It was not my best moment.
I had asked her about five times.
She had them in her hand and I had likely gotten distracted.
I was in a hurry.
I wanted to get things done.
Why do I do this? Why do I let chronos time dictate?
Why can't I be more gentle?
Why can't I be like the moms who always speak gently, with full patience?
Please I am hoping that even perfect moms lose it every now and then....
I apologized. I asked her to forgive me - that I was sorry I yelled and I needed to work on my patience and I asked her to please work on her listening.
I'm not sure if its helpful, but I said, "Gracie, when your teachers ask you to do something, do you do it?" Yes
So, let's do that with Mommy and Daddy too.
This morning I got the karios time right- the perfect and wonderful snuggling the whispers of I love you!
But then the rush and rush and rush, and then the thinking
- if I had gotten up earlier, if I had packed lunches last night, If I had done... all these other wonderful organized things.
It has felt like a more stressful week than usual.
I've dealt with some things and some folks that has required a little extra grace.
The week feels pretty stacked...
But I know that God is breathing in me, that God is creating in and out of the chaos, I know that all will be well.
I know that it may not be perfect.
But in the midst of it all- may God help me remember and know that
what is more important than being on time,
more important than the house looking nice,
more important than anything anything in the world
- is that I am gentle with my children's souls.
I don't want them to remember me and be afraid.
I don't want them to stop listening because they tune out of someone sounding constantly demanding- pick up your toys, do this, don't do that, stop that....
I really love bathtime and bedtime-- for some reason I let go of rushing then- not always but way better.
I just BE with them.
I did have hopes of getting things done when they got to bed... but somehow my agenda didn't get in the way.
During bathtime we sang everything- like a musical.
I made games of-- who can wash their tummies, their arms, their feet, legs, etc.
And they got it done- and we had fun.
I pray that I can be more focused on the joy of being with them,
the joy of being in the moment,
I pray that I may delight in them.
I pray that I will not seek to make them regimented, soldier like.
I pray that they will be joyful, silly, kind, peace pulsating, children of God's kingdom.
I pray that I may be a beacon of light - that is calm, warm, peaceful, loving, affirming, encouraging.
May I be filled with the fruits of the spirit,
Love, joy, peace, patience kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control!
May I embody these fruits, so that my children may know my love and know your love God.
God, make me the kind of Mom you call me to be,
Amen.
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