
  I had one funny and good-natured fellow say to me, "Good message today... but you need to remember...we're Methodist, not Baptists!  You need to shorten your sermons a bit."  LOL! I loved it!  Isn't this the preacher's dilemma?  I probably preached about 20 minutes....

Our girls are doing better... Sophia said on Wednesday - we were at an event at one of my husband's churches- we were late. :(  Some family who live close by had stopped in and we were glad to see them and visited a bit, and then made it out there.  Hopefully folks won't hold our tardiness against him...

While there Sophia said to me, "Mommy, I want to go home.  Not to our new home.... I want to go to my old home." I pulled her in my lap and said, "Our new home is our home.  And everything we love and all the people who love us are always with us.  And most of all Jesus is always with us.  Love is our home."  
                                 ..... Do you think it worked?
Well, kind of.  I guess she hears this kind of thing a lot from us.  She said- "Yes, I know Mommy..."

I feel like once we get a chance to paint her room and hang her pictures, put up our "art gallery", etc.  it will feel more like home.  Now there are still boxes everywhere!

My office at the church is like a land mine of books-- I thought it would be easier to just get them out of the boxes... not so much! :) But I know - it will come together.

Today was really the first slow day.  Even though we had the 4th off- we mostly cleaned and tried to unpack and organize... of course with a 4 and 5 year old around-- the minute I get one corner organized, another whole room is destroyed!  But, it will eventually come together.

Today was Friday- and it was our day off.
 Kevin and I, for the first time, have the same day off!
The girls played so well for most of the day.  We all slept in and then Kevin even let me sleep in later!
I really needed it.  I was so very tired.  I had been at a hospital visit on Thursday by 6:30am and then went all day till past midnight.... it was so nice to rest!

When I woke up Kevin got my new laptop set up for me.  And I sat in the play room while the girls played and I commenced sermonizing. My plan for today had been that I would run errands related to camp and back to school with the girls, physicals, hair cuts, school supplies... and then take them to a cool play place where I could work and they could play.  But they just played and played and played so well!  And I just kept working and working on my sermon....that it was about 6pm by the time we got going!
Thankfully the sermon came!

We got haircuts, ate at Chick-fil-a, and proceeded to Wal-Mart where we greatly helped the economy tonight getting new purchases for the parsonage..... (most importantly a microwave!)

I live knowing that at all times and in all places-- I am a mom, a wife, a pastor....
I live knowing that God will call me to live in all these roles, at all times, and that God is always putting opportunities right in front of me.

Earlier today I had an email from my wonderful secretary who checked the voicemail at church and someone had called for assistance.
I hadn't had a chance to call her back.  So after dinner at Chick-fil-a, while the girls played in the playground area and Kevin watched them, I stepped out to call her.
Before I could call her I had another pastoral call come in.  I talked with this person, made plans, and prayed and then called the person back regarding assistance and left a message. 

We got kids in the car and headed to find the local Walmart.

On our way we stopped to get gas in Chester and passed a fellow standing on a corner with a sign that said, "Choose Jesus."
 It was about 99 degrees and he didn't look like he was glad.  
I wanted to know more about his story.  His hopes for standing there with his sign.  
No doubt this is an important ministry to him, otherwise,  he would not stand on the corner in such hot weather.  No doubt he feels called to this ministry.  I know he must have a story, even though I do not know it.  Maybe some day I will.   


 I do not often have good reactions to street corner preachers because I've experienced some who were cruel, who had a limited understanding of God's grace and poor theology....all except for the guy at the exit for Arkadelphia Rd. in Birmingham near Birmingham-Southern College who held a sign that said "Jesus Loves you"  and he used to jump up and down with joy and a smile so big just so glad to share the news, "JESUS LOVES YOU!"  He'd sing-shout it to everyone no matter what and we'd all beep and give him high fives!  

We drove to Walmart and a young woman was standing at the entrance of the shopping plaza with a sign, "Single Mom, Out of work, Anything helps."
Kevin and I talked about how we could help her and decided that we'd get her some groceries.  We got two carts and Sophia and I took care of getting things for the woman while Kevin started on our list.  Sophia and I took our cart and bought cereal, milk, bread, peanut butter, and jelly.  I was worried the milk would spoil b/c it was so hot.... We checked out and walked towards the plaza entrance.  As we were walking over, I explained to Sophia what we were doing and why. She looked up worried and said-- but Momma- I want to eat these Cheerios.  I reminded her that we had also gotten a box for us and already put it in Daddy's cart and that these were for this lady and her family.  We parked our cart by the piles of mulch and walked over.  Sophia eagerly asked to carry a bag-- so I gave her the bag with the bread and cereal.  We walked over and introduced ourselves, but before I could get any words out Sophia was saying, "We have some food for you! This is for you to eat!"  The woman was about my age and I could see the joy, weariness, and compassion in her eyes. She was a mother.  She was so kind to us.  I shared that I was sorry it wasn't more and invited her to my church where I hoped we could do more to help.  She did not live close to our church.  Sophia said, "Do you have three girls or three boys?"  (Where she got the idea of 3 I am not sure :)  They mother said, "I have two boys."  Sophia said, "I want to come play with them."  The mother said, "Maybe we'll come and play someday at your church."  We prayed blessings upon her and continue too.

I was so proud of Sophia and her compassion.  I was so thankful that we could help.
I keep thinking about where we were when we had our last move-- we put everything in the move up front and were to be reimbursed.... we had no money- less than $2.00 in our checking account.... and we found out our daughter Grace was on the way the day after moving in the parsonage. God blessed us then with so much food in the parsonage when we moved in!
Today we were given more produce from new friends in our church, we've been given so many blessings and so much bounty in these past weeks!  God has been so faithful and provided such generosity through people from our last church and our current churches!
I will indeed be writing Thank You notes every day for the rest of my life!
God has provided for us- and given us so many blessings -- that we overflow -- and can give out to others.

As I walked back to the Walmart to finish our shopping and meet up with Kevin and Grace I told Sophia how proud I was of her.
I looked down at my phone to call Kevin and find him in the huge store and noticed I had missed a call from the woman needing assistance.
I called her back and listened to her need while Sophia acted like a monster trying to devour my other hand! (I am so not kidding!)
Standing in an aisle parked at the Walmart I listened and sought to comfort a woman hoping to keep from eviction while Sophia was saying, "Arraghhh!  I'm going to EAT you!"
She understood.  We made plans to discuss things further and I was able to pledge an amount similar to what two other churches had done in order to assist her.
It was almost 9pm.

We found Kevin, found the rest of the things we needed- shower caddy, kitchen trash can, new tooth brush holder, assorted groceries... the random things that make life easier...

I reflect on this day and I can see God in so many places.

The friend who brought us such beautiful produce.
The women who cut Grace and Sophia's hair.
            Their haircuts looks so cute, but this is the shortest Sophia has had her hair-- she started to cry that she wanted it longer.  I said, "Just keep eating good fruits and vegetables and you'll grow."  So later at Walmart she said, "Mommy I'm going to eat good healthy food so I can grow big and strong and so my hair will grow long.  Just like you said."  Of course we pull up in the driveway at home and she says, "Mommy- I'm ready to each vegetables!  Give me vegetables!"   What kid says this?  I washed some fresh green beans for her and she ate them right up and wanted more!

I see God in the parents we laughed with at Chick-fil-a as our children did silly and cute things.
God was present as I sat outside the Chick-fil-a and prayed with someone on the phone.
God is present even in the street preacher, looking somber, holding his "Choose Jesus" sign.  I pray that he knows that Christ has already chosen all of us-- God loved us so much that he sent his son-- even while we were yet sinner, Christ died for us, I pray that he may come to understand God's grace for all is freely given. Even if our methods of evangelism differ, God is still here working it all out.

God was present when Kevin and I saw the young mother in need at the corner of the Walmart.
God gave us the ability to give to her.
God was with me as I spoke to a woman in need of assistance on the phone.
God was filling me with patience and joy to play with Sophia and to hear and listen to the woman on the phone.
God has blessed my church so that we can help those in need.
I am thankful that we'll be able to help keep someone from eviction.
I'm thankful that we do not do it alone, but we join with other churches and agencies who are helping our sisters and brothers in need.
I'm thankful for the bounty of produce I've made room for in my fridge!
I'm thankful for the pieces of green beans I found in the hallway tonight as Sophia must have tossed them while seeking to eat the peas inside...

God is so faithful and so present....always.
God was with me and Kevin in the joy of new adventures as we laughed over him putting the new shower caddy together!
God is in so many places- all places and all the time!
God is good ! All the time!
I'm thankful for eyes to see, ears to hear, and a family that responds to God's call no matter where we are and what we are doing.

It makes for a really adventurous life... but I don't think I'd want it any other way.

Boxes and moving chaos still abounds.. and it will eventually go.

Experiencing life by loving and serving God's people-- I pray that never leaves me....

Lord, give me courage to see and accept the opportunities to serve and share your love in all places and at all times.  Give me wisdom to know how to respond in ways that are safe and helpful, in ways that are uplifting, in ways that empower, and in ways that honor others.  I pray that everyone may know your love, may be washed in your wholeness,and lifted out of pain and into your peace.  In the name of Jesus who can do all things, Amen.