When the Dam Breaks

Recently, I've asked for prayers for our daughter Grace.

Our daughter has struggled with anxiety for the past two years.

At the time, I resigned from serving on Conference Boards and committees, so I could be more available to help her.

We had many nights, where we prayed and prayed for God to lead us and help us comfort her, guide her, calm her and give her all she needed to be happy and successful.

We found a great counselor and learned tools for our toolbox and triggers of her anxiety.

We had her evaluated by teachers and her pediatrician for ADD/ ADHD knowing my husband struggled with ADHD throughout his childhood.

At that time ADD was ruled out and the Dr said he saw anxiety and suggested we could begin medication, or simply continue with counseling.  We chose to continue with counseling.

Then, this summer we moved.

The tools in our tool box didn't always work.

By October, we saw clearly that we needed more help- more tools, and a bigger toolbox.

We began to seek the help of doctors and therapists.

Looking back, the best description I can have is that for the past few years, there has been a dam that was leaking-- and the leaks were the anxiety we saw and sought to manage.

Shortly after Halloween, the dam burst.

And all kinds of things that had never been present, were now present.

A journey we started a few years ago has become more clear and more complex all at once.

Over the last month, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, pediatricians and soon to be more doctors, occupational therapists, and who knows who else will help us learn more of how we can help our daughter navigate all that we now are dealing with.

In addition to anxiety, she has now been diagnosed with ADHD and depression.

We have been so thankful for so much love and support from friends, family, our church.

We share about what's going on freely and without stigma.

Our daughter has learned that anxiety, depression, ADHD are all medical, neurological, biological conditions that are not unlike other health conditions.

We have so appreciated the many people who have offered meals, presence, and support.

When I've shared the metaphor of the dam that leaked and has now broken-- some kind and caring folks have responded by saying, "Well, you all will help her rebuild the dam."  I wasn't offended.... trust me-- genuine care and concern will never offend me.

                                                                  The dam isn't coming back.

But we are no longer sinking, drowning, or treading water... although there are days it can feel like that.

We've been holding on to the life rafts.

We have sought to find what was the trigger or triggers that led to this bursting dam. There isn't one.... and perhaps it is just that it held together for awhile and then... no longer could.

                                                       No, we won't be rebuilding the dam.

But we will be building a ship - indeed, an aircraft carrier would do nicely.
One that can help her launch into the world knowing that she has everything she needs to be successful, joyful, and her best self.

We often talk about how it takes a village - it isn't just a saying, it is true

It take the Body of Christ.

It takes every single one of us.

I cannot stop thanking God for the kindness and love everyone has given us.

I cannot stop praising God for the love, grace, comfort, and light God steadfastly gives to lead through each day, sometimes it is each hour....

I called one of my best friends yesterday and said, "Please tell me its going to get easier."

She said, "It may not get easier.... But I can promise you I'm here with you."

I have felt this love and support from so many.

We are not alone.

This year, I need Advent more than ever.

This year, I know so fully the Incarnation-- I know God is with us and has come for us.

This year,  we clamor for the light more expectant than ever-- for we have been walking in deeper darkness than we've ever faced.

But Christ has come and will come again.

The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not and will never overcome it.

Thanks be to God for the light that shines,
the hope that conquers fear,
the peace that calms our restlessness,
the joy that sustains all,
and the love of Christ which binds us together.

The Long View

This prayer was posted in a clergywomen's group I'm in tonight and it gave me great peace.  

It's called the Romero prayer, but written by Bishop Ken Untener. 

 I pray that it will remind you of who you are and fill you with grace as it has for me today. 

Tomorrow my sermon is "Who We Are" and this prayer was a great way to ground me as I prepared for tomorrow. 

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view. 

The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent
enterprise that is God's work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of
saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said.

No prayer fully expresses our faith.

No confession brings perfection.

No pastoral visit brings wholeness.

No program accomplishes the Church's mission.

No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about.

We plant the seeds that one day will grow.

We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.

We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.

This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.

It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an
opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master
builder and the worker.

We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.

We are prophets of a future not our own.

--------Bishop Ken Untener of Saginaw 

Lord, Have Mercy. Christ, Have Mercy.

This week began as my first full week serving a church filled with amazing people.

  I've been doing a lot of listening.  I've been doing a lot of praying.  I've been trying to get my office organized, catch up on sermon planning, meet tons of new people, provide opportunities for fun for 2 girls, and keep everything--everything up.  

Every day I have no idea how the day finished already.  

Each day has been full and usually 12-14 hours of non stop work.  

God is in it all.  But I've been tired at the end of each day.  Exhausted. 

I am barely getting "it all done" (really-- not at all)  and I have not kept up with the world.  

I see updates on my phone and I breathe and pray and keep going and later... I lay in bed at 1 and 2 am after the day's work is done(or at least stopped) I read about the atrocities in the world with my heart breaking.  

And I fall asleep praying.  

  Knowing God is real and here in the world. 

   Knowing God doesn't get exhausted like I do.
And I pray. Lord, Have Mercy. Christ, Have Mercy.

That's all I've got. For now.  And I just have to let it be enough. 

My prayers are enough.,.for now.   

I haven't been making speeches or writing great blogs - I have amazing friends who are doing this needed and prophetic work.  But all I could do in this week was pray-- and keep being there for my church in this new time. 

I pray. 

I pray about what I know and I pray about all I don't know. 

I haven't cried this week about the injustices of this world because I haven't let myself feel it all. 

I'm not trying to be numb.... I have just felt so much already. 

In a new appointment - I feel like a sponge- and I am soaking it all in..... and I just have no more room.  

But.... I can't not know--- I can't not care.  I can't not feel. 

But I just can't respond to it all right now. 

It doesn't mean I don't care. 

It doesn't mean my silence is a condoning of injustice. 

It just means- I'm doing all I can right now.  

My prayers are not any less real when they aren't posted on Facebook. 

And yet- as a pastor- as a public theologian- I have a responsibility to lead, to bear witness, to equip, to encourage, to speak out, to call out injustice, to comfort the broken, and to always, always, always share the good news. 

So today- finally on the first Sabbath day I've had-- I let my focus be on uninterrupted time time with my husband.  I really needed it.  I am so thankful for him.  We caught up on the week and on what we've been feeling and thinking.  And together we caught up on the world and the news.  And then I gave myself some silence from the world.  

And now I have the energy to respond publicly-- rather than in the late night silence after my exhaustion, but now from a place of Sabbath renewal. 

And now.... now I weep. 

With my newfound energy from this day-- I weep. 

Tears and prayers and anger and fear and sadness and hope and worry and tears and prayers and no words—no words—and no words are adequate.

I pray for Alton Sterling.

I pray for Philando Castile.

I pray for the five officers who lost their lives in senseless violence protecting their community:

Brent Thompson

Patrick Zamarripa

Michael Krol

Michael Smith

Lorne Ahrens

I pray and I pray and I pray.

And often my prayers are wordless-because I have no words and I need no words—for the Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.

I pray.

I am praying for a day when fear no longer rules.

           For the day when peace reigns.

           For the day when love is our primary response.

  I am praying for an end to violence,

      For hope to invade.

      For compassion to lead.

      For love to ignite every heart.



I am praying for our prayers to turn into changed hearts, opened minds, and a transformed world. 
I am praying for our prayers to create conversations where there is now chaos. 
I am praying for our prayers to turn confusion into clarity. 
I am praying for our prayers to turn prejudice into peace. 



Please pray with me and for me.
Pray I can be present for all the people I need and want to be present for.
Pray I will rest when I need to rest.
Pray I will do what I need to do when I need to do it.
Pray I will listen when I need to listen and speak when I need to speak.
Pray that this Sunday I will have the courage to lead as God is calling me to lead.

Amen.

Lent: A New Normal ----Our life, or new life in Christ

Recently I was asked, “Why does Easter move anyway?” 

I knew I had learned this at one time, but I also knew I did not remember. 

Other than knowing it had something to do with the moon, I could not articulate my answer. 

We know the date for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and St. Patrick ’s Day—but Easter, well that one moves.

Here is the short answer: 

Easter falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox, unless the full moon falls on a Sunday, then it is delayed a week.

Is your head hurting yet?

The vernal equinox is the Spring Equinox- March 21. 

March 22 is the earliest Easter can occur on any given year, and April 25 is the latest.

You may be wondering, as I did, just how this formula got put into place.

Easter and Passover

Easter was once determined by the date of Passover.

Jesus celebrated Passover with his disciples.

Passover celebrates how the Israelites, when slaves in Egypt, were protected by the blood of the lamb across their doorways, as death passed over them during the plague.  Because of the blood of the lamb they were protected and liberated.  God saved them and brought them to freedom through the sea. 

That Passover meal became the Last Supper where Jesus instituted the sacrament Holy Communion.

Here in this meal Jesus shared the new covenant offering forgiveness, love, and grace.  In the New Covenant Jesus shared a four part blessing—he took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to his disciples. 

His life was taken, blessed, broken, and given so that we would have new life in this new covenant, forgiven, and made new.  

Jesus became the Paschal Lamb, whose blood would protect us, free us, and lead us to new life. 

On that night Jesus was betrayed and the next day he was crucified and on the third day he rose again.

 In this way, Easter is connected theologically to Passover.

A Little History

But the date became no longer dependent upon Passover at the Council of Nicaea.

This was the first ecumenical gathering of the Christian Church where the church uniformly came together to agree upon doctrine which is articulated in the Nicaean Creed.

At this meeting the Church also argued over the reliability of dating mechanisms and chose to no longer use the Jewish Calendar  to determine Easter.  Instead they began to calculate the date using the Julian Calendar whereby the date would be calculated using the date from spring equinox so that Easter would be the first Sunday following the full moon after the spring equinox. 

The Church continued this practice calculating Easter with the Julian Calendar until the 1500’s when the church realized that their reliance on this calendar was causing them to incorrectly date the spring equinox (the spring equinox is the one day in spring when there is exactly 12 hours of sunlight and 12 hours of darkness).

The Julian calendar assumes the year is exactly 365.25 days long. Unfortunately, the actual solar year is slightly shorter (it is 365.242199 days to be exact). Although the difference appears minor, it can add up over the centuries. In fact, every 129 years, the Julian calendar slipped one additional day out of synchronization with the actual solar year.

So if the date for Easter was off- then Lent, Ash Wednesday, Pentecost would so be off.

To correct this, Pope Gregory XIII, issued a papal bull in 1582 that resulted in several calendar revisions, the most important being the creation of the Gregorian calendar. [i] 

The Western Church decided to use a Gregorian Calendar system, while the Easter Orthodox continued to use a Julian Calendar.   So the date for Easter, for the Roman Catholic Church and Protestant Church continues to be set using this calculation, while the Eastern Orthodox Church continues to use the Julian Calendar.

Who is Easter Really About?

However the Church has begun to talk about creating a set date for Easter .  The Archbishop of Canterbury has said that it would help schools and families to arrange terms and holidays. [ii]

Having a set date certainly would help us arrange our schedules and plan our lives.  And I’m definitely glad that the spring break in Chesterfield County falls the week after Easter this year, rather than the week of Holy Week, so that families can worship through the week at church on Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter. 

Yet, something in me finds the fact that Easter moves a good thing. 

The purpose of Lent is for us to refocus and stop putting ourselves first, to repent and believe the Gospel remembering that we are dust and it is Christ who give us life—new life! 

Moving Easter for our convenience, seems to me to contrary to the reason for Lent.

Perhaps when Easter messes up our schedules, it is a good thing. 

We have to repent and reorient ourselves.

 Every year, we have to ask ourselves, “When is Easter?”  And perhaps that may become the start of our Lenten practice? Have our habits and spiritual disciplines become old, worn, rote even?

When is Easter and how can we reorient our lives to be in line with the meaning of Easter, rather than move Easter be in line with our desires. 

Jesus Christ comes and makes everything new!

When the date of Easter changes each year—we have to shift and be made new.  

Nothing stays the same, except for the steadfast love of God. 

We drift away filing our lives with our plans and our purposes. 

We create our life, and in so doing we forget how Christ gave His life for us.

Easter this year is on March 27, and the 40 days leading to this day begin Lent.

On February 9, I hope to see you for Shrove Tuesday as we begin putting Christ first in our schedule and plans and walking with our Savior first in our schedule.

The next day, February 10 is Ash Wednesday, we will place the ashes burnt from last Palm Sunday’s palms as the sign of the cross on our heads, humbling ourselves, remembering who we are- from ashes we came and from ashes will we return, and knowing that when we repent and believe the Gospel we have new life.  We will offer a Children’s Ash Wednesday Service at 6:30 and a Traditional Ash Wednesday Service at 7:30 so that people of all ages are able to experience and understand the power of this humbling service.

  

Each Wednesday throughout Lent we will offer Lenten Lunches at noon at church.  We will have be having a time of fellowship sharing in soup and bread and then we will worship together. 

The First Sunday of Lent is February 14 and we will begin our Lenten Series “A New Normal.”  We begin our “New Normal” series recommitting ourselves and renewing our covenant in line with the New Covenant Jesus offers. 

February 14 is also Valentine’s Day! 

Could your relationship use a new normal-- a revival of the heart- a re- commitment and      renewal?  Following the 11:00am worship service we will offer an opportunity for couples to Renew the Covenant of their Marriage. We will have extended childcare on this day and we invite all couples, whether you have been marred 40 years or 4 years to not only recommit your lives to Christ in this worship service, but also recommit to the covenant of your marriage. 

Christ has come with a New Covenant, New Wineskins, New Birth, New Commandment, a New Understanding, a New Kingdom, and New Life!   

I pray that throughout this Lent we will all take the opportunity to develop a New Normal in Christ Jesus our Savior! 

In God’s Love, Grace, and Peace

Pastor Beth

---

[i] The new Gregorian calendar had an extra day in those years that were divisible by 4 (just like the old Julian calendar), but unlike the Julian calendar, it did not add an additional day in years that were divisible by 100, unless the year was also divisible by 400. Thus, under the Gregorian calendar, the years 1700, 1800 and 1900 were not leap years, but the years 1600 and 2000 were leap years.

• To make up for the errors in the old Julian calendar, ten days were omitted from the new Gregorian calendar. Thus, Thursday, 4 October 1582 in the old Julian calendar was immediately followed by Friday, 15 October 1582 in the new Gregorian calendar.

[ii] http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/world/the-times/churches-unite-to-seek-a-fixed-date-for-easter/news-story/504f1ebef5b5678cd6302fd637f61cd0

Prayer for Preachers before Christmas Eve

I am a perfectionist, I know that.  But who do I think I am? 

It's not up to me. It's not about me. 

I found myself stressing and trying to write the perfect plays, perfect sermons, the perfect liturgy, the words and prayers that would change hearts and move people to know Christ.  

Who Do I think I am??? 

It's Christmas!  Jesus is showing up! 

It is not about me and it is not up to me. 

SO - I wrote this so I would remember my place. 

Humble me Lord Jesus, to do your will- nothing more, nothing less.  

Lord Jesus, It is not up to me.

On the biggest night of the year when the people come.

It is not up to me.

You will bring them.

Your Spirit will pour out.

It is not up to me.

You will work Lord Jesus.

You already have.

 And you will.

It is not up to me.

To change their hearts, to make them respond,

To bring light to their darkness or free them from burdens.

You have.

Come, Lord Jesus Come.

You already have.

And you will once again.

Come , Lord Jesus Come.

Melt me, mold me, use me.

Ignite me to shine.

Ignite us all.

Come Lord Jesus Come.

Shine in us this Christmas Eve.

Once again, be born in us.

Amen. 

Holy Ground

Today in Preschool Chapel I talked with the children about holy ground. They came in and were so quiet, shy, sweet, and curious.  

After we learned each other's names we talked about the name of the room we were in "The Sanctuary" - a special place where we come to pray, to thank God to know God and then go to do what God wants us to do.

We learned about Moses today and how God called him

 "God called Moses and Moses said 'Here I am'"  We come to here to the sanctuary because God calls us and we say, "Here we are."

"God told Moses to take off his shoes (I slip off my shoes to show them)  because he was standing on Holy Ground-  today we are all going to keep our shows on   "Can everyone say holy."   HOLY  "That means it is special and sacred.  God told Moses- I want you to go help my people.  Moses was scared but God said you can do it because I will be with you.  We come here to be still and hear in this sacred special place of the sanctuary to know what God wants us to do. We can do what God wants because God will always be with us."

 I taught them about acolytes and how we light the candles first thing to remember God is with us just like God was with Moses in the fire.  How God is our light to guide the way.  "The acolyte comes down the aisle and bows just like Moses did- can you bow- (we all bow) and we light the candles."

  Standing up at the altar one boy said, "What is that X that's turned around up there?"

I pointed to the cross- "Does anyone know what this is called?"

No one knew.

I said, "This is a cross.  When we look at it we remember that God loves us.
 Can everyone say that with me: "God loves me!"  We all said it together.

 "When we see this cross we remember all God has done for us and all God keeps doing for us.

Walking behind the altar to point at the stained glass window.

This is Jesus.  Who is Jesus holding?  All the kids say: "A Baby!"  "Jesus loves all the children and Jesus loves you! Can you see that this is the biggest window in our church?  It is important to know that Jesus loves you very much! The church is where you come and learn about Jesus and how He loves you!"

Sitting back down I look at the boy who asked me about the turned around X, "I am so glad you asked that question!"  Looking at all of the children, "Asking questions is so important because that is how we learn!  When you have a question, can you please raise your hand?"

My little questioner says, "Yes and you know if it's really important you can raise both hands!"
Me: "That is a great idea!"

Now I want to sing a song with you called "Jesus Loves Me!"   Has anyone hear this song before?
1 child raises their hand.

Well, if you don't know it it's okay--we're also going to learn the sign language so that we can know it in our head and heart.

We sing-- There faces just lit up.  One boy, in my second class (I did one preschool class at a time) who had stayed close to his teacher turned toward me while we sang.

Before we go, we're going to have a prayer together.  Have you prayed before?

My sweet question boy, "Yep. ... I only pray on Sundays."
"That is awesome!"
"And, did you know you can pray every day too?"

Ms. Joan, "How about we sing a song about what days we can pray?"
We sing together a song of all the days of the week!

We pray:  Dear God, Thank you for this day.  Thank you for my school.  Thank you for my teacher.  Thank you for my friends.  Thank you for loving me.  Help me to know you are always with me, Amen."

I say A - long a- Amen and a little girl says, "Should we say amen (long a) or amen (short a)?"

"You can say it both ways!"

But how about we learn one more song- and this one is clapping song-- we sing it at the end of church here and it goes like this, "Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen"
The kids happily clap and sing!

We had a giant group hug and they said Thank you for Chapel and off they went.

It was a great morning!  How awesome to welcome children into God's love!

This afternoon I get to go offer worship to some of God's children who are older at the Crossings at Ironbridge for the 4th Thursday Worship Service there.

God is good!

Thoughts on Abortion, Humanity, and the Damage of Distance

After being submerged in sermon planning and then traveling back home for a Visitation and Funeral- I'm finally catching up on the news that broke earlier this week about Planned Parenthood.

People ask me all the time about controversial issues and what the church thinks about everything from Energy Policy, Israel and Palestine, Human Sexuality, Gambling, and Abortion-- you name a controversial topic- people want to talk about it.
 And we should.
            We should not be afraid to talk about hard things.

Karl Barth said we should preach with the bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other.

When I walked into the chapel at Birmingham- Southern College I read the United Methodist Social Principles and I thought, "WOW!  Here's a church that is not afraid to talk and live and act in a way that says- we care what happens in the world."

You can read more about the United Methodist Social Principles here.  We don't all agree on all of these principles-- what's important is that we allow our faith to respond and guide us to be in both conversation and action with the world.  We also understand that many of these issues are not easy to talk about and they are not always black and white.


 United Methodists have a history of speaking up and acting on issues of social justice.  We don't only talk- we do.  We care about the world and we refuse to idly sit by waiting to die.  Our theology is grounded in an understanding that God's grace has  poured love into our lives and so we respond to the love of God intentionally by living in loving relationship with Christ and others.  What we do - works of piety, works of mercy, works of justice-- flow from our response to God's grace and the stirring of the Holy Spirit.

Well, I am stirred up tonight.
 I should be sleeping- I was exhausted when I began reading and watching videos of the news that broke this week.

We're meant to be engaged with the world- not hide from it.
And when we get engaged with what's going on- we wake up.

So I'm awake right now... even though I should probably get some rest soon.

In 2001 I spent a month in Mozambique working on building the foundation of a school in Cambine with my college.  As the Chronicler for our trip I was able to visit two hospitals- one was funded only by the government and the other received both government funding and funding from The United Methodist Church.  The first hospital lacked separate wards for people with TB, HIV, for women and children.  Some people did not have beds- many were on the floor- the pharmacy was mostly empty.  There were many hard things to see.  There were two women dying from infection after having back alley abortions.  They had more children than they could count or even feed.  They were not allowed access to birth control.  Their husbands raped them repeatedly and thought of this as their right.  I ached for them and the tragedy of their lives.  Their children would soon be orphaned.
The hospital funded by the United Methodist Church in Chicuque    was drastically different with beautiful separate wards, a decorated children's section, equipment, and much more.  I was and am so proud to be part of a connectional church that makes places like this possible through apportionments and our united work together.

If you've seen Dirty Dancing- you've seen the terrible scene where Penny has had an illegal abortion and barely survives.

For many reasons- there are women who feel they have no other option.  I believe that we can do better. If we really care-- we need to help women early and help them know that there are more options.  I believe in our country there are safe ways women can obtain the services of a safe abortion, but my hope is that we can do all we can to make this rare.

Ed Stetzer points out in his article from Christianity Today:
"In 1992, President Clinton talked about making abortion "safe, legal, and rare."

I believe we need to work on truly making it rare.

What if the church loved so deeply--  more than words... kind of love-- love with actions and resources and hospitality?  What if every woman had people around her to love her and let her know, "I'm with You" to such a degree that she knew she would not be judged for her pregnancy or her choices?  That she would be loved no matter which option she chose concerning her pregnancy- and that she'd never be alone.

I believe proponents against abortion begin with good reasons, yet often speak too much about what not to do and lack follow-through and action on how to care for unwanted children. Yelling at women walking into a clinic does nothing to help this cause and lacks compassion for the woman (likely frightened and stressed) who likely does not want to be there.

I believe proponents who speak in favor of choice are not pro-abortion, but I believe the lack of action at working to make this choice be not just safe and legal- -but one that women choose rarely is a travesty.

Life is sacred. The life and well being of a mother and the life and well being of an unborn child. 


There is much that Planned Parenthood does that has nothing to do with abortion.  They help many families have access to family planning, they provide cancer screenings, they provide a great deal of education.

I am completely disgusted at the video of Deborah Nucatola which you can see in numerous places, but I believe first released via The Washington Post.  

I am sure she does not represent all of Planned Parenthood and I appreciate the shared disgust of her lack of compassion and economical way she spoke about real people and real lives given shared by Cecile Richard's official video response from Planned Parenthood.

I'm not only disgusted.  I'm outraged that someone whose sole purpose in that moment should be the care and well being of a troubled woman- would be focused not on her well being- but on how to best harvest the organs of her fetus. I'm enraged that it appears her day was focused on how many of what specimens she needed rather than the women she was there to care and serve

 Her use of technical language has clearly distanced her and she has forgotten her own humanity.  She's made things so clinical, that she has forgotten compassion.

I am angry.

In the midst of this I seek grace to know where God can lead us now.
In the midst of this I confess my own distancing of the world so I don't have to feel all the feelings you feel when you love authentically.

I think we do this with our language all the time - it may not be clinical language- but it comes in all different ways and it makes us forget who we are and how we are meant to live all the while distancing and masking our true selves.

We call people who are a stranger in a foreign land- "illegals" and we forget their humanity.
We divide people into camps of GLBTQ Allies or homophobes and we forget their humanity.
We slap labels - progressive, liberal, conservative, tradistionalist.... and we forget our humanity.
We call Black Men -thugs-- and forget their humanity.

Rather than deal with language, vulnerability, privilege, and power-- we simply allow ourselves to separate out until we forget that we are meant to love one another.  We get farther and farther away. Distance does damage.

Early church Father-  Dorotheus said, "The closer we are to God, the closer we are to one another.  And the closer we are to one another, the Closer we are to God."  We're losing a lot when we forget to see one another as sisters and brothers made in the image of a loving God who wants us to love-- to love at all times, but especially in our brokenness.

I'm angry Deborah Nucatola became so very distanced from the reality of humanity and became so immersed into a black and white reality of clinical cruelty.  I pray that she may recover her humanity to speak to and about others as real people.

I'm also angry that I'm part of a culture that contributed to her distancing herself.  She slipped away.  No one starts off this way-- but they can fall--- further and further into compassionate oblivion.  No one noticed her lack of compassion-- no one held her accountable to caring.  We have to do better.

So what do we do?

I believe we need to wake up.

I believe accountability and justice must occur.

We need to pay more attention, care deeper, come closer.

We've got to do better at keeping our connection to God and one another not only in tact but strong and growing so we don't forget our humanity or that of others.  That starts in community with the vulnerable hard work of asking, "How is it with your soul?"

Those in the medical field should have check-in's with counselors and therapist to make sure that they are still seeing patients as people and not consumers.
Police are already required to undergo psychological testing and compassion/empathy training.
There are checks and balances developed so that soldiers aren't put back in the field when they aren't ready.
Clergy in the UMC undergo a thorough ordination process so that toxic people aren't ordained and do damage.

Even with these kind of checks balances in these professions and others- people still act out, do wrong, and lack compassion.

But we're failing when we're not working hard as a community of faith- to care for one another in ways that counteract desires to draw away and become distant.

We need to deal with each other- not grow distant.

We need to love enough that everyone remembers how to love.

Prayer for a Mammogram

 Lord, be with me as I walk into the room.  Clothe me in your comfort as I take off my clothes and put on the dinky hospital gown with the snaps that confuse me.  Put your words in the mouths of the nurses, technicians, and doctors who see me.  When I walk in the room with the giant machine let me lift my eyes up to you and not this machine of torture used for good.  As parts of me that you created are smooshed into ways you did not create them to be, release the anxiety from me and vanquish the fear.  I’m not so worried, Lord about the pain of being smooshed… I fear all that comes later.  Breathe this fear out of me. When it’s all over and the dinky robe goes in the laundry bin, continue to clothe me in courage, grace, and the undeniable truth that you are with me.  Amen.

Prayer of a Pastor in Advent

O Lord my God

I am so very tired.

Everywhere I look there is work for me to do.

When I rest I wake refreshed for a moment and then feel guilt.

There is so much to do.

I want time. 

And I know you have given it to me.

Forgive me.

I cannot do all the things.

And even worse I cannot do the things I know I should do.

There seems to be no energy in me.

I long for you and the sustenance I know you give.

I pour myself out with hope to serve you.

I wait longingly for rest.

I know hope and I know joy are coming.

Forgive me and help me forgive me.

I pray others will forgive me when I cannot live up to all I should be.

I pray you will wipe away the shoulds from my life.

Forgive my failures. 

Free me to serve without fear.

Release me from the bondage of all I do not know, my fear of unknown, my worry, my desire to fix all I cannot fix.

Let me rest in you.
Come, Lord Jesus, Come.
I am waiting for you to come and 

shine in me with radiant energy so that I may serve you.

Use me and let my life be, my call be, let me be,  used according to your will.

Amen.  

Thoughts on Hospitality

I’ve learned that hospitality is risky.

  I have to risk vulnerability, rejection, judgment, dismissal.  

  Hospitality means that I desire connection with another.  I desire that we will connect, that we will love one another as sisters and brothers in Christ.  

Hospitality is full of hope and anticipation for what God may do in our relationships.  

The hope that I may open myself willingly to others and that they would receive me and reciprocate.  The hope that in reaching out my heart will grow in connecting with others.  

Anticipation is not the same as expectation.  Anticipate does not know what will happen but welcomes the newness and unknowing with joy.  Expectation defines what I want to happen.  Expectation is not necessarily bad, in fact I think it’s really good to have clear expectations for many things.  

Yet, I’m not sure expectation has any role in hospitality. 

  I’ve been thinking that expectations in hospitality and in offering myself to others, in offering space to others, in opening myself to the world—just seem to be unhelpful.  Either I limit what God will do or become disappointed and hurt by others.  If I am truly offering hospitality—wouldn’t it mean that I do not have an expectation of them?  Wouldn’t it mean that I put it out there and let it go?  I can still hold to anticipation, but perhaps I should stop expecting others to react, respond, reciprocate in various ways.  It seems like true hospitality must be without expectation because it has to allow space for the Spirit to bring comfort, change, peace,… whatever is needed.  How can someone feel truly welcomed if they feel they are expected to be a certain way?

Perhaps the only expectation for hospitality is the expectation of authenticity.  Yet even that can be hard for people. 

  Do expectations force people to be certain ways?  As in, “I have to be authentic because she wants me to be?” 

I always go back to the tattered notebook paper which had Nouwen’s definition of hospitality written in black marker that hung in my office as a missionary:  “Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer space where change can take place.”

Even this expects something—a change.

Reminds me of chemistry- which I was horrible at but had a teacher who tireless worked  with me and worked so hard but just struggled so…. But chemistry always has a reaction.  Things come together and you expect a reaction to occur.

If the hospitality I offer—is open, selfless, just an offering of myself  and what I have--  can I want a reaction? 

  Sometimes we want healing, we want reconciliation, we want a growing deeper, we want a movement forward...

Most always wanting connection – certainly grounded in my extroversion. (yes there are times I want to just sit in bed and do nothing and be with no one, or walk in the woods with just me and my dogs... but I feel as though I have a yearning, an urgency to be connected -- not for the sake of being connected but connected with the purpose of sharing Christ.) 

I value connection with others.  I value connecting with them as people, as children of God—we may have nothing in common—but somewhere, somehow we are connected…  and that must mean something.  

Perhaps that is the one thing we have in common and from there—couldn't something grow deeper? 

Certainly we will not be connected to everyone in the same way – the same depth—but something of hospitality and connecting with others must be this purpose, this power- in seeing and saying, “I see you. And in seeing you I acknowledge that you and I have been created and we have the possibility of unity."

(wasn't there something like this in that movie where people were blue?)

 The possibility of unity is not something for us to work at or make happen- but for us to listen deeply enough to hear God speak, to be still enough to feel the Spirit move, to in some way realize that we have both been redeemed and made new by the same Christ who lived for me and you and died for me and for you and rose for me and for you.

Hospitality opens the door to connection and yet connection does not mean “I like you” or “I agree with you.”  

But somewhere it must mean I value you.  I value who you are, I value that you were made for a purpose.  I value that you have gifts.  Inherently, hospitality must honor another person.  

Honor who they are as different from me and honor who we are together as connected with me. 

  Honor seems to be a way of loving the child of God that is in you—The Christ in me sees the Christ in you—and as children of the kingdom/kin-dom connected through the blood of Christ – we are family and we love one another. 

How do we live this hospitality?  Seeking connection, forsaking expectation, hoping with anticipation, open for God’s presence to dwell with us so that we are freed from fear, so that we can truly be our authentic self, with the hope that connection will be birthed?

For so much of who I am, I believe this to be my deepest longing.  Not to run and retreat from others even when the world has been hurtful… but to experience the truth of what I know must be possible because of Christ.

Christ came for all the world and died for all the world. 

  The World is my Parish. 

At Pentecost the reality of unity was experienced— All Speaking different languages, and yet the Spirit made them One. 

Hospitality- Connection—Honor- - Unity 

A Call, A Confession, and A Covenant seeking Unity

These are my thoughts and hopes for the church--

In a world where divisiveness is rampant, there is little to model unity and we believe the church is being called to reveal to the world a way to move forward in the midst of difference.  

While resolutions are being put forward to change the wording in the Book of Discipline, and statements are being made suggesting schism,  we desire to create plans and possibilities for moving forward even without complete resolution and agreement.  Yet still moving forward in the messiness of theology- in the messiness of what it means to be church.   And are we yet alive?  We believe we are and can continue to be.  

How can we inspire and share with others that even in all of this, it is still worth it to be this messy, imperfect, Body of Christ, that may muddle through and loving one another especially when it is hard to do so?  How can we reveal that we do not give up- that church is not just an idea, but a reality of people who come together to love not because it is easy, but because the Holy Spirit makes it possible and our lives are richer for it.   How can we reveal the kingdom of God when we are so focused on our own animosity and disagreements?

We do not argue over how we understand the trinity, the divinity of Jesus, the mystery of the sacraments, the truth of the resurrection- why should we debate this? These were Wesley's essentials, if we cannot think alike we can love alike and "if your heart is with my heart, take my hand." 

We confess that we have failed to listen to one another and we have allowed our egos to rule, rather than our hearts.  Too often, we seek to be right, rather than to learn.  We seek to claim who is on God’s side rather than to love.  We repent of our earthly desire to win debates, and ask God to help us love one another even when we do not agree.  We commit to pray for God to work through us to create a third way where we may be one in unity in the midst of our differences.

We covenant together  to Love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul and with all our strength and with all our mind and to love our neighbor as we love our selves, not because we agree with our neighbor, but  because we were Created by love to love,  Jesus calls us to love, and the Holy Spirit empowers and equips us to love.  

We covenant to focus our time and energy on the mission Jesus Christ has given us to make disciples and to transform the world.