Nights Like This

On the nights when the anxiety rages and roars

On the nights when she hits and kicks and punches

               The walls, Herself, Us

On the nights she screams

             Words of hate and harm

On these nights 

I just breathe.

I pray.

I tell him to take her sister out of the room

I tell her how much we love her.

I tell her we are here.

I try to remind her of who she is.

I get her to her room.

She rages and I pray for rest to come.

I wrap my arms around her, but I am pushed away.

I just sit.

And I stay.

I am here. 

I am not going anywhere.

I love you.

You are not alone.

I whisper and pray these words

Until she is fully asleep.

I lay my hand on her back and thank God for her breaths.

Keep breathing in her Lord.

We are on a journey we did not ask for.

But this is where we are.

And we are All in.

Nothing will separate us from God's love.

We will be sustained.

Nothing will stop our love for our girl.

And we believe

That not even this monster that rages

            A monster that thrives and triggers

            A monster that tries to steal our child

This monster of mental illness will not win.

She is stronger.

We are stronger.
Our faith is stronger. 

Her faith is stronger.

God is here.