Friday, March 2, 2012

Being Enough

Tonight, as I worked on bills, as I did some great growing in conversations, as I listened to the whispers of God-- this came....

I sat back, exhausted, worried, anxious, running figures....thinking about way too many things... and God whispered....

"there really is enough. All will be well.

I'll get you through this, and the next thing-- and all that comes after that.

My grace is sufficient and you are are my child.

You are enough.

There will be enough.

All will be well."

This isn't about just about the financial worries and stress that we (all people?--I'm not sure all people feel this but I think most do) I feel it--- I worry about scarcity- in finances, but also in me... will I handle all that is happening now--all that is coming at me? How will I get through it?

I won't - not alone....

Some people grew up being affirmed and feeling strong and knowing they could do anything. Being challenged and growing in these places-- but with a healthy sense of self. This can be good.

Some people grow up being told they are not good enough.

Some people grow up with both.

It kind of depends on who surrounds you- healthy, centered, functional folks--abusive, negative folks.... (Most of all of us can be both -- broken and whole and messed up and in between....)

I had both growing up.

Sometimes, it seems, it feels like the loud, abusive people leave marks -- sometimes physical- a lot emotional. And sometimes they don't go away easily.

I've struggled a lot in my life with the concept of enough. Wanting to be enough- for me, for others, for God even. Wanting to prove it- to show that I'm good-- I'm good enough...

At this point in my life- I've had a good 15 years of healthy work-- learning, growing, working through this... Wonderful people, amazing pastoral counselors, spiritual directors, pastors, friends, my incredible husband, and so many amazing friends-- all of these people I believe were put in my path by God-- have added to me growing in God's grace-- loving God, loving others, loving myself--seeing abundance.

I also strive to find the balance between what is enough and what is extravagance- yearning for simplicity in my life.

Enough is a huge concept- covering a lot (lots of books written about it) Perhaps there is a sermon series in me for this some time....

I think we always worry that we're not enough when we're faced with really really tough things.

We can really doubt ourselves-- its like darkness tries to move into the light of our lives.

It tries to take over.

But I believe God's light is stronger. And that light lives in you. It is poured in you and poured over you.

I love the word for the pouring out of the Holy Spirit-- epiklesis-- God is just pouring out...

I heard Kirk Byron Jones say, "There's too much glory not to notice."

Notice the glory.

Notice it in God and all around you.

But notice it in you too.

And know this


And When things feel really tough

Or at least God is.

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. (Philippians 4:13)

1 comment:

Tim Courington said...

You are a blessing. Thanks for leading and caring, for listening and sharing.